just to see what all the fuss was about
13 September 2010, 11:00 AM
#3
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ahhh banny if you only knew. we have enough trouble with our own King James bible without slagging off others. just thought it was quite funny as it seemed topical atm.
13 September 2010, 11:06 AM
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13 September 2010, 11:07 AM
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Muslim Television Guide
------------------------
6.00: G-Had TV.
Morning prayers.
8.30: Talitubbies.
Talitubbies say "Eh-oh". Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher.
9.00: Shouts of Praise.
More prayers.
10.00: The Apprentice.
Ten young Muslims complete a variety of tasks each week - one of them will be recruited by prominent Islamist leader Muqtada al-Sadr into a top position in the Mahdi Army.
11.00: Jihad's Army.
The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels.
12.00: Ready, Steady, Jihad!
Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects.
12.30: Panoramadan.
The programme reports on America's attempts to take over the world.
13.30: Xena.
Modestly dressed housewife Xena stays at home and does some cooking.
14.00: Only Fools and Camels.
Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas.
14.30: Green Peter.
The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top appeal is revealed.
15.00: Madrasah Challenge.
Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions. 'Starter for ten, no praying.'
15.30: I Love 629.
A look back at the events of the year, including the Prophet's entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols.
16.00: Question Time.
Members of the public face questions from political and religious leaders.
16.30: Countdown.
Can the American prisoners defuse the bomb in their cell before the timer runs down?
17.00: koranation Street.
Deirdrie faces execution by stoning for adultery.
17.30: Middle-East Enders.
The entire cast is jailed for unislamic behaviour.
18.00: Holiday.
The team go on pilgrimage to Mecca. Again.
18.30: Top of the Prophets.
Will the koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week running?
19.00: Who wants to be a Muhajadin?
Mahmoud Tarran asks the questions. Will contestants phone a mullah, go 'inshallah', or ask the Islamic council?
20.00: FILM: Shariah's Angels.
The three burkha-clad sleuths go undercover to expose an evil scheme to educate women.
21.30: Big Brother.
Who will be taken out of the house and executed this week?
22.00: Imam Ted.
Sitcom about three imams who live on a tiny island in the Persian Gulf. This week, Imam Dhuga'il accidentally burns down the mosque, while Imam Jakh is stoned to death for drinking alcohol.
22.30: Shahs in their Eyes.
More hopefuls imitate famous destroyers of the infidel.
23.30: They think it's Allah over.
Quiz culminating in the 'Don't feel the Mullah' round.
Midnight: When Imams Attack.
Amusing footage shot secretly in mosques. The filmers were also secretly shot.
00:.30: The West Bank Show.
Arts programme looking at anti-Israel graffiti art in the occupied territories.
01.30: Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer.
02.00: A book at bedtime.
The koran. Again.
------------------------
6.00: G-Had TV.
Morning prayers.
8.30: Talitubbies.
Talitubbies say "Eh-oh". Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher.
9.00: Shouts of Praise.
More prayers.
10.00: The Apprentice.
Ten young Muslims complete a variety of tasks each week - one of them will be recruited by prominent Islamist leader Muqtada al-Sadr into a top position in the Mahdi Army.
11.00: Jihad's Army.
The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels.
12.00: Ready, Steady, Jihad!
Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects.
12.30: Panoramadan.
The programme reports on America's attempts to take over the world.
13.30: Xena.
Modestly dressed housewife Xena stays at home and does some cooking.
14.00: Only Fools and Camels.
Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas.
14.30: Green Peter.
The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top appeal is revealed.
15.00: Madrasah Challenge.
Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions. 'Starter for ten, no praying.'
15.30: I Love 629.
A look back at the events of the year, including the Prophet's entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols.
16.00: Question Time.
Members of the public face questions from political and religious leaders.
16.30: Countdown.
Can the American prisoners defuse the bomb in their cell before the timer runs down?
17.00: koranation Street.
Deirdrie faces execution by stoning for adultery.
17.30: Middle-East Enders.
The entire cast is jailed for unislamic behaviour.
18.00: Holiday.
The team go on pilgrimage to Mecca. Again.
18.30: Top of the Prophets.
Will the koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week running?
19.00: Who wants to be a Muhajadin?
Mahmoud Tarran asks the questions. Will contestants phone a mullah, go 'inshallah', or ask the Islamic council?
20.00: FILM: Shariah's Angels.
