Anyone had/been on the receiving end of post natal depression?
21 September 2006, 11:23 PM
#1
Anyone had/been on the receiving end of post natal depression?
Did not really want to post this, but basically the gf gave birth to our beautiful son 3 months ago, and for the last 4 weeks she seems to have totally changed personality. Anything from placing a mug not on a mat properly or not feeding the cat on time. will send her into a fit of rage, not only that but you can see the hate in her eyes. There are oyher factors that I do not want to go into right now, but does this sound like pnd Or just the end of our relationship?
21 September 2006, 11:28 PM
#3
My missus reckons she had it, I remember being knackered all the time after the third arrived, she was knackered, the kids were a nightmare, we were skint and never got a night off. This was due to my brother and law and his missus moving in with my in laws, so this buggered us for a babysitter, wasnt asking for much, once every month or two but because they were there we didnt get a look in, he was doing exams.
Anyway, they now have three very young kids that run them ragged, hah haha ahahahahahahaha.
That was our lowest point. Get your missus to have a word with her GP or health visitor, women have a tendency to look after kids whilst they crumble themselves.
Anyway, they now have three very young kids that run them ragged, hah haha ahahahahahahaha.
That was our lowest point. Get your missus to have a word with her GP or health visitor, women have a tendency to look after kids whilst they crumble themselves.
21 September 2006, 11:30 PM
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Sounds like some symptoms of PND to me, GP the way to go.
Or is she just really tired and not expressing herself 'as normal' hard one to call
Or is she just really tired and not expressing herself 'as normal' hard one to call
21 September 2006, 11:39 PM
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Not something I like to talk about, but with having three children and losing two grandparents close together after having my youngest child, I have been suffering from it.
It is controlled ATM by SSRI's
THere has been a few times since I had my eldest (who's now almost seven) where I felt great, so stopped taking the tablets, within weeks I was turning into a monster
Have been on them a few times, but not kept taking them, with awful results, this time I have been on them well over a year, if I miss a few, I start feeling extremely down and tearful at the slightest thing and also very snappy, it seems out of my control
It's an awful thing to suffer from and I wish it would just go away, unfortuntely, it takes time
THe best thing to do perhaps is phone the health visitor and have a chat about her and see what they say. THey will (should) come and see her and do an assessment, and encourage her to see her GP. THey will either tell her ways of trying to cope, or offer a form of medication. It takes weeks to get into your system though, so don't expect it to go overnight - it won't.
Do NOT tell her to pull herself together or tell her she's being stupid.
Offer her as much help and support you can and TRY and understand what she's going through, she has gone through some massive changes over the last few months, both hormonally and physically and will need time to adjust.
With PND, you often feel like those who love you and are trying to help you, hate you and you feel worthless, you have sever mood swings and are tired, but have difficulty sleeping, hide yourself away from anyone and everything, as you don't want to go out etc, many sufferers often have suicidal thoughts, so please make sure the health visitor is aware of her change in mood etc.
Not too sure what else to add really, but any questions, feel free to email me
It is controlled ATM by SSRI's
THere has been a few times since I had my eldest (who's now almost seven) where I felt great, so stopped taking the tablets, within weeks I was turning into a monster
Have been on them a few times, but not kept taking them, with awful results, this time I have been on them well over a year, if I miss a few, I start feeling extremely down and tearful at the slightest thing and also very snappy, it seems out of my control
It's an awful thing to suffer from and I wish it would just go away, unfortuntely, it takes time
THe best thing to do perhaps is phone the health visitor and have a chat about her and see what they say. THey will (should) come and see her and do an assessment, and encourage her to see her GP. THey will either tell her ways of trying to cope, or offer a form of medication. It takes weeks to get into your system though, so don't expect it to go overnight - it won't.
Do NOT tell her to pull herself together or tell her she's being stupid.
Offer her as much help and support you can and TRY and understand what she's going through, she has gone through some massive changes over the last few months, both hormonally and physically and will need time to adjust.
With PND, you often feel like those who love you and are trying to help you, hate you and you feel worthless, you have sever mood swings and are tired, but have difficulty sleeping, hide yourself away from anyone and everything, as you don't want to go out etc, many sufferers often have suicidal thoughts, so please make sure the health visitor is aware of her change in mood etc.
