My Mother-in-Law - the most stupid in Britain?
25 December 2002, 06:08 PM
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My mother in law must be the most stupid in britain (she come from Wales).
As well as the general backgound of stupid comments, last night she claimed that she "did not want to win any money on the lottery" as she "did not know what she would do with it". Fact: she plays the lottery twice a week.
5ucking numb-head.
I have got her all over Christmas, are there any other pearls of wisdom or stupid mother in law reposrts out there?
God I wish she would 5uck-off now back to 5ucking Wales, she is making my Christmas a misery. if I was not a staffie I would be back in the office this evening like a shot sorting out log files or something just as interesting/
Your amusing mother in law stuff would be much appreciated to keep my morale up!
Si
As well as the general backgound of stupid comments, last night she claimed that she "did not want to win any money on the lottery" as she "did not know what she would do with it". Fact: she plays the lottery twice a week.
5ucking numb-head.
I have got her all over Christmas, are there any other pearls of wisdom or stupid mother in law reposrts out there?
God I wish she would 5uck-off now back to 5ucking Wales, she is making my Christmas a misery. if I was not a staffie I would be back in the office this evening like a shot sorting out log files or something just as interesting/
Your amusing mother in law stuff would be much appreciated to keep my morale up!
Si
25 December 2002, 06:12 PM
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Sorry about the typing, I am well pissed.
Fortunately the mother in law "thinks Champagne is vastly over-rated" and will not drink any.............
I am about to fill her glass with Thunderbird Wine again.
Si
Fortunately the mother in law "thinks Champagne is vastly over-rated" and will not drink any.............
I am about to fill her glass with Thunderbird Wine again.
Si
25 December 2002, 06:44 PM
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i think that family in general irritate at xmas.
father - totally obnoxious and pi5sed and now in bed.
mother - faffing and
granny - vague...
uncle mike - asleep fortunately...
sister - helping me stay sane.
cats - mashed up on cat nip that i fed them earlier
gave me some nice pressies though
your mother in law does sound a nightmare though. her parsimony is something that is generational. my granny complained she could'nt afford xmas. she has just inherited £5k
only once a year though - bless 'em
weava
father - totally obnoxious and pi5sed and now in bed.
mother - faffing and
granny - vague...
uncle mike - asleep fortunately...
sister - helping me stay sane.
cats - mashed up on cat nip that i fed them earlier
gave me some nice pressies though
your mother in law does sound a nightmare though. her parsimony is something that is generational. my granny complained she could'nt afford xmas. she has just inherited £5k
only once a year though - bless 'em
weava
25 December 2002, 06:58 PM
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Only one a year - thank 5uck.
She has not leaft the house for the last 5 days, and follows me arounf the place, looming over me. Caught her trying to read my posts on scoobynet. Is nothing sacred.
Her latest endearing habit is carrying her mobile phone to the dinner table. Halfway though Chrismas dinner she took a call from some old croney of hers. needless to say she SHOUTS in to the mobey so that the other person can hear. 5uck me, i could hear he in the next county.
We are just enjoying "Blind Date", Alex from Big Brother has just appeared to choose his "Date", I told the MIL that he was a "chutney ferret", she did not understand. She seemed not to understand the incongquity of a homo chosing a woman date on blind date. 5uck me I think I am going 5ucking mad.
What do you get for murder of a MIL these days? Or is it justifyable homicide?
Si
She has not leaft the house for the last 5 days, and follows me arounf the place, looming over me. Caught her trying to read my posts on scoobynet. Is nothing sacred.
Her latest endearing habit is carrying her mobile phone to the dinner table. Halfway though Chrismas dinner she took a call from some old croney of hers. needless to say she SHOUTS in to the mobey so that the other person can hear. 5uck me, i could hear he in the next county.
We are just enjoying "Blind Date", Alex from Big Brother has just appeared to choose his "Date", I told the MIL that he was a "chutney ferret", she did not understand. She seemed not to understand the incongquity of a homo chosing a woman date on blind date. 5uck me I think I am going 5ucking mad.
