LEUVEN

I've been quite lucky in the past with not having to go through the pain of losing family members as I was very (too) young to fully understand it in the past... untill now.
She went into hospital a few months ago after blacking out and eventually they found the problem with which she had to go and have an operation on that was 50/50.
Preparing for the worst, arrangements were made and tears were shed.

Thankfully she pulled through, got her colour back and has gradually been recovering and able to get out of bed and do a bit of walking allthough not quite ready to go home.
She had her Birthday in the hospital last month with a group of us visiting with cards/presents etc, spirits were high and everything was looking great and as if it would eventually be back to normal.

Then came the dreaded phone call and I just don't know what to do/how to cope.
She was very calm last time as she had accepted her body was giving up, but it seems so hard to take when she is so mentally stable and youthfull.
I don't know why I'm posting this but maybe I'm hoping it helps with other's experiences

Terminator X

iTrader: (7)

Sad news fella although at least you can spend some time with her. My nan died all of a sudden ... it's not til they're gone that you miss em unfortunateley.

TX.

Snazy

Sorry to hear your news mate. Not sure what else to say, apart from enjoy the time together, and cherish the memories.

All the best.

prodriverules

iTrader: (52)

Things like this are never easy at first friend,you'll struggle at first no doubt as you've never been through it before but believe me when i say it will pass and get easier,ive had family and friends die so ive got [unfortunatly]lots of experience so keep your head up and try to keep your mind full of anything but that.
Hope this helps and my regards Ryan

ian_wrx

iTrader: (2)

my grandad passed away on thursday and to be honest i dont think its really sunk in yet as hes been in and out of hos for the last few years it just feels like hes still in there,
any death is never good but just think of all the good times and enjoy the time you have left

kingofturds

iTrader: (1)

I'm sorry to hear of your bad news I lost my Gran after watching her deteriorate for years from alzheimer's and it was terrible. When my Great Aunt was told she only had a few weeks left to live my Dad took her to all the places she loved as a kid, and I had never seen her as happy those last few weeks, maybe you could do the same if your Gran is up to it.

Lisawrx

iTrader: (1)

Not much help, but I don't think there are ever the right words in these times. All I can really say is I'm sorry for your pain and I think it is probably the best thing to make the most of your time left together and treasure the good memories you have.

I'm lucky in that while I've been old enough to really understand that I have only lost one person so far and while I was sad, I think it wasn't as much of a blow because we weren't massively close by then. That said, when I think about it that too makes me sad as I feel I should've had more of a relationship and now I have regret.

It sounds as if you are close to your Nan, and you should treasure that. It won't make it easier (certainly not at first) but a least you can look back on good times.

LEUVEN

Yeah this dawned on me when she first went for the operation, I suppose it never really went away, It's sad yours died so sudden, makes me feel more lucky to get some time with her.

I guess it's some concelation to be able to spend time with her and be able to make more memmories.

It will get easier to take I think as I realise there are lots more people who are more unfortunate than myself (like you) and my mum and Auntie who lost both their parents (my other Grandparents) by the ages of about 19 + 23 IIRC.
I think talking about it and reminiscing occupies the mind, aswell as trying to carry on as normal.
My bro is going to step on the Turbo powered side of impreza ownership for the first time, preferably over the next few days.
Maybe getting that sorted sooner rather than later will help ease the pain.


Sorry to hear this, hope you're coping OK.

Still having her mind intact is what makes it seem so unreal that she can't carry on, but atleast she won't be in any pain no more like my dad just said.
Sounds like a gret idea about doing those things/seeing those places again.
Maybe she can be fit enough to travel to Blackpool in my Scoob for a drive down the front or something.

I think you're right as she has the kind of warm personality that's easy to be close to, plus I think whas going to be so difficult is that she's the centre and the heart of the family and it will never be the same again,
I think thats why it hurts so much as it's going to have such a massive impact on the whole family having brothers sisters and cousins as expected but also four sons too, (My dad and 3 uncles and all of their families)
I think I feel more for everyone else than I do for me.