The three burkha-clad sleuths go undercover to expose an evil scheme to educate women.
21.30: Big Brother.
Who will be taken out of the house and executed this week?
22.00: Imam Ted.
Sitcom about three imams who live on a tiny island in the Persian Gulf. This week, Imam Dhuga'il accidentally burns down the mosque, while Imam Jakh is stoned to death for drinking alcohol.
22.30: Shahs in their Eyes.
More hopefuls imitate famous destroyers of the infidel.
23.30: They think it's Allah over.
Quiz culminating in the 'Don't feel the Mullah' round.
Midnight: When Imams Attack.
Amusing footage shot secretly in mosques. The filmers were also secretly shot.
00:.30: The West Bank Show.
Arts programme looking at anti-Israel graffiti art in the occupied territories.
01.30: Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer.
02.00: A book at bedtime.
The koran. Again.
13 September 2010, 11:23 AM
#8
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Ian - no one will prophet from this!
Muslim Television Guide
------------------------
6.00: G-Had TV.
Morning prayers.
8.30: Talitubbies.
Talitubbies say "Eh-oh". Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher.
9.00: Shouts of Praise.
More prayers.
10.00: The Apprentice.
Ten young Muslims complete a variety of tasks each week - one of them will be recruited by prominent Islamist leader Muqtada al-Sadr into a top position in the Mahdi Army.
11.00: Jihad's Army.
The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels.
12.00: Ready, Steady, Jihad!
Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects.
12.30: Panoramadan.
The programme reports on America's attempts to take over the world.
13.30: Xena.
Modestly dressed housewife Xena stays at home and does some cooking.
14.00: Only Fools and Camels.
Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas.
14.30: Green Peter.
The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top appeal is revealed.
15.00: Madrasah Challenge.
Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions. 'Starter for ten, no praying.'
15.30: I Love 629.
A look back at the events of the year, including the Prophet's entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols.
16.00: Question Time.
Members of the public face questions from political and religious leaders.
16.30: Countdown.
Can the American prisoners defuse the bomb in their cell before the timer runs down?
17.00: koranation Street.
Deirdrie faces execution by stoning for adultery.
17.30: Middle-East Enders.
The entire cast is jailed for unislamic behaviour.
18.00: Holiday.
The team go on pilgrimage to Mecca. Again.
18.30: Top of the Prophets.
Will the koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week running?
19.00: Who wants to be a Muhajadin?
Mahmoud Tarran asks the questions. Will contestants phone a mullah, go 'inshallah', or ask the Islamic council?
20.00: FILM: Shariah's Angels.
The three burkha-clad sleuths go undercover to expose an evil scheme to educate women.
21.30: Big Brother.
Who will be taken out of the house and executed this week?
22.00: Imam Ted.
Sitcom about three imams who live on a tiny island in the Persian Gulf. This week, Imam Dhuga'il accidentally burns down the mosque, while Imam Jakh is stoned to death for drinking alcohol.
22.30: Shahs in their Eyes.
More hopefuls imitate famous destroyers of the infidel.
23.30: They think it's Allah over.
Quiz culminating in the 'Don't feel the Mullah' round.
Midnight: When Imams Attack.
Amusing footage shot secretly in mosques. The filmers were also secretly shot.
00:.30: The West Bank Show.
Arts programme looking at anti-Israel graffiti art in the occupied territories.
01.30: Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer.
02.00: A book at bedtime.
The koran. Again.
------------------------
6.00: G-Had TV.
Morning prayers.
8.30: Talitubbies.
Talitubbies say "Eh-oh". Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher.
9.00: Shouts of Praise.
More prayers.
10.00: The Apprentice.
Ten young Muslims complete a variety of tasks each week - one of them will be recruited by prominent Islamist leader Muqtada al-Sadr into a top position in the Mahdi Army.
11.00: Jihad's Army.
The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels.
12.00: Ready, Steady, Jihad!
Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects.
12.30: Panoramadan.
The programme reports on America's attempts to take over the world.
13.30: Xena.
Modestly dressed housewife Xena stays at home and does some cooking.
14.00: Only Fools and Camels.
Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas.
14.30: Green Peter.
The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top appeal is revealed.
15.00: Madrasah Challenge.
Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions. 'Starter for ten, no praying.'
15.30: I Love 629.
A look back at the events of the year, including the Prophet's entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols.
16.00: Question Time.
Members of the public face questions from political and religious leaders.
16.30: Countdown.