What do you get for murder of a MIL these days? Or is it justifyable homicide?
Si
25 December 2002, 07:02 PM
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Its got to be justifiable right?
I would probably only get 2 years in Ford Open prison, probably sharing a cell with Jeffery Archer................on second thoughts.....I would not want to be known as Archer's bum-boy.
Might just be preferable to spending time with the MIL though.
Whats best? A garotte? Or electocution? <for her>.
Sorry to have such un-Christmassy- thoughts.
Si
I would probably only get 2 years in Ford Open prison, probably sharing a cell with Jeffery Archer................on second thoughts.....I would not want to be known as Archer's bum-boy.
Might just be preferable to spending time with the MIL though.
Whats best? A garotte? Or electocution? <for her>.
Sorry to have such un-Christmassy- thoughts.
Si
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25 December 2002, 08:48 PM
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Uncle Buck,
Sorry to cast apertions on the relationship between you and your cat, I am sure it is entirely proper.
Yes, I am talking to myself, the only intelligent company in the house, bar the wife, who is comatose on the sofa "watching" Bridgid Jones' Diary.
Si
Sorry to cast apertions on the relationship between you and your cat, I am sure it is entirely proper.
Yes, I am talking to myself, the only intelligent company in the house, bar the wife, who is comatose on the sofa "watching" Bridgid Jones' Diary.
Si
25 December 2002, 09:03 PM
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MIL from hell?
She is watching Brigid Jones' Diary.
Or alternatively testing my very expensive ash-framed armchair to destruction by sitting in it with her bulky frame and huge fat ****. God I hope she does not break the chair. Still its the sales season now.
Never in the history of family relations has one mother in law eaten and drank so much and spoken so much 5hite in such a short space of time whilst doing so little to help.
He inactivity is positively yogi-like. Maybe she is a higher-level being after all.
The mobile has not rung for at least 30 minutes.Good news.
She also farts a lot. Her favorite food is the sprout. I offered to make her a sprount sandwhich for Christmas dinner. She replied that she would be "quite happy as long as the sprouts were cooked".
Si
She is watching Brigid Jones' Diary.
Or alternatively testing my very expensive ash-framed armchair to destruction by sitting in it with her bulky frame and huge fat ****. God I hope she does not break the chair. Still its the sales season now.
Never in the history of family relations has one mother in law eaten and drank so much and spoken so much 5hite in such a short space of time whilst doing so little to help.
He inactivity is positively yogi-like. Maybe she is a higher-level being after all.
The mobile has not rung for at least 30 minutes.Good news.
She also farts a lot. Her favorite food is the sprout. I offered to make her a sprount sandwhich for Christmas dinner. She replied that she would be "quite happy as long as the sprouts were cooked".
Si
25 December 2002, 09:10 PM
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she would be "quite happy as long as the sprouts were cooked".
boiled sprouts wrapped in fresh dough me-thinks.. Imagine what that might do for her flatulance Feel sorry for your fav chair though 
25 December 2002, 11:08 PM
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unclebuck: LOL!
Have not checked the force with a wind-meter, but reckon its a good force 8 on the beaufort scale.
Am awaiting the next pearl of wisdom to drop from her lips.
Or it that a sprout?
Si
Have not checked the force with a wind-meter, but reckon its a good force 8 on the beaufort scale.
Am awaiting the next pearl of wisdom to drop from her lips.
Or it that a sprout?
Si
26 December 2002, 01:07 AM
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Ha! 
Remember, the only person in your family you can choose is your spouse. My prospective MIL and FIL are very reasonable . Lovely company, gifts and food.
[Edited by Miles - 12/26/2002 1:08:22 AM]
Or alternatively testing my very expensive ash-framed armchair to destruction by sitting in it with her bulky frame and huge fat ****. God I hope she does not break the chair. Still its the sales season now.