Not too sure what else to add really, but any questions, feel free to email me
21 September 2006, 11:41 PM
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two fekkin years of it, fella.. ended up with her getting sorted by the doc.. just as well 'cos i really was at the end of my tether /ready to walk.....
21 September 2006, 11:46 PM
#7
Originally Posted by hectic
two fekkin years of it, fella.. ended up with her getting sorted by the doc.. just as well 'cos i really was at the end of my tether /ready to walk.....
Told a couple of people what else she has done. but when I look in her eyes she really seems to hate me.
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22 September 2006, 12:42 AM
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my wife had our first 10 weeks ago and she's been acting a bit irrational lately, doesn't sounds as bad as yours, but it has been very tense on the odd occasion. The only thing I can advise is to pull your socks up (not implying you're a slacker) and help out as much as possible around the house. Do ALL the cleaning, shopping and cooking and don't spend much time out down the pub. Just try and support her as much as possible.
I bought a massage/pamper day for my wife, which she's yet to do, but that really cheered her up, the thought of being pampered for a day.
I bought a massage/pamper day for my wife, which she's yet to do, but that really cheered her up, the thought of being pampered for a day.
22 September 2006, 01:41 AM
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Its all about confidence & self esteem. You have to help your partner through it, there is no other choice, she is the mother of your child. Keep with her & help her out & it'll all come together.
**** thats the first decent post i have done for a good few months
Honestly its all about the way she feels, make your missus feel good about herself & it will help towards the solution.
**** thats the first decent post i have done for a good few months
Honestly its all about the way she feels, make your missus feel good about herself & it will help towards the solution.
22 September 2006, 01:44 AM
#10
Originally Posted by sti-04!!
Its all about confidence & self esteem. You have to help your partner through it, there is no other choice, she is the mother of your child. Keep with her & help her out & it'll all come together.
**** thats the first decent post i have done for a good few months
Honestly its all about the way she feels, make your missus feel good about herself & it will help towards the solution.
**** thats the first decent post i have done for a good few months
Honestly its all about the way she feels, make your missus feel good about herself & it will help towards the solution.
although easier said than done.
22 September 2006, 08:05 AM
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Originally Posted by sti-04!!
Its all about confidence & self esteem. You have to help your partner through it, there is no other choice, she is the mother of your child. Keep with her & help her out & it'll all come together.
22 September 2006, 09:04 AM
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Originally Posted by hectic
two fekkin years of it, fella.. ended up with her getting sorted by the doc.. just as well 'cos i really was at the end of my tether /ready to walk.....
22 September 2006, 09:10 AM
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ok, KoT, my wife suffered from this after the birth of our baby daughter and to be honest all the love, attention, help and support is not going solve this if it really is pnd.
The best thing to do is have your girlt friend talk to a doctor, and this is also the most difficult thing to achieve. Try and talk to her about the way she is and try and approach the subject as tenderly as possible.
The biggest thing for my wife was admitting there was a problem, once she did it was plain sailing. Embarrasement and denial seemed to be the two main hurdles for her to overcome. There were a few incidents (nothing serious) that made her realise this it was more than 'hard times'.
My wife openly talks about her pnd to our friends and family as she knows it is not something that she did wrong or could have helped. It is chemical inbalance that is the main contributer to pnd.
After a short time, couple of months iirc, she was fine and hasn't looked back since.
It relly will be a long hard road if she does not seek the help that she needs, in the mean time take the advice of a few posts above me and do anything and everything to help. It won't solve the issue and you'll still get a hard time, but every day try and think of ways to nudge her towards the doctors.
My wife doesn't use scoobynet, but I'm sure she would be happy to talk to you about it on email if you need some advice from someone who has been there and beat it.
The best thing to do is have your girlt friend talk to a doctor, and this is also the most difficult thing to achieve. Try and talk to her about the way she is and try and approach the subject as tenderly as possible.
The biggest thing for my wife was admitting there was a problem, once she did it was plain sailing. Embarrasement and denial seemed to be the two main hurdles for her to overcome. There were a few incidents (nothing serious) that made her realise this it was more than 'hard times'.
My wife openly talks about her pnd to our friends and family as she knows it is not something that she did wrong or could have helped. It is chemical inbalance that is the main contributer to pnd.
