Time for a Thursday joke or two
01 May 2008, 02:44 PM
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Time for a Thursday joke or two
Here's mine, not great, but rude, so gets the thumbs up in my book! 
Other contributions invited!
A couple are in bed when the bloke says to the lady,
"Do you fancy trying a new position tonight?"
The Lady replies,
"What did you have in mind"
The bloke says,
"The social security position"
The lady enquires,
"What's that?"
The bloke says
"Well, when my ***** are touching your ***, you're getting the full benefit!"
Other contributions invited!
A couple are in bed when the bloke says to the lady,
"Do you fancy trying a new position tonight?"
The Lady replies,
"What did you have in mind"
The bloke says,
"The social security position"
The lady enquires,
"What's that?"
The bloke says
"Well, when my ***** are touching your ***, you're getting the full benefit!"
01 May 2008, 03:06 PM
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A man walks into a petrol station and says
"Can I please have a kitkat chunky".
The lady behind the till gets him a kitkat chunky and brings it back to him.
"No" says the man. "I wanted a normal kitkat you fat bitch"
"Can I please have a kitkat chunky".
The lady behind the till gets him a kitkat chunky and brings it back to him.
"No" says the man. "I wanted a normal kitkat you fat bitch"
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01 May 2008, 04:48 PM
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A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, get me another beer, it's gonna start any second."
"That's it!" She blows her top, "You b*stard! You waltz in here, flop your fat @rse down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed. "Oh ****... it's started."
01 May 2008, 04:57 PM
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LOL!!
A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, get me another beer, it's gonna start any second."
"That's it!" She blows her top, "You b*stard! You waltz in here, flop your fat @rse down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed. "Oh ****... it's started."
A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, get me another beer, it's gonna start any second."
"That's it!" She blows her top, "You b*stard! You waltz in here, flop your fat @rse down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed. "Oh ****... it's started."
Genius. 
01 May 2008, 05:01 PM
#11
LOL!!
A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, get me another beer, it's gonna start any second."
"That's it!" She blows her top, "You b*stard! You waltz in here, flop your fat @rse down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed. "Oh ****... it's started."
A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, get me another beer, it's gonna start any second."
"That's it!" She blows her top, "You b*stard! You waltz in here, flop your fat @rse down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed. "Oh ****... it's started."
01 May 2008, 07:08 PM
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A young lad is watching a nature documentary with his family, and there is a Panda on the screen.
" Daddy, why does the panda have one eye thats black? " asks the lad.
" Well, " replies his dad, "It's because of natural camouflage- so he can hide in the jungle. "
The lad thinks for a while, then asks- "Well, is that why mummy has one eye that's black too?
" No, " replies the father - " That's because she burnt the dinner. "
And there are many more here: Sick Joke Wiki - Sickipedia
" Daddy, why does the panda have one eye thats black? " asks the lad.
" Well, " replies his dad, "It's because of natural camouflage- so he can hide in the jungle. "
The lad thinks for a while, then asks- "Well, is that why mummy has one eye that's black too?
" No, " replies the father - " That's because she burnt the dinner. "
And there are many more here: Sick Joke Wiki - Sickipedia
02 May 2008, 09:03 AM
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A blonde starts work at a school. She is sent out to do playground duty on her first day. She notices a boy in the field stood by himself while all the other kids are running around having fun, she takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'you ok?' she says
'yes' he says
'you can play with the other kids you know' she says
'It's best I stay here' he says
'why?' says the blonde
The boys says 'Because I'm the f#cking goalie'
'you ok?' she says
'yes' he says
'you can play with the other kids you know' she says
'It's best I stay here' he says
'why?' says the blonde
The boys says 'Because I'm the f#cking goalie'
02 May 2008, 09:07 AM
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02 May 2008, 01:36 PM
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A blonde starts work at a school. She is sent out to do playground duty on her first day. She notices a boy in the field stood by himself while all the other kids are running around having fun, she takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'you ok?' she says
'yes' he says
'you can play with the other kids you know' she says
'It's best I stay here' he says
'why?' says the blonde
The boys says 'Because I'm the f#cking goalie'
'you ok?' she says
'yes' he says
'you can play with the other kids you know' she says
'It's best I stay here' he says
'why?' says the blonde
The boys says 'Because I'm the f#cking goalie'
Les
02 May 2008, 01:44 PM
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A man enters a barber shop for a shave.
While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has
getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the
thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball
from a nearby
drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client
places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with
the
closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the
client asks in garbled speech.
"And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like
everyone else does."
While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has
getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the
thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball
from a nearby
drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client
places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with
the
closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the
client asks in garbled speech.
"And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like
everyone else does."
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