mrtheedge2u2

Just looking for some basic tips and pointer from anyone who may get stressed/anxious.....

Basically, I am feeling a little underwhelmed as of late (for past couple of years) especially with work. After discussing with my misses, I took the decision to take some time away from work so I resigned. Now the job that I do is dealing with a lot of confidential IP information so was put on immediate garden leave. The garden leave started on 1st June and continues for a few months yet. Basically as soon as I went on garden leave a recruiter called me saying they heard I was on garden leave and a company wanted to talk to me. I thought why not so had a chat with the company. A day later they said they want another chat and then my issues started.........basically just before the 2nd chat I started to get very anxious in case they offered my the position as I really want some time away from work (anxious to the point of feeling nauseous) so I cancelled the chat. Now for the past week I go from two states 1) feeling terrible/anxious about me not having a job and 2) feeling terrible/anxious about having a job. I dont sleep well anymore, I have constant aching joints from the stress and basically have no enjoyment from anything because I am always anxious....

Do any of you ever feel somewhat similar and have any advice on how to cope or improve the situation?

CharlySkunkWeed

iTrader: (7)

Hi mate, it's something that I get but have no advice unfortunately.
But what I can say is at the bottom of this thread is a few other similar threads you may get something out of

*edit, the suggestions have changed to be more "employment" type threads so maybe best to type "anxiety" into the search function.

jason7579

There would be nothing wrong with going to see a doctor about how you are feeling. It's a mixed bag still but many are getting much better at dealing with mental health issues. I recently had a routine health check and I've of the first questions asked was how are you feeling mentally, or words to that effect. Are you anxious, depressed, etc.

hedgecutter

iTrader: (5)

Sorry to hear this; anxiety can manifest itself on so many levels and in very different forms, and many would clam up about it, rather than be brave enough to ask, so you are on the right track.
The first thing that I would suggest is that you resigned for a purpose, to have a break, a re-set. So allow yourself that period, as long as you can afford, without talking to any agencies or recruiters, especially as this has been a trigger. Do constructive stuff and occupy your time; family/friends/home/car/garden, simple stuff that needs doing. And do stuff with the Missus that work prevented; after all it's our relationships that sustain and support us. Once you have had that period, start looking for work( you're obviously good at it if they are knocking on your door) on your terms, rather than them pressuring you.
Find a professional to chat to; in my experience a Dr will prefer to offer pills , but should be able to guide you to someone to chat to.
I don't think that your alone at the moment in these times. Sometimes finding charity tasks is incredibly helpful . Good luck.

andy97

iTrader: (1)

If money is not a major issue, take time away from working.

Get regular exercise, nothing strenuous, just regular walks, cycling. Exercise is a great simple way to lift moods, lots of feel good endorphins.

johno01

agree with this, taking a break was the original plan provided you can afford it. Maybe a trip to the doctors also as someone has already stated that stress and anxiety can manifest in different ways. Good luck mate 👍

NOSSY_89

Just a few things I want to say. I've been through the whole recruitment thing since end of last year when I was let go. You will have loads of chats and then a few interviews even before they give you an offer. When you get an offer you can say you have a 3 months notice and you can also say you will only hand in your notice once checks and an unconditional offer is made. Remember notice isn't just for the company you work for but also your own notice so you can get yourself in order. Relocation, new school for the kids etc.

The reason I bring this up because it seems thats what started your worry and if you can change it then it should reduce your anxiety. Not sure if that makes sense mate.

Like others have said speak to your doctor. They should have details about a local NHS run service (I don't know where you live so can't Google it for you but you should be able to find it) where you speak to someone, it should be a non referral system so you can just call up. In Brum our equivalent is Healthy Minds https://www.bsmhft.nhs.uk/our-servic...healthy-minds/

I've lost count of the amount of interviews I've had. Got to the last stage and then they tell me I haven't got the job. Try to get feedback and all they say is they went with the other guy. This time around, I'm managing it. Previously I didn't, I was a wreck but just couldn't see it. Should have gone to get help back then but didn't, the mental scars are still there. I try to encourage people to talk about it and if they need help, go get it.