After a short time, couple of months iirc, she was fine and hasn't looked back since.
It relly will be a long hard road if she does not seek the help that she needs, in the mean time take the advice of a few posts above me and do anything and everything to help. It won't solve the issue and you'll still get a hard time, but every day try and think of ways to nudge her towards the doctors.
My wife doesn't use scoobynet, but I'm sure she would be happy to talk to you about it on email if you need some advice from someone who has been there and beat it.
22 September 2006, 10:16 AM
#17
Originally Posted by kingofturds
Did not really want to post this, but basically the gf gave birth to our beautiful son 3 months ago, and for the last 4 weeks she seems to have totally changed personality. Anything from placing a mug not on a mat properly or not feeding the cat on time. will send her into a fit of rage, not only that but you can see the hate in her eyes. There are oyher factors that I do not want to go into right now, but does this sound like pnd Or just the end of our relationship?
22 September 2006, 11:24 AM
#18
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Originally Posted by s70rjw
Been through that with all 3 of our kids. Gets better in the end. Just learn to bite your tongue and let her have things as she wants. Whatever you do will be wrong so why other arguing? Having a 4 week old son makes up for it...
*If* she recognises she has a problem and what it is then that is the first step. To help? Not being tired helps but as you probably know that's not really an option for a while!! Eating properly (healthily and at regular intervals etc) helps as well. Ifit does get really bad then the doc. is the last resort. A few months biting your tongue is more than made up for by the subsequent years ....
Dave
22 September 2006, 04:08 PM
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Yes it sounds very much like PND.
I had it for 18 months or so after my son was born 28 years ago. It leaves scars. Your wife is the only person who can seek help , she needs to acknowledge that there is a problem before she can start turning corners.
This hate thing is a genuine symptom. I wanted my then husband to just leave and go away. I was uncharacteristicly bad tempered most of the time even to the point of throwing things.
Its a horrible time.
BUT she WILL get better. With help from an understanding psychiatrist and maybe some medication she'll gradually return to her old self.
PM me if you want further contact details, I'd be happy to talk to either of you and maybe help her on her way back to normality.
Good luck.
Yve
I had it for 18 months or so after my son was born 28 years ago. It leaves scars. Your wife is the only person who can seek help , she needs to acknowledge that there is a problem before she can start turning corners.
This hate thing is a genuine symptom. I wanted my then husband to just leave and go away. I was uncharacteristicly bad tempered most of the time even to the point of throwing things.
Its a horrible time.
BUT she WILL get better. With help from an understanding psychiatrist and maybe some medication she'll gradually return to her old self.
PM me if you want further contact details, I'd be happy to talk to either of you and maybe help her on her way back to normality.
Good luck.
Yve
22 September 2006, 04:12 PM
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Having a child does change self-worth and esteem. One day you are an independent person who can go anywhere and do anything, next thing you've got this other person to look after 24/7 and whereas before you were an Office Manager or whatever, you're now a mother and effectively a housewife. Social interaction is more limited and when you've had all day to think about petty things, it builds up to a massive crescendo and you're on the receiving end.
Stick with her. Do not walk. That's the worst thing you can do. It's not going to snap her out of it!! It's a mental condition which needs professional help. Get her to a GP asap.
Stick with her. Do not walk. That's the worst thing you can do. It's not going to snap her out of it!! It's a mental condition which needs professional help. Get her to a GP asap.
22 September 2006, 04:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Clarebabes
One day you are an independent person who can go anywhere and do anything, next thing you've got this other person to look after 24/7
Social interaction is more limited and when you've had all day to think about petty things, it builds up to a massive crescendo and you're on the receiving end.
It's a mental condition which needs professional help. Get to a GP asap.
22 September 2006, 09:37 PM
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Hello m8
i feel for you my wife had well still has this she got pnd after having our 3year old.
She never really got rid of it but did not get help she said i am find dont need help.
3 years later when she had our 2nd boy it tip her over the cliff.
We are 7 months on and she has got some tablets of the doc that has leveled her out.
She is not 100% but its helping there is also a place you can go a evening club but i dont think this helps i stopped her going as she felt lower going to them cos the group of people there where all dearest.
I think it really show how much you love some one at times like this as they need you more than ever even if she said she hates you.
She dose not they are just words and she dont mean to say them things.
