dan.evans

A lot of you might know i posted a thread on here not to long back about csa. Well the money is ok at the moment but its the trouble im geting seeing my kids. Il try and explain the best i can

We had in place an aragement, were i would have my daughter every 3 fridays over night till sat afternoon, i would take her out on monday to see my dad, and go see her on wednesday at her mum. The weekends i didt have her i would spend the afternoon or morning with my daughter depending what shifts i work sat. This has been fine for the last month, but i rang the ex today and she started kicking about me seeing ruby (my daughter) at here, saying, why should you have her here blah blah. I said thats fine can u drop her of at mine (10 min drive max) and il bring her back after. But she was like im not wasting my petrol to help u out, if u wanna see ur daughter you come to me, she is doing everything she can to make it harder for me to see my kids. One day she is nice to me, the other kicks of like this. Im really stuck with what to do, i get the impression she would love for me to say, dont worry about it i dont wanna see my kids anymore. She even said she would be happy for me niot to come see them on xmas, cus she would prefer to go her interfing parents house.

WHat can i do guys?

MDS_WRX

iTrader: (1)

Sorry, it's not really clear from your post, but why can't you do the above and go and get her as it sounds like she's not blocking you doing that?

NOSSY_89

I know its hard but don't give up and keep fighting.

If she keeps taking the mic then go to the court.

Just think of your kids whatever you do. The less time you spend with them the more time she has to fill their ears.

dan.evans

Sorry its not clear, post was written while i was a bit red misted. Iv got not problem going to get her, but its the fact that she just changes things without telling me. Iv turned up at her before to see the kids, she has gone out before i get there, so i cant see them she wont answer the phone tell me were she is etc. Takes the **** out of me because i mentioned that my dad or gran would like to see them. My boy is 7 months old and my dad has seen him once because of her, she always puts him for a nap or says he about to eat so i cant take him. I try to be nice, she locked her self out the other day, she rang me to come round to help, i dropped everything to go see what i can do. But soon as her folks turned up she told me to P off. Im really upset about all this, alot of people i know see there kids a few times a month etc etc. I want to be different but it looks like it will be another case of. The dad is always the bad guy, everyone feels sorry for the mum, will do anything for her. Rings me up for extra money, cus she blows it on **** like dvds expensive make up.

DCI Gene Hunt

Sounds like she needs some "ex-loving" to me

chocolate_o_brian

iTrader: (22)

How the hell did you and her even have a relationship if she's like this?

alcazar

iTrader: (2)

Mate, you are going to have to do as she says. If you don't, and it DOES come to the courts, guess what she's going to say about you?

Just roll with it, grit your teeth, DO NOT let the kids see you upset, try not to let her see she's winding you, or she'll do it more.

Everything she says, just go with it, unless it ACTUALLY stops you seeing the little 'uns.

Coffin Dodger

Given the use of text speak, lack of punctuation, paragraphing etc. may I suggest.....



....may be of more help

Mistermann

I am very lucky as my Ex and I have an amicable relationship however, as described by the OP is one of my worse nightmares.
I decided long ago that if it got messy between me and my Ex that I would just bite the bullet and do what I need to to be a good dad even if that means listening to the tripe that comes out of her mouth.
So either that or go to court and have the arrangement put in place by the powers that be - then as much as she doesn't like it you'll have your rights. However this doesn't solve the problem of the ex being a pain in the backside to work with....My daughter is 2.5yrs old and I plan on being the best dad I can until such time that she can make up her own mind and hopefully by being as good as I can be she'll naturally love and respect me later on in life.

Try your very best to take the higher road mate...Ultimately, do the best by your children, then do the best by you....then f**k the ex off and leave her to wallow in what ever issues she has with life!

dan.evans

Thanks for that reply mistermann, now iv taken time to have a think, what you said is what im going to do. I will put up with her tripe, listen to this and that, but il make sure can be the best dad i can be. And hopefully when my daughter is older she will see that iv tried so hard, even when her mum hasmade it difficult, she will love me for just what i am.

Miniman

iTrader: (2)

Do you have a diary or any of this wrtitten down? It sounds quite complex.

Give her and yourself a copy of the "agreement", then you both know what is meant to happen when. Then suggest that you keep something as a record of what actually happened on a day to day basis (a diary ?). Then you can write a note against it if someone fails (on either side) including things like who is required to drop anyone off and arrival times.

