Black Cat

A LITTLE LEGAL ENTERTAINMENT FOR YOU
These are from a book called 'Disorder in the Court'. These
are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken
down and now published by court reporters - who had the
torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually
taking place. Some of these are excellent - don't miss the
last one.


Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
> > >
> > >
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
> > >
> > >
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> > >
> > >
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that
you've forgotten?
> > >
> > >
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
> > >
> > >
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he
woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
> > >
> > >
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
> > >
> > >
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> > >
> > >
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
> > >
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> > >
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
> > >
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
> > >
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
> > >
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
> > >
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> > >
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
> > >
> > >
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you
go to?
A: Oral.
> > >
> > >
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
an autopsy.
> > >
> > >
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> > >
> > >
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practising law somewhere.
>
> Now I'm off to do some work...

MarkO

Why not just link to the previous thread - or even post a BTTT message?

Mice_Elf

Or post in Muppets where we can all appreciate them.

father_jack

Here's one you might not have heard.

My dog's got no nose, how does it smell ........ wait for it ... wait for it ..............




Awful.

Black Cat

MarkO
I don't post in the muppet forum - because they're all ... all... all.... well... ah...... cleverer than me.... and besides can't the muppets come to this forum?
which brings me to my next point .... I don't know how to do links... and it would take me ages to find the thread anyways... because I'm lasy you see.

BUT WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS - WHERE IS THAT PICTURE OF A SCOOB IN ICE....???? EH COME ON I'VE NOT SEEN IT AND I WANT TO.

P

[Edited by Black Cat - 10/17/2002 11:51:32 AM]

Diablo

MarkO

Not sure if you will agree (tough cookies if you don't ) but I don't see why a joke should necessarily be in muppets.

Comments?

D

scoobynutta555

loved all of them, brilliant!

MarkO

Black Cat/Diablo - erm, I didn't mention the muppet forum at all - that was Mice. So stop persecuting me, or I'll run and complain to Simon. ;p

Mice_Elf

Uh...people - it was me that suggested it be in Muppets...not MarkO...poor bloke - getting blamed for everything.

And as to why...well....I always assumed (yes, I know the meaning of assume that NSR was for "serious" non-scooby related threads and that Muppets was for "fun" threads... No?



Matters not, in any case, because I defect out of the hutch into here occasionally as well.

Diablo

Sorry mate

How long now till you move up here?

D

MarkO

Scotland? Erm, well, we thought it was going to be the end of the month, but it's now looking like we're not going to exchange for 2-3 weeks (despite our solicitor telling us exchange would happen this week or next week).

Black Cat

MarkO - you see - just goes to show you that I'm just not with it sorry to get you confused with Mice - anyway you're much better looking than he is .

Oiy Mice - go tell the muppets there are some cool jokes over here

MarkO

Goes without saying. But I should also point out that Mice is a she.

Mice_Elf

Mice is indeed a "she" - thank you Mark.



Mice <------- still female, after all these years.

Black Cat

you see there you go - who was it that said ' you don't have -babe, miss, chick, doll, angel etc' in your ident - just causes confusion.... retreat to under desk I think. Sorry Mice.

MarkO

I did.

And Mice replied, saying she was one of the few who dont!

Mice_Elf

No worries, Black Cat.

LOL @ Mark.



Mice-babe-chick-miss-doll-angel-etc_Elf.