Can the American prisoners defuse the bomb in their cell before the timer runs down?
17.00: koranation Street.
Deirdrie faces execution by stoning for adultery.
17.30: Middle-East Enders.
The entire cast is jailed for unislamic behaviour.
18.00: Holiday.
The team go on pilgrimage to Mecca. Again.
18.30: Top of the Prophets.
Will the koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week running?
19.00: Who wants to be a Muhajadin?
Mahmoud Tarran asks the questions. Will contestants phone a mullah, go 'inshallah', or ask the Islamic council?
20.00: FILM: Shariah's Angels.
The three burkha-clad sleuths go undercover to expose an evil scheme to educate women.
21.30: Big Brother.
Who will be taken out of the house and executed this week?
22.00: Imam Ted.
Sitcom about three imams who live on a tiny island in the Persian Gulf. This week, Imam Dhuga'il accidentally burns down the mosque, while Imam Jakh is stoned to death for drinking alcohol.
22.30: Shahs in their Eyes.
More hopefuls imitate famous destroyers of the infidel.
23.30: They think it's Allah over.
Quiz culminating in the 'Don't feel the Mullah' round.
Midnight: When Imams Attack.
Amusing footage shot secretly in mosques. The filmers were also secretly shot.
00:.30: The West Bank Show.
Arts programme looking at anti-Israel graffiti art in the occupied territories.
01.30: Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer.
02.00: A book at bedtime.
The koran. Again.
13 September 2010, 11:30 AM
#9
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Had to smile at Koranation Street 
Makes you wonder what lhe local radio's The Book Club will be about?
dl
Makes you wonder what lhe local radio's The Book Club will be about?
dl
Last edited by David Lock; 13 September 2010 at 11:37 AM.
13 September 2010, 12:27 PM
#12
Trouble is, there doesnt seem to be much capacity for self depraction within Islam, rather than "Good one, you got us there" and a bit of banter to and for for that authentic, inclusive and freindly joshing, you just get "Silence, I kill you", its funny as the Muslims I know are alwasy up for a laugh, same as anyone else, dont think the Christians are much less touchy if someone disses their religion, they just sulk though.
13 September 2010, 01:10 PM
#13
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Muslim Television Guide
------------------------
6.00: G-Had TV.
Morning prayers.
8.30: Talitubbies.
Talitubbies say "Eh-oh". Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher.
9.00: Shouts of Praise.
More prayers.
10.00: The Apprentice.
Ten young Muslims complete a variety of tasks each week - one of them will be recruited by prominent Islamist leader Muqtada al-Sadr into a top position in the Mahdi Army.
11.00: Jihad's Army.
The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels.
12.00: Ready, Steady, Jihad!
Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects.
12.30: Panoramadan.
The programme reports on America's attempts to take over the world.
13.30: Xena.
Modestly dressed housewife Xena stays at home and does some cooking.
14.00: Only Fools and Camels.
Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas.
14.30: Green Peter.
The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top appeal is revealed.
15.00: Madrasah Challenge.
Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions. 'Starter for ten, no praying.'
15.30: I Love 629.
A look back at the events of the year, including the Prophet's entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols.
16.00: Question Time.
Members of the public face questions from political and religious leaders.
16.30: Countdown.
Can the American prisoners defuse the bomb in their cell before the timer runs down?
17.00: koranation Street.
Deirdrie faces execution by stoning for adultery.
17.30: Middle-East Enders.
The entire cast is jailed for unislamic behaviour.
18.00: Holiday.
The team go on pilgrimage to Mecca. Again.
18.30: Top of the Prophets.
Will the koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week running?
19.00: Who wants to be a Muhajadin?
Mahmoud Tarran asks the questions. Will contestants phone a mullah, go 'inshallah', or ask the Islamic council?
20.00: FILM: Shariah's Angels.
The three burkha-clad sleuths go undercover to expose an evil scheme to educate women.
21.30: Big Brother.
Who will be taken out of the house and executed this week?
22.00: Imam Ted.
Sitcom about three imams who live on a tiny island in the Persian Gulf. This week, Imam Dhuga'il accidentally burns down the mosque, while Imam Jakh is stoned to death for drinking alcohol.
22.30: Shahs in their Eyes.
More hopefuls imitate famous destroyers of the infidel.
23.30: They think it's Allah over.
Quiz culminating in the 'Don't feel the Mullah' round.
Midnight: When Imams Attack.