Mental health is real and the words mental health cover a lot. Unfortunately there is still that stereo type mental health is straight jacket in a padded cell crazy. That isn't the case.

If you want to talk, drop me a pm. It will be a friendly chat, nothing more because I can't give you medical advice.

Hope you get through this mate

lockheed

iTrader: (1)

^^^^^^^^^^
This and, think of it as your new job. 👍.
I enjoy hitting the heavy bag.
Start slowly and build from there.

mrtheedge2u2

Thank you all for the advice. I do exercise. I stopped drinking in Feb 2020. I am lucky that financially I can take the time with no concerns but it just seems impossible to shake the anxious feeling. I do not want to go on meds but talking to someone is always an viable option.

RobsyUK

iTrader: (2)

Calms, an over the counter tablet is great at helping you sleep. It's Harble so comleltly safe.

Bean1984

iTrader: (3)

Always different ways too get help. For me I don't agree with medication as a long term solution as all your doing is disguising the main issue.

Try finding things too do and see what helps you relax the most and you get the most pleasure from. You don't need anyones approval on what you do but things like building a rc plane are good as you get too see the progress and it helps take your mind away from the other things. That will give you some time out till you feel ready to go back to work.

Don't be scared in talking to your Dr if you need to but try and speak too someone who's had a similar experience as yourself as Dr's can only tell you how you should be feeling as they read it from the book

ST-X

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling the way you are, it's a **** place to be (been there and still dealing with it to a degree).

My thoughts are that if you feel you need the break then you need the break, and jumping back into it straight away will do you no good long term. The feelings of anxiety are going to be partly driven by this (although possibly a little because of the unknown, and also that you're currently on garden leave itself). How much time do you think you'd like? Are we talking 6 months including garden leave or longer? If it's six months then I'd say that speaking to the recruiters won't do any harm, even if it's with an explanation that you will be looking to have a break and will be available for work from a certain date but that if something amazing comes up in the interim then you'd still be interested in listening to what their offer is. That's the work bit. Ish. The bigger question is that are you happy doing what you're doing, or is it the prospect of going back to that area itself the problem?

In terms of how to deal with it I found cutting out coffee and alcohol to be a huge boost. Now I do have PTSD as well, along with depression and so have a good few 'things' going on, but the alcohol was amping up the general malaise and then coffee the following morning was then amping up the agitation and anxiety! Knocking those on the head for a bit, as well as CBD oil for sleep helped me get my brain into a better place to deal with the actual problems. Everyone's different of course and what works for one person will not work for another. One thing I also found helpful at the start (and really should put more effort into doing more regularly) was meditation using the headspace app which gives some great guided sessions and allows you to control things a little better.

I had no interest in taking drugs for dealing with it as that seems like a crutch I didn't need as I was able to control things okay with other changes. However, I did also speak to a great counsellor through work's BUPA plan and she really helped me talk through things and re-organise thoughts as well as understand where stuff was coming from. The first person I spoke to I didn't end up going with due to her patronising response to a few things I'd said I'd read (The body keeps the score, a great book about trauma) where she said they were 'above me' despite finding them helpful, but the second woman was fantastic. She was either £65 or £75 privately but even then I'd say she was worth her weight in gold. I had about 20 sessions over 6 months and plan to have some regular sessions just to manage things every 6 months or so. I hope you don't need 20 sessions, in fact I very much doubt you would, but speaking to someone for perhaps four or five might help you understand the cause of the anxiety and help you navigate things that might exacerbate it over the next few months.

Whatever you end up doing I hope you manage to get on top of it and sort the underlying cause, anxiety is such a horrible feeling.

hux309

Rhodolia rosea, and 5 htp are your friends.

