Red Dwarf
16 October 2003, 10:42 AM
#3
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"i wont say his name because that`ll get cut to, but its him, i know its him, and if i ever catch up with him i`m gonna cut both his bo-blunt knife!"
you have to watch that bit really, his hand jesture sells the joke
you have to watch that bit really, his hand jesture sells the joke
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16 October 2003, 11:11 AM
#11
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Lister "Change of Plan - Leg it!"
Hegeg hegegegegeg (Ainsley Harriout in disguise) "Men they're all bast@rdss, he's left me on my wedding night..."
Hegeg hegegegegeg (Ainsley Harriout in disguise) "Men they're all bast@rdss, he's left me on my wedding night..."
16 October 2003, 11:13 AM
#12
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Krytens "driving" test -
"you're travelling at half the speed of light, what is the stopping distance?"
"you're travelling at half the speed of light, what is the stopping distance?"
16 October 2003, 11:14 AM
#13
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captain hollister "see you in ten minutes"
lister zaps him with the time wand
captain hollister "see you in ten minutes"
lister zaps him with the time wand
captain hollister "see you in ten minutes"
lister zaps him with the time wand
captain hollister "see you in ten minutes"
lister zaps him with the time wand
captain hollister "see you in ten minutes"
lister zaps him with the time wand
captain hollister "see you in ten minutes"
lister zaps him with the time wand
captain hollister "see you in ten minutes"
lister zaps him with the time wand
captain hollister "see you in ten minutes"
lister zaps him with the time wand
captain hollister "see you in ten minutes"
lister zaps him with the time wand
captain hollister "see you in ten minutes"
lister zaps him with the time wand
captain hollister "see you in ten minutes"
lister zaps him with the time wand
captain hollister "see you in ten minutes"
lister zaps him with the time wand
captain hollister "see you in ten minutes"
16 October 2003, 11:25 AM
#16
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The ships self destruct that's wired to the sweet machine.
10...
9...
8...
7...
6...
5...
4...
3...
2...
1...
0... Self Destruct sequence complete...
...Toffee Crisp...
10...
9...
8...
7...
6...
5...
4...
3...
2...
1...
0... Self Destruct sequence complete...
...Toffee Crisp...
16 October 2003, 11:31 AM
#18
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The Cats words of wisdom...
"somethings coming - and it does not smell good"
"You're gonna listen to one of my plans? What If we all die, I'll never hear the end of it!"
"somethings coming - and it does not smell good"
"You're gonna listen to one of my plans? What If we all die, I'll never hear the end of it!"
16 October 2003, 12:13 PM
#24
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lister to rimmer
"remember yvonne mcgruder? you really liked her didnt ya? i went out with her ya`know, before you did. we broke up in the end it relly hurt me, i`v still got the scars today. they never heal carpet burns do they? BOTH CHEEKS MAN! SHE NEARLY WORE THEM DOWN TO THE BONE!!!"
"remember yvonne mcgruder? you really liked her didnt ya? i went out with her ya`know, before you did. we broke up in the end it relly hurt me, i`v still got the scars today. they never heal carpet burns do they? BOTH CHEEKS MAN! SHE NEARLY WORE THEM DOWN TO THE BONE!!!"
16 October 2003, 12:26 PM
#26
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Lister "we did it on Bootle municiple golf course - she just stood there naked in front of me. I was so exited I nearly dropped me skateboard..."
Rimmer "Skateboard? How old were you?"
Lister "12"
Rimmer "12! - you can't have been a full member of the golf club then. That would been a hell of a lie to get into - Listers buttock crevice - you'd need more than a Nibblick to get that one out"
Lister "are you saying I've got a big bum?"
Rimmer "Big? It's like 2 badly parked Volkswagons..."
[Edited by messiah - 10/16/2003 12:27:50 PM]
[Edited by messiah - 10/16/2003 12:30:01 PM]
Rimmer "Skateboard? How old were you?"
Lister "12"
Rimmer "12! - you can't have been a full member of the golf club then. That would been a hell of a lie to get into - Listers buttock crevice - you'd need more than a Nibblick to get that one out"
Lister "are you saying I've got a big bum?"
Rimmer "Big? It's like 2 badly parked Volkswagons..."
[Edited by messiah - 10/16/2003 12:27:50 PM]
[Edited by messiah - 10/16/2003 12:30:01 PM]
16 October 2003, 12:37 PM
#27
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Two of my favourites:
Lister : Well, if you've got some amazing secret plan up your sleeve, Kryten, now's the time to mention it.
Kryten : No plan, sir. No sleeves.
...and...
Rimmer : Step up to Red Alert!
Kryten : Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb.
Lister : Well, if you've got some amazing secret plan up your sleeve, Kryten, now's the time to mention it.
Kryten : No plan, sir. No sleeves.
...and...
Rimmer : Step up to Red Alert!
Kryten : Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb.