Amusing footage shot secretly in mosques. The filmers were also secretly shot.
00:.30: The West Bank Show.
Arts programme looking at anti-Israel graffiti art in the occupied territories.
01.30: Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer.
02.00: A book at bedtime.
The koran. Again.
------------------------
6.00: G-Had TV.
Morning prayers.
8.30: Talitubbies.
Talitubbies say "Eh-oh". Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher.
9.00: Shouts of Praise.
More prayers.
10.00: The Apprentice.
Ten young Muslims complete a variety of tasks each week - one of them will be recruited by prominent Islamist leader Muqtada al-Sadr into a top position in the Mahdi Army.
11.00: Jihad's Army.
The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels.
12.00: Ready, Steady, Jihad!
Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects.
12.30: Panoramadan.
The programme reports on America's attempts to take over the world.
13.30: Xena.
Modestly dressed housewife Xena stays at home and does some cooking.
14.00: Only Fools and Camels.
Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas.
14.30: Green Peter.
The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top appeal is revealed.
15.00: Madrasah Challenge.
Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions. 'Starter for ten, no praying.'
15.30: I Love 629.
A look back at the events of the year, including the Prophet's entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols.
16.00: Question Time.
Members of the public face questions from political and religious leaders.
16.30: Countdown.
Can the American prisoners defuse the bomb in their cell before the timer runs down?
17.00: koranation Street.
Deirdrie faces execution by stoning for adultery.
17.30: Middle-East Enders.
The entire cast is jailed for unislamic behaviour.
18.00: Holiday.
The team go on pilgrimage to Mecca. Again.
18.30: Top of the Prophets.
Will the koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week running?
19.00: Who wants to be a Muhajadin?
Mahmoud Tarran asks the questions. Will contestants phone a mullah, go 'inshallah', or ask the Islamic council?
20.00: FILM: Shariah's Angels.
The three burkha-clad sleuths go undercover to expose an evil scheme to educate women.
21.30: Big Brother.
Who will be taken out of the house and executed this week?
22.00: Imam Ted.
Sitcom about three imams who live on a tiny island in the Persian Gulf. This week, Imam Dhuga'il accidentally burns down the mosque, while Imam Jakh is stoned to death for drinking alcohol.
22.30: Shahs in their Eyes.
More hopefuls imitate famous destroyers of the infidel.
23.30: They think it's Allah over.
Quiz culminating in the 'Don't feel the Mullah' round.
Midnight: When Imams Attack.
Amusing footage shot secretly in mosques. The filmers were also secretly shot.
00:.30: The West Bank Show.
Arts programme looking at anti-Israel graffiti art in the occupied territories.
01.30: Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer.
02.00: A book at bedtime.
The koran. Again.
13 September 2010, 01:48 PM
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4 things to remember when entering a mosque. Shoes off, socks off, sawn off, safety off.
Last edited by bigsinky; 13 September 2010 at 02:04 PM.
13 September 2010, 07:12 PM
#16
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You know you're taliban if...
You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
You own a 3000 quid machine gun and 5000 quid rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
You have more wives than teeth.
You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.
You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
You've often uttered the phrase, 'I love what you've done with your cave.'
You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.
You've ever had a crush on your neighbour's goat.
You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
You own a 3000 quid machine gun and 5000 quid rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
You have more wives than teeth.
You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.
You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
You've often uttered the phrase, 'I love what you've done with your cave.'
You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.
You've ever had a crush on your neighbour's goat.
13 September 2010, 07:50 PM
#17
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A large group of taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune.
"One British SAS soldier is better than ten taliban".
The taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few [...]
Reveal the rest of this joke
A large group of taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune.
"One British SAS soldier is better than ten taliban".
The taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice then calls out "One British SAS soldier is better than one hundred taliban".
Furious, the taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence. The voice calls out again "One British SAS soldier is better than one thousand taliban".
The enraged taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence. Eventually one wounded taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, it's a trap, ...there's actually two of them."
.
"One British SAS soldier is better than ten taliban".
The taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few [...]
Reveal the rest of this joke
A large group of taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune.
"One British SAS soldier is better than ten taliban".
The taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice then calls out "One British SAS soldier is better than one hundred taliban".
Furious, the taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence. The voice calls out again "One British SAS soldier is better than one thousand taliban".
The enraged taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence. Eventually one wounded taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, it's a trap, ...there's actually two of them."
.
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