Weekend cheer :)
25 March 2011, 10:34 PM
#1
Weekend cheer :)
An American fighter plane was flying over Afghanistan when he
noticed a flying carpet on each side of his plane, both with a machine gunner on board.
Sensing danger, he shot them down.
Back at base he got a right bollocking – apparently they were Allied Carpets.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I was driving to work this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign saying ‘English speaking Doctor’.
I thought;
“What a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country.”
. . . .. . . . . . . . . ..
The police came to my door last night holding a picture of my wife.
"Is this your wife sir?" said the officer.
"Yes it is" I replied.
"I'm afraid it looks like she's been in a car accident" said the Officer.
"I know" I said, "but she has a lovely personality!"
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Two women were talking. "Do you look at your husband's face when you have sex ?"
"I did once & he looked really angry."
"Why angry ?"
Because he was watching through the window !
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Took a girl home from the pub last night but I ended up falling asleep on the sofa . . .
Must have drunk her bloody drink by mistake!
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
Last night I got so drunk that when I got to the bottom of the stairs, I took off my shoes, coat, top, trousers and underwear.
Then I crept upstairs very quietly, so as not to wake the kids or my other half.
It was only when I got to the very top I realised I was still on the bus home.
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
The government has announced that for the new school curriculum, boys are going to study the workings of the female mind.
The lessons, however, will be changed on an hourly basis!
noticed a flying carpet on each side of his plane, both with a machine gunner on board.
Sensing danger, he shot them down.
Back at base he got a right bollocking – apparently they were Allied Carpets.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I was driving to work this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign saying ‘English speaking Doctor’.
I thought;
“What a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country.”
. . . .. . . . . . . . . ..
The police came to my door last night holding a picture of my wife.
"Is this your wife sir?" said the officer.
"Yes it is" I replied.
"I'm afraid it looks like she's been in a car accident" said the Officer.
"I know" I said, "but she has a lovely personality!"
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Two women were talking. "Do you look at your husband's face when you have sex ?"
"I did once & he looked really angry."
"Why angry ?"
Because he was watching through the window !
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Took a girl home from the pub last night but I ended up falling asleep on the sofa . . .
Must have drunk her bloody drink by mistake!
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
Last night I got so drunk that when I got to the bottom of the stairs, I took off my shoes, coat, top, trousers and underwear.
Then I crept upstairs very quietly, so as not to wake the kids or my other half.
It was only when I got to the very top I realised I was still on the bus home.
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
The government has announced that for the new school curriculum, boys are going to study the workings of the female mind.
The lessons, however, will be changed on an hourly basis!
25 March 2011, 11:04 PM
#2
The one that one made me chuckle was :
Two women were talking. "Do you look at your husband's face when you have sex ?"
"I did once & he looked really angry."
"Why angry ?"
Because he was watching through the window !
I'll look for more out there
Two women were talking. "Do you look at your husband's face when you have sex ?"
"I did once & he looked really angry."
"Why angry ?"
Because he was watching through the window !
I'll look for more out there
25 March 2011, 11:38 PM
#5
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26 March 2011, 06:53 AM
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26 March 2011, 12:42 PM
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I got asked to leave the local swimming baths yesterday. I was told it was due to the large bulge in my Speedo's, which was upsetting other swimmers. I pointed out another man, who was wearing similar swimwear, and asked why he wasnt being asked to leave as well. The reply was that he hadnt sh*t himself !!
26 March 2011, 07:08 PM
#13
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