ozzy

Picture the scene ......

I'm quietly heading into work this morning along the M8. Foo Fighters CD is blarring away in the car and I'm minding my own business in the outside lane doing around 70 (ish).

Traffic is heavy up ahead, there's been thick fog but it's starting to clear the closer I get to Livingston. There's a good half-mile of visibility, but muppets still insist on driving within 2-3 car lengths without lights.

My brakes are in need of replacing so I'm keeping football field distances behind cars, but some bird in an Audi is sitting right up my @rse. She's kept her distance when the roads been quiet, but as soon as I hit slower traffic, she's right on my bumper.

Anyway, driving along just past jct 3B and I notice an accident ahead on the West bound carraigeway. There's a traffic car interviewing some of the people and car's are starting to bunch together with the usual rubber neckers. I've come off the throttle to slow down and keep my distance, but I notice the Audi closing fast on my rear.

All of a sudden there's a huge cloud of tyre smoke a few cars ahead. The poor sod in the Nissan Micra in front of me jumps on his brakes and locks both fronts. 50ft of thick, black lines apear in front of me and his car starts to slide so much so that he must be facing down the carraigeway over his right shoulder He jumps off the brakes with full opposite lock and his car snaps round to the left and he Pirouette's like some gracefull ice skater.

Meanwhile, whilst I'm watching all this unfold, I've slammed on my own anchors and am desperetly trying to slow down faster than Jane Torvill in front (although he's trying his best to undo the laws of Physics ) I have a quick glance in my mirrors to see if I've got room to swerve around him, but there's even more tyre smoke behind me and the dizzy bint in her A3 is trying her best to stick her bonnet up my jacksy

This appears to be all happening in slow-motion, I'm braking as hard as I could and he's spinning (what feels like) 10ft in front of my bonnet; not sure if I'm meant to be Christopher Dean in this sorry episode

He eventually comes to rest nose-first about a baw-hair away from the barrier, me a baw-hair away from his bumper and Ms Audi a gnats baw-hair from me. I don't think he hit the barrier or if he did he must have just gently kissed it. Jezus, you should have seen the look on his face; I didn't know whether to just start laughing or crying he was that white

I gave him a thumb's up and he slowly nodded that he was OK. I reversed slightly to give him some room and he just backed out and went merrily (if a little more slowly and in the inside lane) on his way.

Meanwhile, Ms Audi was right up my @rse in the outside lane as soon as I got back up to speed. WTF is it with some people don't they ever learn? I gave her a right mouthfull as I turned off into Livingston, but she was just emotionless and sour-faced as she'd been all the way along the M8.

Think I'll get myself a lottery ticket today ....... I feel the lucks with me today

Stefan

KSY

There's just one mistake I can see - you didn't let her go immediately after you've noticed she doesn't keep proper distance.

Glad for you being lucky, and for the guy in the micra too.
Sergey

SCOSaltire

very lucky!!!

better not get upgraded 6pots, or else u would have had been rearended

nice story

ozzy

True, but then she'd probably have ran straight into the poor little Micra.

If I'd had new brakes, there's no way she'd have avoided me. No doubt, I let her past and she's replaced by some other to$$er in the outside lane.

Stefan

The_Gza

Sounds like a familiar story mate

Try the old 123 to stop peeps sitting up yer jacksie
1) Window and/or headlamp washers - normally enough for 60% to get the message
If they don't...
2) Picking up a little dirt from near the central reservation so they get nicely sandblasted normally sees off the remaining 35%
And for the 5% remaining 'hardcore' then...
3) gradually slow down until they are wondering why they appear to be going backwards

This all assumes you can't just move out of their way of course but that's not as much fun

ozzy

Thanks for the driving tips

The strange thing is though, when the road ahead cleared (both lanes), I moved into the inside lane and accelerated up to around 80. She just sat in the outside lane at 70 and slowly went backwards.

When I got to the back of a load of trucks, I pulled out and just sat behind the 5-6 cars in the fast lane. She just steamed right up at 70 until right on my bumper. She obviously hasn't grasped the concept of lifting off too slow down and would much rather brake at the last minute to stop

I mean, your driving along and there's 4 trucks in the inside lane. Your going up hill and a truck decides to overtake. So you drop back behind him at a frightening 55mph and some to$$er sits on your tailpipe. Like where the **** am I meant to go

She had plenty of oppertunity to get past in the 15-miles from Newhouse to Bathgate and I certainly voiced my opinions of her in my rearview mirror.

Maybe she just can't lip read

Scooby Dooby Blue

Maybe she's addicted to cruise control

ozzy

addicted to 'thumbin' more like

































'thumbin' - verb; too walk around with your head in neutral and your thumb up yer @rse

Marky-San

The fog was pretty poor is some bits. My only 'fright' was a silver car coming from my right at a pretty fair speed into a roundabout I was turning left through - no lights - me in Punto (no acceleration) and he proceeds to drive up my hoop whilst gesticulating at my good anticipation and reaction moves, no doubt.

Silver car - no lights - and fog isnt the best combination.

The audi driver wasnt a purple one was it? I had a lass drive up my hoop in one recently and she really did appreciate my scented wind screen washer - so much that everytime she flashes I gave her more.

sparkster

My grandpa, a 6'4" Glasweegian coal merchant used to drive a old crappy landrover and had got a tad peed off with somebody hugging his rear end.

He jammed the brakes on sending this peroson into his rear end - decided to get out the car and got torn into this boy.

There are some days i wish i drove a land rover as ide do exactly the same thing. I think its that weegie blood running in my veins - lol. I use weegie in a repectfull manor as you lot have great passion.