I think these sorts of things are looked on favourably during any legal engagement as proof/record of what happened. They are also statements of fact without any emotiona attached.

dan.evans

In the new year i will start a record, of what days i have had them, what we done and any money spent. Als owill note on when and who has changed and cancelled etc etc. Thanks so much for ur support, i really do appreciate it, i aint got anyone to talk to that is going through this.

Thanks

mart360

In the 14 years i did the other parent thing with my ex, she only brought him to my parents house once!!! for me it was a 70 mile round trip every week...

did i complain......nope....

Its not worth it..... keep your head down do your bit and count down the days until your daughter is old enough to make up her own mind where she wants to go


Mart

pimmo2000

iTrader: (6)

Get it sorted legally .. so she has to give you access

Brun

I've thought very carefully about this and i've come to the conclusion that you need to give her a good swift kick in the fanny

the hamster

iTrader: (7)

Mate, i've had 15 years of exactly this, my advice is get used to it. You're ex now "owns" you until your daughter is grown up. Thats not scaremongering, thats the truth. I've had to put up with my ex ruining my relationship with my daughter since she was 1 year old, csa, lies, changing her mind, messing my mum around etc etc on a regular basis. In 9 months time I will get my life back if my daughter leaves school and we can start to have a relationship that doesnt involve going through my smeggin ex all the time.

Wait til your ex meets someone else, then the fun n games really begin. If she's being difficult now (which in the grand scheme of things I think you're lucky) then you'll either become her best friend and babysitter or an inconvenience and things will become a mare. My ex moved 150 miles away with her new bloke, I could only see my daughter once every 3 months for the day and twice in a year she cancelled at the last minute for no reason.

Most fathers go to court to get a set arrangement. This way you know where you stand, what your hours/days etc are and it also helps with any csa claim.

I truly wish you good luck, but you're going to need to toughen up and prepare for a lot more than youre getting now.

Jeem

iTrader: (1)

[QUOTE=the hamster;10389366] You're ex now "owns" you QUOTE]


This guys got it spot on, i split recently ive got a 2 year old tamzin and what her mum says goes really, we get on great we've not been to court but solicitors have made an agreement for access 3 times a week an we get on that great that she even offers me more access than agreed but i dont take her up on the offer too much i like to keep to the agreement so me, tamzin an her mum know exactly what time an what days so theres no confusion. I help her out with money if she needs an currently looking for a car for her, at the end of the day she's my little girls mum so it in the best interest o the kid for abody to get on, ye we fall out when txtn now an then but even when we fall out i still get to see my little girl. She refused me access one time but i was still there at the door i made the effort to turn up even though she had told me i wasnt getn access that night. At the end o the day if tamzin or her mum tell me to jump my answer how height

GC8

As others have said: family court is the answer.

GC8

They change.

dan.evans

Thanks for all the replys guys, and the hamster, i never thought about it when she meets someone esle, how things would be, i can imagine it now that they would both be planning and thinking of ways to try and hurt me more. Im going to try and work with what we have in place at the moment, but if she messes it about i think i will take her to family court. Im going to start a diary of when i have them, see them, money spent etc etc.

Coffin Dodger

http://www.itv.com/lifestyle/jeremykyle/beaguest/

CrisPDuk

My boss has just come out of the other side of this situation. For several years he's had to put up with his ex changing agreements on a whim to suit herself (and to deliberately wind him up) Generally he's done what everyone on here has advised, and taken it on the chin. And ranted about her in our office, a lot

His daughter turned 16 a couple of months ago, and moved straight out of her mothers and in at his. Apparently she has told her mum that she never wants to see her again

Leslie

Its always a big problem. Your ex has possession of your daughter and she will always effectively have the whip hand since the courts always come down on the side of the mother anyway.

If she feels like it she can put all sorts of obstacles in your way and get away with it most of the time.

You can maybe try to get properly defined visiting rights through the court which might ease the difficulties for you.

Les

DCI Gene Hunt

I agree with Les, post up some naked shots of her.....