ST-X

I've not tried Rhodolia Rosea but I used 5 HTP a few times and actually found it increased my feelings of anxiety! I know a few people who swear by it though, and it's a lot cheaper than decent CBD oil, so well worth a try for the cost of a small tub of them.

Scoobyslammed

These are worth a read… it’s what info my doctor gave me when I was suffering with anxiety 👍🏼

https://www.nhsinform.scot/illnesses...elf-help-guide

https://www.nhsinform.scot/illnesses...elf-help-guide

Definitely worth having a chat with your own doctor though…

harry007

As above if money is not an issue. One must always get away. Have a break! Change the scenery!

I know a lot of people have felt this way recently due to lock restrictions and not being able to leave the country etc.

I have a very successful member of family over in the states. His advice has always rested with me.

If you want to be successful get the hell away from work as many weekends away as possible. Time away is a great reset.

Travel, broaden your mind, have new experiences, do new things. The world is a beautiful place, go see it.

Thanks
H

adamwest

I definitely agree with him. Sometimes its just rest that we need on our busy life.

I am quite new on this forum and this was the thread at the top that I noticed. Actually I was anxious before too but I overcome it with the help of my friends

Cheers!

SPORTWAGONROY

iTrader: (3)

Rest switch off is a big thing have a hobby don’t ever stress out to much about work it’s just a job.and the big one talk to people friends your partner this always helps.

GlesgaKiss

Before I turned 30 I had a similar thing happen. I didn’t have any problem with money either, but by that age I’d pushed so many problems down the road (or avoiding sorting out the things that were stressing me/making me anxious) that it all just came out at the one time. I actually had quite bad panic attacks for a period of time when I’d always been on the one level emotionally… never having really struggled with my mood.

I found the NHS isn’t really interested unless you’re an immediate danger to yourself or others. I wanted to sort it out so I started going to CBT sessions. It helped me no end, with the main benefit being someone being able to look at you/listen to you from an objective viewpoint and tell you where you are acting or thinking irrationally or in unproductive ways, e.g. where worrying makes absolutely no difference to the outcome or if you’re worrying senselessly.

Would definitely recommend it as it can be a way of working at resetting your base mood or expectations to something more realistic. It’s easy for you to be working away, not really getting a rest in your personal life and getting burned out. You end up getting into really stressful habits and patterns of though. Before you know it you’re on the verge of a breakdown. Lol!

Look after yourself and take a bit of time to work out why you’re unhappy would be my advice.

Jonnys3

I would second the advice of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy sessions as a starting point too as I've witnessed first hand the positive impact it had on my wife and her battles with PTSD, depression and anxiety.

ALi-B

iTrader: (1)

I've put off posting here because really my experience kind of echos that of others, yet the solutions (if there ever are any) is not always the same for each person.

Without putting my life story down here it's hard to sum up my own ups and downs in life; Maybe a search of my drunken posts from 15+ years ago may give an incite to the cracks being bridged by an online persona. And indeed in real life I unconsciously adopted alternate personas as means to detach from what life threw at me and to push on through various anxiety issues I had when at work or when dealing with high stress situations and other people. Whilst doing this is a handy way to deal with certain situations/people, but for me it took over and I ended up not being myself and sidelining my own interests, views, ambitions just to satisfy others. This is increasingly more an issue now where there seems to be too many people out there that will shout you down because they simply don't agree with you and push their own issues, agendas and negativity on to you for no other reason than just being there or doing/saying the wrong thing.

I spent a lot of time blaming my issues on situation and circumstances as well as other people. And it took a lot to realise that my own faults and issues although not always of my own making would still have happened regardless of circumstances because quite simply that's the way my brain is wired. It took lots of self learning to understand how I really do think, what triggers unhealthy thoughts and actions/reactions, unpick it and work a way through to control it in future situations whilst remaining true to myself.

