Borat_Drives_A_Scooby

I was on jury service once upon a time and the courtroom was quite full, yet very quiet as we awaited the judge to enter the court. I had the familiar rumblings from down below that one was on its way, i did the usual of tightening my @ss cheeks to try and keep it in but i knew deep down that this was going to be a powerful one and a right stinker to boot.

After a few more mins past i felt further rumblings down below, i had no chance of keeping this one in so i let rip and just hoped for the best that nobody would spot it was me, my tactic was going to be to turn round and look at someone else in disgust as if it was them.

Anyway not only was it a loud un, the thing reeked from high heaven of eggy gass. I tried to blame it on the woman next to me by giving her a stare and shaking my head in disgust but the cat was out of the bag, i had been rumbled.

A few of the barristers looked over in the direction of the jury where i was sat as well as the defendant and a few of the audience in the public gallery, i just carried on shaking my head at the woman next to me who was a bit of a posh sort in her 50`s and she was very well spoken, i just gave her a reassuring whisper in her ear that her secret was safe with me.

She just kept saying you should have gone the toilet before you came in, i said come off it, don`t try that tactic on me, at least do the decent thing and accept responsiblity.

I was in her bad books for the rest of the week, she kept giving me snooty stares at every oppertunity, to be honest i felt like dropping another sneaky one just to p1ss her off for the fun of it.

What fart stories have you got, anything more embarrassing than that ?

yoza

Ive dropped a couple in the dock, but my circumstances were slighty different to yours.

Tam the bam

Michael Barrymore could do nothing to stop his whilst in the dock either...

magepaster

iTrader: (2)

Bloody hell, being in court must be some sort of trigger. I read the thread title and immediately remembered floating the mother of all air biscuits in the dock once only to be told by the judge that I was coming very close to contempt of court. I was so glad I hadn't shat myself at that point

yoza

When I met my wife I would stay late at her house but wouldnt use the loo for a number two, in fact I would make an excuse to go the off-license for crisps or snacks, so I could fart in the car.

I couldnt bring myself to sh1tting/farting in front of her, or in her house for months.

But thats all changed now, she gets the quilt over her head whenever a good rip is let loose.....breath ya biatch !

what would scooby do

Classic dutch oven

yoza

When Michael farts it sounds like someone blowing over the top of a milk bottle, dont ask me how I know.

Tam the bam

At least Michael Barrymore's wouldn't have made much sound... A slight PAH perhaps...

ronjeramy

iTrader: (1)

Not me but a mate on the train to the Cheltenham gold cup, coach full of posh birds with big hats etc, he lets out the loudest and smelliest fart possible, then wafts it over in the direction of said wimmins

GlesgaKiss

Guy I know was in quite a fancy restaurant and thought he'd let one slip out discreetly as he was in pain. Turned out it wasn't discreet, it was loud and he said almost everyone in the place actually noticed and looked at him. Lol!

That has to be one of the worst places to fart.

fatscoobfella1

iTrader: (1)

I dropped a fart in my local,but it was full of mud instead of air....

Had a bucket of pie and mash in my strides.....

Had to miss out a round and go and get some new undercrackers..

Not my proudest day.

Trout

iTrader: (1)

The most embarrassing time was when I didn't fart. Parked my car in the basement at work and got in the lift. IT STANK!! Someone had clearly just farted and got out. I was there on my own, go up one and it stops on the ground floor and the Finance Director gets in the lift, takes on breath and then looks at me with a, 'You smell of ****' look on his face!! We went up another six floors.

Bar-steward!

paulwrxboro

dos it smell of spu*k ?

paulwrxboro

i was picking a book in WH smiths once and thort no ones around as i was squeezing a bad one out a woman poped round the corner and bent down to pick something of the bottom shelf....i gaffed on her head pretty loudley

scunnered

iTrader: (1)

A friend of mine who had (undiagnosed at the time) Crohn's desease, used to produce the foulest stench imaginable. She also had a bit of fun with it. Imagine group of people standing talking amongst themselves in a busy pub. She would slowly move towards them with her back to the group. She's let one go, and wait a few seconds for the foul stench to escape. She'd then walk slowly away and we'd watch the fun while they all blamed each other. I remember one time when she completely cleared a large area in a very crowded nightclub, and I got the blame.

moff1888

We were doing one of our fitness tests and were at the sit ups stage, having been out on the lash the night before I proceeded to fart every time I sat up for around 10-12 ups. Ordinarily not a drama but the bloke holding my feet didn't appreciate it as much.

As a result I started to chuckle a bit and popped out a few more, I'm just glad I didn't shart.

rossyboy

iTrader: (8)

I was with my current partner and hadn't been with her for long. We were in the old "doggy style" manoeuvre and what I thought was going to be silent, wasnt.

Nightmare, couldn't continue as a result of the embarrassment due to said escapee

skoobidude

I was at an ex-girlfriend's for Sunday dinner years ago. The dining chairs were solid wood seats (ie no cushion). I was trying to hold one back for ages and my stomach kept inflating...
Eventually my anus opened and inhaled more air and made a fart noise against the solid seat! Really really embarrassing or what!

Hanley

I once got into a lift at work and stood facing the door as the lift went up, for some reason I thought I was on my own and let rip with a right cracker....it was then I thought to myself...'I'm not alone in this lift am I?'...a woman was stood behind me...when the lift reached my floor I briskly walked away without looking back.

After that day I was always paranoid walking around the building, if a woman looked at me I kept thinking 'was it her?'

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

I did a story ages ago on here, about dropping one at work, would like to find it, can anyone with search powers search for "why do farts attract women" as a thread ?

Edit, found it

https://www.scoobynet.com/non-scooby...act-women.html

Borat_Drives_A_Scooby

Has anyone tested St Paul`s Cathedral out in the whispering gallery ? I`d love to drop a rasper in their and listen to it as it travelled around the dome and to gauge the reaction from other people as its on its way round.

Stephb1986

That was me you smelly ******* next time go outside!

Tam the bam

You fart catcher!

Steve vRS

The speakers chair in the House of Commons. I kid you not! Not embarrassing - more proud

Steve

Stephb1986

I suppose it makes a change from the **** that comes out of their mouths