Wolf_gsxr

I'd go though the courts mate. And the end of the day there's no such thing as a reasonable woman so sorting it out yourself is a great idea until she goes off on one. So unless your willing to have her killed I suggest going through the courts so that way if she breaks the rules it won't be just you annoyed you havnt go to see your kid but the courts. And every time she *****' up that's something to go against her if you ever feel you want more access later down the line. Also if you can prove she hasn't been spending your CSa money on what it should be spend on then you can get it reduced or back. A mate proved the money he gave his ex when on a deposit for her and her ex to go on holiday and he doesn't pay any now. He spends it when he has his kid. Good luck mate.

austinwrx

it might get easier as she gets older. at 7 mths old, they are very young to be passed about and driven about. not being funny, but at 7 mths old, who cares if her grd dad sees her: probably only him. A 7 mth baby won't ?

I think from yr post you have a dtr too ? again when they are very young, its not that easy with established meal times, sleeps etc to throw them in a car and upset the routine.

i'd tread carefully, keep a thorough diary of every little upset, say nothing and just let time play things out. I think you'll find kids grow up quickly and it'll get easier.

and yes, if mum has had a ****e night with the kids, no she probably doesn't want to be bothered running about. you do it instead.

thing is with women: they do tend to set the rules. and now yr apart, yr basically going to have to do what she wants.

sorry dude, but I hope it gets sorted

the hamster

iTrader: (7)

Do yourself a favour Dan and save yourself years of aggro, get to court and get it set in stone.

Making a diary of that sort of stuff means nothing, it doesnt stop your ex ruling over you. You could spend a fortune, run round like a muppet and be all nicey nicey and it will all come back and bite you in the *** one day.

Get to a solicitor and get it sorted, or you'll be living your life from week to week not knowing what will happen next. You sound like a nice guy, but its time to get tough.

worbs

iTrader: (8)

Iv had to put up with this exact same scenario for the last 7 years.

It used to wind me up like i couldn't begin to describe but eventually i though bugger it im not going to let her get to me anymore, once she saw her crap was having no effect on me it subsided.
Like many have said above mate you basically have to deal with it, ride it out, if i can offer a piece of advice it would be DO NOT GO TO COURT unless she stops you seeing the kids totally, reason being it will be like poking a chuffing great hornets nest! been there mate and done it! once that solicitors letter hits her door mat you can kiss goodbye to seeing your kids until the court hearing is over, this could take a long while, if she decides to play it like that, it all depends how things pan out though i think they try and get you together first to reach an amicable agreement, luckily for me it never went that far, we agreed out of court and personally.

If she is the nasty vindictive type, which lets face it most women are when you separate from them, then again as said above keep a record of everything, dont let her know this though as again it will be like poking that hornets nest, all money paid that you give her outside csa keep a record of, when you draw it from bank get a receipt and staple that to the diary page, or better still electronically wire it into her account, absolute proof there.

Dont let her know anything about your personal life! ie new relationship, going on a date etc, even if she seems all paly paly and taking an interest, just keep it to yourself unless the relationship gets real serious and you new partner will be involved in your kids lives then she will have to know, again if she is nasty and vindictive she will try and ruin things for you, play the old "oh iv made a mistake i still love you" card is the classic, plus your new partner/date wont want to be getting flack from her etc.

Mate you basically have to kiss her a$$ for the next 15 years and 5 months, do as she says and keep smiling, dont let her see she gets to you and above all keep calm, do not loose your temper with her as that will be thrown straight back your way.

For me things got alot better when my ex met her now husband, he is a lovely chap and i get on well with him, he is now the punch bag poor bugger lol, i still get the odd bit of crap from her but i just brush it off and ignore it, she will always want me to have my boy on day/night when its out of the arrangement and she knows if she 9isses me off to much it wont happen and vice versa so we keep each other sweet and there`s no problems.

Just be the best dad you can to them kiddies bud, at the end of the day she cant stop seeing them totally, if she does then you go to court, unless you have been violent sell drugs etc etc they will award access without to much of a fuss, you`v got a long road ahead mate and it wont be easy, she will grow tired of being 8itch and eventually meet someone and settle down and things will hopefully settle down for you as they did me.

Wish you all the best with this chap, as they say dont let the b`stards grind you down.


Ian

donny andi

iTrader: (3)

She's more than likely ******** someone you know....turns them into clever bitches