There are alot of buzzwords out there and pigeon holes that with vague descriptions we all could fit it at some point, yet that's a small part of the picture. Anxiety attack; Being physically sick for no reason other than walking into a room full of people (anywhere, even the local pub) or being put on the spot by a simply inquisitive customer. It's debilitating. Causes are not always unique, nor are the triggers; I could trace it back to bullying at Primary school, where even a teacher would taunt me in front of class (meaning kids in the same class saw it as ok to do the same in the playground...children are c**ts sometimes). Trauma from divorces in childhood, single working parent upbringing, parental alcoholism, with no father figure as various men going in/out of my life (one reason why I get a bit political/outspoken about single parent families not being ok as the 'new norm' ). Decades later I find myself cutting myself off totally from everything social and being physically sick at mere thoughts and not know why.

I'm rambling but what I'm saying all those bad aspects in life can bubble up to haunt us at some point without either realising it and seemingly out of the blue. Even trauma that I thought I had dealt with and got over.

The key learning thing I take from this is time, time to unpick and unravel what makes you who you are and behave the way you do. From there you can build in that, what triggers it and how to work around it. If there is someone you trust snd can talk to, great. But sometimes talking to someone won't always give you answers because really that lies within you. That's why I can't say the usual online rebuttals of 'go to your GP', you can try by all means and I think the system after decades may finally be waking up to listening more than ever when previous 'cures' were antidepressants and 'manning up'.

So if you can get time/space to yourself and have the finances to support it, do it, if you know someone you can entrust, tell them. If you feel the need for further therapy/support, get it. There is no right route here, but understanding yourself is probably a building block to moving forward, from then on do what's necessary.

lockheed

iTrader: (1)

Solid advice Ali.
In this modern world men have a pretty hard time,.
Ive found Jordan Peterson on you tube, what a genius and not without his own mental health problems.

hedgecutter

iTrader: (5)

Alot of wise words here. Good for SN.

hodgy0_2

so not that much of a genius then!!

my advice, as others have said take up a sport / exercise

mine is windsurfing / kitesurfing

the exhilaration is unbelievable and after 30 years of doing it, i still sort of **** myself every time i do it - but it puts other problems in perspective and your trouble literally fade into nothing

Henrik

iTrader: (5)

Nobody is without problems, even mental health experts. It's great that you have something that works for you, but your solution may or may not work for everyone else, and others still need more than just exercise and excitement.


To the OP, and echoing others, CBT really helps in a lot of cases (including mine). I learnt loads about how I think from my sessions, and what I can do to improve my mood when things are rubbish. It doesn't always work completely, but it does help most of the time.

My own issues are not anxiety as such, but rather just straight up depression. I didn't have any issues accessing NHS services myself (self referral on the "mind" web-site), and I got an appointment within a week early last year (and I started the CBT course straight afterwards).

In my own case, I have to admit I thought CBT would be some "stupid fluffy BS waste of time", but actually it turned out to be really good indeed. I'm definitely not perfect by any stretch of the imagination (and probably never will be), but I am much better than I used to be, at least most of the time.

It took me a long time to take the step to contact the NHS, because tbh I thought it was just something I'd get over sooner or later (and a load of other excuses), but in the mean time I used to do the mood/anxiety self assessment on the web site https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/sel...sessment-quiz/ . It gives you a score for anixety and one for depression, and I used it over a period of about 6 months to build up a picture on a little spreadsheet (i'm a data nerd..) before I finally contacted them. For me, even just quantifying the "rubbish feelings" into a number helped a bit, because it kind of validated how I was feeling at the time. After a while, I knew roughly where I'd score if I took the test, so I could keep track of my mood mentally during the day etc, and just that focusing on feelings was pretty good (again for me - sounds fluffy and may not work for you etc etc).

lockheed

iTrader: (1)

Pick something up and carry it.
Sounds like you have taken his advice to a T🙂