Rex93

I hope these are worthy?

enjoy


A man calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks 'How many people are flying with you?'

Man replies 'I dont know! Its your f***ing plane!!'

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Bill & Bob are working on a building site. Bill says to Bob 'Im gonna have the day off, Im gonna pretend Im mad!'

He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down & shouts 'I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!' Bob watches in amazement!

The Foreman shouts 'Bill you're mad, go home' So he leaves the site.

Bob starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

'Where the hell are you going?' asks the Foreman.

'I cant work in the friggin dark! ' says Bob.

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Jim the electrician got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!

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chat up lines:

1. Did ya fart? 'Cos ya just blew me away!
2. Are your parents retarded? 'Cos your special!
3. My love for you is like diarrhoea. I just cant hold it in!

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the boyfriend of the woman whos head was found on Arbroath beach was asked to identify her. A detective held up the head to which point the boyfriend said 'I dont think thats her, she wasnt that tall!'

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Bill & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbours dog is barking like mad in the garden. Bill says 'To hell with this!' & storms off.

He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?'

Bill replies 'Ive put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like it!'

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Entrepreneur of the year

Young Jim, moved to Roscommon and bought a Donkey from a farmer for €100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'

Jim replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Jim said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'

The farmer asked, 'What are ya gonna do with him?

Jim said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said, 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'

Jim said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Jim and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'

Jim said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two euro's a piece and made a profit of €898.00.'

The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'

Jim said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two euro's back.'