I always hate myself for not visiting my Grandparents as much as I could and should have, but I always took great warmth in just knowing that they were always there (if that makes sense) so essentially you could say that I've taken them for granted and now I'm paying the price.

Thanks everyone for the kind words, I know you are right and it puts a light at the end of the tunnel for me, especially as it's not over just yet.

I lost around an hour before just staring at the screen watching Dirty Harry, time just dissapeared.

Lisawrx

iTrader: (1)

Don't hate yourself, it will do no good. I think so many people are so busy now they don't make enough time. It's like these people are just there, yes you love them but everyone plays a part in not making enough time. It is pointless feeling guilt for what has gone before, but look to the time left and make the most of that. The clock can't be turned back and there is no point in focusing on what could have been, focus on what can and will be.

And don't feel for everyone else and not yourself. I don't mean don't care how others feel, but you need to feel too. You might not have given the time you wished you had, but that doesn't mean you don't love her and it certainly doesn't mean she doesn't know that. If you can make up for some lost time now.

LEUVEN

I know, and you're right. I suppose I see myself as the tough, thick skinned type when deep down I'm a big soft git at heart.
When I think that "we all have to go one day" then it doesn't feel so bad.
Maybe I'll make up for lost time and have the happiest few weeks with her than I've ever done.
Always look on the bright side of life eh!

Thanks Lisa, it means a lot.

Lisawrx

iTrader: (1)

You sound like me.

Nothing wrong with being soft at heart, it's good to have a caring heart even if you spend most of your time shielding it. Just feel what comes to you and don't think you can't, there is no right or wrong way.

Enjoy the time you have left, and take care, all of you.

Oh, and you are welcome. Sorry I can't really help and I know it might seem like I've babbled on, but I do send my wishes and hope you all get through this as best you can.

Leslie

I am very sorry to hear what you say.

There is little one can say to try to soften the blow, many of us have been through it. The best advice I can say is pretty obvious really, and that is to spend as much time with her as you can and to try to make her as happy as you can.

Les

Scoob99

iTrader: (1)

So sorry to hear this, my nan died when she was only 67 from the dreaded C, I miss her everyday!!!!!!!!!!!
Cheers
Colin

The Zohan

Lost my dad to cancer 13 years ago and not a day goes by where i do not miss or think about him.


LEUVEN - very sorry to hear your news, spend time with her and make her remaing time happy and comforatable, as KoT said take her out if you can and if not talk about the happy memories and experiences.

David Lock

Sorry to read all this.

One thing I learnt when my old mum died a couple of years back is that many of the older generation recognise that their time might/has come and their worry is leaving their family in good shape. When I visited my mum she didn't want to hear trite comments about being around for the queen's telegram and we just had a normal conversation. We didn't talk about death but she knew her time had come, almost wanted it in a way.

As said above there will always be regrets about not doing all the things you wanted to do and I still have a guilty feeling that I could have seen more of her (she was in a home).

So my advice would be to spend time with her, chat about good family times together and, as said, take her out to a few old haunts to reminisce.

All the best. dl

fivetide

iTrader: (1)

Going through this at the moment. Gran has been fighting breast cancer for around year now but the drugs have officially stopped working so now it is just a matter of time.

I honestly can't write much more than that but juust so you know you aren't alone in this one. (as the thread shows)

5t.

Lee247

So, so sorry. Enjoy what time you have left with her. Take care

LEUVEN

Thanks everybody for all the kind words.
I know it's not always easy to reply to these kind of threads having struggled to do so myself in the past.

My thoughts go out to those who have been through or are going through similar situations.

What people have said as actually helped as constantly thinking about the sad things is not doing much good
and remembering the good times were her exact words the day before she was due for her operation.

My biggest worry now is my Grandad as it will get more difficult for him, especially as he will have to live alone.
There'll be time for that in the future though as like everybody has said, spend as much quality time with her as possible will be the priority now.

Jamie

Chin up Leuven memory's last for ever i lost my granddad when i was 11 and nan before i was 17 never really got to know them!