. Lovely company, gifts and food. [Edited by Miles - 12/26/2002 1:08:22 AM]
26 December 2002, 08:39 AM
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Yeah, I must be lucky too - Sal's Mum and Dad are great - although Sal's Mum does come out with some classic lines - I won't embarass her on here though
Got to do my family today complete with screaming children - not looking like such a pleasant experience
Chris
Got to do my family today complete with screaming children - not looking like such a pleasant experience
Chris
26 December 2002, 11:16 AM
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Well for me MIL and FIL are lovely, its the Gran and Grandad that do my head in.
Being told yesterday to leave the kitchen as i obviously could never cook a Xmas dinner (was just finishing the Yorkshire Puds off !!), and being made breakfast this morning that was lovely except she knows i dontlike black pudding and she put it on my plate and made a right scene when i didnt eat it.
And Grandad insists on smoking by the front door and letting all the smoke in the house. When i ask him to go outside he barks at me so i told him if he didnt he might as well bugger off home Didnt work tho
And to top it all off grandad has the tv at full volume as he says he cant hear it (he can hear me moan about the smoking from 2 rooms away tho) and we are told that everyone has to go to bed at 2145h last night as Grandad wanted to and couldnt sleep because of the noise. After 8 pints of Carling and champagne i thought it was funny to switch on the AV amp, Xbox and turn it UP LOUD and play Halo ! Lol
(Grumpy) Dave
Oh i forgot about the spoilt 19yr old sister that moans she hasnt got enough pressies, makes a mess and never cleans anything up, ate half a mince pie and put it back on the plate and still doesnt grasp the concept of buying drinks in the pub. I made the point by getting a round in and not getting her anything
[Edited by druddle - 12/26/2002 11:21:18 AM]
Being told yesterday to leave the kitchen as i obviously could never cook a Xmas dinner (was just finishing the Yorkshire Puds off !!), and being made breakfast this morning that was lovely except she knows i dontlike black pudding and she put it on my plate and made a right scene when i didnt eat it.
And Grandad insists on smoking by the front door and letting all the smoke in the house. When i ask him to go outside he barks at me so i told him if he didnt he might as well bugger off home
Didnt work tho And to top it all off grandad has the tv at full volume as he says he cant hear it (he can hear me moan about the smoking from 2 rooms away tho) and we are told that everyone has to go to bed at 2145h last night as Grandad wanted to and couldnt sleep because of the noise. After 8 pints of Carling and champagne i thought it was funny to switch on the AV amp, Xbox and turn it UP LOUD and play Halo ! Lol
(Grumpy) Dave
Oh i forgot about the spoilt 19yr old sister that moans she hasnt got enough pressies, makes a mess and never cleans anything up, ate half a mince pie and put it back on the plate and still doesnt grasp the concept of buying drinks in the pub. I made the point by getting a round in and not getting her anything
[Edited by druddle - 12/26/2002 11:21:18 AM]
26 December 2002, 11:57 AM
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Not MIL (Don't have one) but my gran questioned why I was getting yet another bottle of Stella............."You still can't be thirsty!? You've had 8 bottle already?"
I think she's missing the point of drinking alcohol somewhat
I think she's missing the point of drinking alcohol somewhat
26 December 2002, 06:28 PM
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Andy,
My MIl is a genetic mutation, a throw-back if you want, an abberation of nature. Thus normal rules about daughters being like their mothers not quite true in this case. Plus there are environmental factors too.
Generally I agree with you, if you want to know what you are going to end up with look at the MIL.
MIl is back in the armchair, sorry... she has not left it all day. I could swear that its begiining to sag a bit. I will have to probably get it re-upholstoured - and maybe go for uprated springs for next year!
One more night to go till MIL ETD.
Si
My MIl is a genetic mutation, a throw-back if you want, an abberation of nature. Thus normal rules about daughters being like their mothers not quite true in this case. Plus there are environmental factors too.
Generally I agree with you, if you want to know what you are going to end up with look at the MIL.
MIl is back in the armchair, sorry... she has not left it all day. I could swear that its begiining to sag a bit. I will have to probably get it re-upholstoured - and maybe go for uprated springs for next year!
One more night to go till MIL ETD.
Si
26 December 2002, 07:17 PM
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Cheer up all, it's nearly over.