My wife started to hit me when she got down i just held her till she was OK then told her i love her.
Its impossible to no how she feels m8 no matter how hard you try as we cant have kids.
Just keep telling her you love her take the load off here where you can.
take the kids out give her some time to her self get her flowers any thing that will make her feel good for a second.
What i found work for me was to run her a bath put candles round it put some smileys in the water turn the light out sent her up there and take over the kids and dinner.
You have to talk to the doc as this is something that will not go away over night.
But you have to make it look like her desision.this is not the end of you r relation ship m8 just the start this will make you stronger together it has with up.
she hated me you could tell but when she took the tables 3 weeks into it i got a sorry for what i have done to you.
I said you dont have to say sorry as you where not your self.
but keep up the getting flowers taking the load of her ect as this all helps.
And if she go's off on one dont bite just let her say her bit and for get it dont take it to hart.
my wife got to the point where she was self harming and that when i called the doc but made it as if she did it.
now we are closer and happy she takes the tablets and seems like the wife i met years ago that has not been there for 3years and 7months.
having a baby her hormones are all over the place and they need to settle down
take it easy m8 and dont take it to hart
thanks Sean
i feel for you my wife had well still has this she got pnd after having our 3year old.
She never really got rid of it but did not get help she said i am find dont need help.
3 years later when she had our 2nd boy it tip her over the cliff.
We are 7 months on and she has got some tablets of the doc that has leveled her out.
She is not 100% but its helping there is also a place you can go a evening club but i dont think this helps i stopped her going as she felt lower going to them cos the group of people there where all dearest.
I think it really show how much you love some one at times like this as they need you more than ever even if she said she hates you.
She dose not they are just words and she dont mean to say them things.
My wife started to hit me when she got down i just held her till she was OK then told her i love her.
Its impossible to no how she feels m8 no matter how hard you try as we cant have kids.
Just keep telling her you love her take the load off here where you can.
take the kids out give her some time to her self get her flowers any thing that will make her feel good for a second.
What i found work for me was to run her a bath put candles round it put some smileys in the water turn the light out sent her up there and take over the kids and dinner.
You have to talk to the doc as this is something that will not go away over night.
But you have to make it look like her desision.this is not the end of you r relation ship m8 just the start this will make you stronger together it has with up.
she hated me you could tell but when she took the tables 3 weeks into it i got a sorry for what i have done to you.
I said you dont have to say sorry as you where not your self.
but keep up the getting flowers taking the load of her ect as this all helps.
And if she go's off on one dont bite just let her say her bit and for get it dont take it to hart.
my wife got to the point where she was self harming and that when i called the doc but made it as if she did it.
now we are closer and happy she takes the tablets and seems like the wife i met years ago that has not been there for 3years and 7months.
having a baby her hormones are all over the place and they need to settle down
take it easy m8 and dont take it to hart
thanks Sean
23 September 2006, 10:17 AM
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I understand it exactly when you said she looked at you with hate filled eyes. As many people on the thread have said, its really a problem that needs to be shared as widely as possible without her feeling like shes losing control/ or being side stepped (if you get what I mean). If you can help more, then do so - even if you feel like walking away because of the hurt you cant help but feel. Remember, if shes suffering then shes not acting rationally like before. If she were her normal self, you know it wouldnt be like it is now. I do say that getting help from the GP or consultant service is a must - atleast you can vent some frustration with them, as opposed to a down spiral if you do it with your wife - definite no win situation.
I wish you all the best, and I think its good to take up the advice of contacting some of the folks who've offered help on here. I did this back in April, admittedly with another username, with a situation back in April, and the people on here were a great support. Atleast, its a vent to discuss you feelings you have. Just dont direct the negative ones to her - try remain as calm, positive and supportive as you feel you can. The last you thing you need it go down the spiral as well I mentioned earlier (like I did).
All the best mate - just hang in there!
I wish you all the best, and I think its good to take up the advice of contacting some of the folks who've offered help on here. I did this back in April, admittedly with another username, with a situation back in April, and the people on here were a great support. Atleast, its a vent to discuss you feelings you have. Just dont direct the negative ones to her - try remain as calm, positive and supportive as you feel you can. The last you thing you need it go down the spiral as well I mentioned earlier (like I did).
All the best mate - just hang in there!
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