50 shades of chav (For those fed up of 50 shades of grey)
29 June 2012, 05:35 PM
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50 shades of chav (For those fed up of 50 shades of grey)
50 shades of Chav.
"As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my vel...our tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight."
Another extract from my 2nd book 13 flavours of WKD.
"It was Dwayne's birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight. His favourite position was what he called The Dogs of War. Where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time."
More from raunchy Chav fest 13 flavours of WKD.
"Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant. I thought of this as he lay on top of me making love. His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for I love you"
Last extracts from the final book of the trilogy, My Tan was 11 Shades of Orange.
"As I stood in line at the Job Centre thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind the Iceland. He had tied up his Staffy to block the ally way so we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same."
Final extract from the book 12 Shades of my Fake Tan.
"My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to the violence but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he hit me. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had ****** his tea up after failing to de-frost his prawn ring I had nicked from farm foods. He picked up the power lead from my kids mega drive and whipped it across my doughy ****. It stung but I liked it. I shouted again again so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces. As I looked over my shoulder I saw his Weetabix toothed smile. He even had a semi on which rare as the crack normally played havoc with his erections"
"As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my vel...our tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight."
Another extract from my 2nd book 13 flavours of WKD.
"It was Dwayne's birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight. His favourite position was what he called The Dogs of War. Where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time."
More from raunchy Chav fest 13 flavours of WKD.
"Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant. I thought of this as he lay on top of me making love. His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for I love you"
Last extracts from the final book of the trilogy, My Tan was 11 Shades of Orange.
"As I stood in line at the Job Centre thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind the Iceland. He had tied up his Staffy to block the ally way so we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same."
Final extract from the book 12 Shades of my Fake Tan.
"My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to the violence but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he hit me. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had ****** his tea up after failing to de-frost his prawn ring I had nicked from farm foods. He picked up the power lead from my kids mega drive and whipped it across my doughy ****. It stung but I liked it. I shouted again again so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces. As I looked over my shoulder I saw his Weetabix toothed smile. He even had a semi on which rare as the crack normally played havoc with his erections"
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29 June 2012, 08:04 PM
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Update
More from 12 Shades of my Fake Tan. "I had a week to myself, bliss. The kids were all at their respective dads apart from Shakira whose dad was on remand. Luckily her Grandma was home as this time last year she was in Malia on an 18-30. Dwayne wanted me to be a Dominatrix but I couldn't get the gear as the new security guard at Ann Summers was a right c*nt. I had to improvise. I put on my fave black sl*g wellies and wrapped bin bags around my muffin tops. For the mask I pulled my old black period pants over my head. I looked like gothic Vanessa Feltz attempting a bank job. Dwayne looked well chuffed as he had scored some Viagra off his dealer. I climbed on top but the idiot was asleep. He had bought diazepam my mistake. I tried to get him inside me but it was like trying to push toothpaste back into the tube. Finishing myself on the kids buzz light-year wasn't my finest hour but needs must.
More from 12 Shades of my Fake Tan. "I had a week to myself, bliss. The kids were all at their respective dads apart from Shakira whose dad was on remand. Luckily her Grandma was home as this time last year she was in Malia on an 18-30. Dwayne wanted me to be a Dominatrix but I couldn't get the gear as the new security guard at Ann Summers was a right c*nt. I had to improvise. I put on my fave black sl*g wellies and wrapped bin bags around my muffin tops. For the mask I pulled my old black period pants over my head. I looked like gothic Vanessa Feltz attempting a bank job. Dwayne looked well chuffed as he had scored some Viagra off his dealer. I climbed on top but the idiot was asleep. He had bought diazepam my mistake. I tried to get him inside me but it was like trying to push toothpaste back into the tube. Finishing myself on the kids buzz light-year wasn't my finest hour but needs must.
30 June 2012, 09:22 AM
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Update
More from 12 Shades of my Fake Tan. "I had a week to myself, bliss. The kids were all at their respective dads apart from Shakira whose dad was on remand. Luckily her Grandma was home as this time last year she was in Malia on an 18-30. Dwayne wanted me to be a Dominatrix but I couldn't get the gear as the new security guard at Ann Summers was a right c*nt. I had to improvise. I put on my fave black sl*g wellies and wrapped bin bags around my muffin tops. For the mask I pulled my old black period pants over my head. I looked like gothic Vanessa Feltz attempting a bank job. Dwayne looked well chuffed as he had scored some Viagra off his dealer. I climbed on top but the idiot was asleep. He had bought diazepam my mistake. I tried to get him inside me but it was like trying to push toothpaste back into the tube. Finishing myself on the kids buzz light-year wasn't my finest hour but needs must.
More from 12 Shades of my Fake Tan. "I had a week to myself, bliss. The kids were all at their respective dads apart from Shakira whose dad was on remand. Luckily her Grandma was home as this time last year she was in Malia on an 18-30. Dwayne wanted me to be a Dominatrix but I couldn't get the gear as the new security guard at Ann Summers was a right c*nt. I had to improvise. I put on my fave black sl*g wellies and wrapped bin bags around my muffin tops. For the mask I pulled my old black period pants over my head. I looked like gothic Vanessa Feltz attempting a bank job. Dwayne looked well chuffed as he had scored some Viagra off his dealer. I climbed on top but the idiot was asleep. He had bought diazepam my mistake. I tried to get him inside me but it was like trying to push toothpaste back into the tube. Finishing myself on the kids buzz light-year wasn't my finest hour but needs must.
That might be the funniest thing i have ever read on Snet.
08 July 2012, 11:23 PM
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10 July 2012, 01:31 PM
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Why is this book so popular? It gets pretty much universally panned in the Amazon reviews as having amateurish, childish writing with no depth of character or thought required....
Yet she is about to buy a 3 million pound house in London
Yet she is about to buy a 3 million pound house in London
10 July 2012, 01:54 PM
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10 July 2012, 02:05 PM
#19
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check out "50 shades of red white and blue" on facebook, it's written with a heavy belfast chav (or millie as we call them (an old reference to female mill workers)) accent so it it hard to read until you get the hang of it.
It contains such classic lines as;
What's your name ?
"You can call me Mr Red" but I'll call him Mr Redwhiteandblue
you can call me Bell because my Kex are ringing at the sight of you in your Chino's
windyboy
It contains such classic lines as;
What's your name ?
"You can call me Mr Red" but I'll call him Mr Redwhiteandblue
you can call me Bell because my Kex are ringing at the sight of you in your Chino's
windyboy
10 July 2012, 05:33 PM
#21
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https://www.facebook.com/#!/50ShadesOfRedWhiteAndBlue
go to "see more recent stories" at the bottom of the page for chapter's
go to "see more recent stories" at the bottom of the page for chapter's
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