My MIL and SFIL have been here since christmas eve. I was utterly dreading it but much to my suprise and relief it has worked very well. Apart from MIL turning the tap fully on (we have good water pressure in the kitchen) when she intended to turn it off, soaking herself my and my kitchen, we have had a fairly harmonious time.
Happy New Year everyone
My MIL and SFIL have been here since christmas eve. I was utterly dreading it but much to my suprise and relief it has worked very well. Apart from MIL turning the tap fully on (we have good water pressure in the kitchen) when she intended to turn it off, soaking herself my and my kitchen, we have had a fairly harmonious time.
Happy New Year everyone
26 December 2002, 07:33 PM
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NKH: I am not unhappy, I am enjoying every minute if a sado-masochistic sort of way, it all material for my next book.
It is very difficult for a writer to protray banality in an interesting way, Alan Bennett does it very well though.
As each day goes by MIL is seeming to mellow, but it could just be that she is getting near her ultimate departure date and is thus demob happy. Or, as Terry Wogan says, it could be me.
Si
Like the acronym SFIL BTW, and the bit about MIL getting soaking wet, do I detect the merest hint of gloating at her misfortune?
It is very difficult for a writer to protray banality in an interesting way, Alan Bennett does it very well though.
As each day goes by MIL is seeming to mellow, but it could just be that she is getting near her ultimate departure date and is thus demob happy. Or, as Terry Wogan says, it could be me.
Si
Like the acronym SFIL BTW, and the bit about MIL getting soaking wet, do I detect the merest hint of gloating at her misfortune?
27 December 2002, 01:28 AM
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MIL is an non drinker and has been a vegan all her life - Why does she bother with Chrimbo
Anyway - every year she comes to our house for sprouts errrr I mean dinner and keeps putting the cork back in the wine claiming that if we don't drink it all in one day it will taste better as it will get better with age.
Got my own back yesterday. She was complaining of indigestion so I gave her my surefire cure. Double brandy down in one.
She lost the plot entirely (completely bolloxed in about 10 minutes) so I though it would be good craic to see how much brandy I could get into her without the enemy noticing. Managed 4 more. She thought she was having a stroke this morning. She wanted us to take her to hospital cause of the headache and the dizzyness.
Anyway - every year she comes to our house for sprouts errrr I mean dinner and keeps putting the cork back in the wine claiming that if we don't drink it all in one day it will taste better as it will get better with age.
Got my own back yesterday. She was complaining of indigestion so I gave her my surefire cure. Double brandy down in one.
She lost the plot entirely (completely bolloxed in about 10 minutes) so I though it would be good craic to see how much brandy I could get into her without the enemy noticing. Managed 4 more. She thought she was having a stroke this morning. She wanted us to take her to hospital cause of the headache and the dizzyness.
28 December 2002, 10:36 PM
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Lard-**** went off today back down to Wales.
She was in the back of my car already as I walked around the car to get in. I thought I had a puncture at first, as the car was sort of lopsided towards the MIL. Then I realized that it wasthe incredible bulk of MIL causing the imbalance and all thise deep-filled mince pies.
I felt almost sorry to say goodbye at the airport, but my sorrow was tempered by reason ad better judgement. Suddenly I felt very tired, and realized that MIL had been a most tiring guest.
As the Chinese say, there is no pleasure like the pleasure of departing mother-in-laws. I will not miss her incessent farting and snorring either.
Missing you aleady MIL, NOT!
Si
She was in the back of my car already as I walked around the car to get in. I thought I had a puncture at first, as the car was sort of lopsided towards the MIL. Then I realized that it wasthe incredible bulk of MIL causing the imbalance and all thise deep-filled mince pies.
I felt almost sorry to say goodbye at the airport, but my sorrow was tempered by reason ad better judgement. Suddenly I felt very tired, and realized that MIL had been a most tiring guest.
As the Chinese say, there is no pleasure like the pleasure of departing mother-in-laws. I will not miss her incessent farting and snorring either.
Missing you aleady MIL, NOT!
Si
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