StevieL81

A few years back in Germany, an ex of mine commented on how intelligent the German kids were, it went along the lines of;

Her "These German kids are really intelligent"
Me "How?"
Her "That wee one is only about 5 and she can speak German already!"
Me

cookstar

iTrader: (6)

I've recently plastered around a window in our main bedroom, took the blind down and chucked it. Had to go out to work in the evening and forgot about the lack of blinds in the bedroom. I told the wife to just tape the dust sheet I was using over the window as a temporary fix.

She phones me with the right hump, saying the sheet is too heavy for the tape and it keeps falling off.

Rings back 30 mins later saying she has managed it, I ask her what she did differently?

"I folded it it half, it made it lighter."

Trippie

iTrader: (1)

I was in Germany in the forces in the 80's
and i remember my daughter saying
don't the German dog's sound the same as ours in England.

SJ_Skyline

A (blonde) friend of mine being shown animals having an overnight stay at the vets was shown a pet rabbit that had it's paw amputated earlier that day.

Her : "Will it grow back?"

CharlySkunkWeed

iTrader: (7)

My bro (a joiner) told an apprentice to let the air out of a compressor to make it lighter to carry it off site. He did it too !

StevieL81

Where abouts where you in Germany? I was in Munster and Munchengladbach 2002-2007.

hodgy0_2

my mother came running into the dining room to tell me that "it is raining outside and your the windurfers on your car are getting wet"

Trippie

iTrader: (1)

1980-1987 gutersloh Royal Artilery.

RobsyUK

iTrader: (2)

This is true. Air is shockingly heavy..

alcazar

iTrader: (2)

When my wife was first a nursery-nurse, she was in an assembly when the headmistress told all the kids that they were going to start collecting silver foil (aluminium foil) for a blind dog.

All the kids went, "Awwwwwwwwwww" 'cos they thought it was a poor dog that was blind.

Paben

iTrader: (5)

If my gran sent clothes through the post she would always remove the buttons and put them in a pocket to save weight. No wonder I ended up a Subaru owner

StevieL81

I had a brain fart earlier when trying to spell 'barbecue' so I asked the missus, she looked at me in disgust and said 'B-B-Q!) haha I don't know who's more silly?

alphaj12

I was in a clothes store with the missus and I noticed there were only escalators and no stairs. I stupidly commented that they hadn't thought it through properly because if the escalators broke down there would be no way to get to the first floor.

She reminds me every time we go into the shop now!!

Leslie

The compressed air would have a heavier weight though!

Les

Fat Boy

When Ian Rush played for Juventus, he was asked what it was like .

His reply- " it's like a foreign country over here..."

Funkii Munkii

Wife - Which button do you press to turn the brakes lights on...........

mattstant

Wife string intently at a lake some 15 miles and several hundred feet above sea level

"look the tide must be in"

ilogikal1

A friend of mine, having turned up late to a meeting, had the excuse that her car had broken down because it had run out of petrol. When asked if she hadn't noticed the fuel gauge showing empty, her reply was; "I though the 'E' stood for 'Enough'".

gpssti4

iTrader: (6)

A bit non PC but 100% true.

Sometime diring the late 1980's in a (regular) night club with friends, there were two overtly gay men getting a bit amorous with each other. My mate, looking away in disgust said "I hate f**king queers". He turned an appropriate shade of pink when I quickly responded with "we'll try f**king women like the rest of us".

Saxo Boy

My mate was once trying to pull a chick and was giving her crap chat as a group of us walked on the beach in the Scottish Highlands. She commented on how cold it was and he said, "it's because we are so high up". The sea was lapping at their feet.

He attributes heading north with going up because there are more hills/mountains around

CharlySkunkWeed

iTrader: (7)

Heard a thing on radio ages ago in and around St Patricks day. Interviewing a woman at a parade in America she said "im part Irish , my family came from County Scotland"