alcazar

iTrader: (2)

Q. What is left when a French cheese factory is struck by a hurricane?
A. De Brie.

Q. Why should you always have BabyBels at Christmas?
A. Christmas is all about baby cheeses....

Q. Why did Santa get his reindeer blinkers for Chritmas?
A. He heard them saying they all wanted i-pads........

And finally....

A penguin is driving home when he hears his car begin making a funny noise. He drives into a garage where a polar bear mechanic comes out to take a look.

After listening to the car, the polar bear sucks his teeth and says, "Looks like you might have blown a seal...."

"No," says the penguin, "I've been eating ice-cream..."

pslewis

OH, Dear .....

daviee

Polar bear having a **** beside a Penguin..... Polar bear ask penguin do you never have bother with **** sticking to your fur? ..... The penguin says no ..... so the polar bear wipes its a$$ with the penguin

alcazar

iTrader: (2)

Love that last one.
I once saw a birthday card with a bear, having a cr@p, asking a rabbit if **** stuck to his fur on the front, and the rabbit saying no.
Inside is a smug looking bear and VERY p*ssed-off looking rabbit, covered in bear-****!

Oldun

I changed my i Pod name to Titanic.

It's syncing now.

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When chemists die, they barium.

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Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

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A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray

is now a seasoned veteran.

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I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid.

He says he can stop any time.

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How does Moses make his tea ?

Hebrews it.

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I stayed up all night to see where the sun went.

Then it dawned on me.

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This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club,

but I'd never met herbivore .

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I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

I can't put it down.

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I did a theatrical performance about puns.

It was a play on words.

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They told me I had Type-A blood,

but it was a Type-O.

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PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

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Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory.

I hope there's no pop quiz.

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Energizer bunny arrested.

Charged with battery.

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I didn't like my beard at first.

Then it grew on me.

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How do you make holy water?

Boil the hell out of it!

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Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job

because she couldn't control her pupils?

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When you get a bladder infection,

urine trouble .

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What does a clock do when it's hungry?

It goes back four seconds.

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I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.

Then it hit me!

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Broken pencils are pointless.

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I tried to catch some fog.

I mist.

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What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary?

A thesaurus.

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England has no kidney bank,

but it does have a Liverpool.

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I used to be a banker,

but then I lost interest.

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I dropped out of communism class

because of lousy Marx.

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All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen.

Police have nothing to go on.

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I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

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Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

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Velcro - what a rip off!

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Cartoonist found dead in home.

Details are sketchy.

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Venison for dinner?

Oh deer!

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Earthquake in Washington;

obviously government's fault.

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I used to think I was indecisive,

but now I'm not so sure.

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Be kind to your dentist.

He has fillings, too.

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I failed the interview as a joke writer for a Christmas cracker manufacturer,
they said the jokes were too bad.

the shreksta

iTrader: (20)

whats green and smells of pork?.....................kermits fingers

chocolate_o_brian

iTrader: (22)

Jeff, I swear I have that very card off an old mate about 10 years ago. It's like a spring scene, grass and trees in a cartoony setting? If not its a bloody close variation

alcazar

iTrader: (2)

Yep, that's the one.
I've also seen one with one cartoon bloke asking another, who is utterly dripping with slime, "What's come over you then?" Meanwhile, in the background, is an elephant looking very smug........