ANYONE GOT ANY GOOD JOKES FOR A FRIDAY AFTERNOON?
#3
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Scientists have warned that as a result of global warming 75% of the Westwern seaboard of America will be under water by 2020.
On a more serious note Douglas the trombone player from the Lurpak adverts has melted
On a more serious note Douglas the trombone player from the Lurpak adverts has melted
#4
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A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. But see your friend over there? He is also my son. That's confidential."
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. But see your friend over there? He is also my son. That's confidential."
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God visits a man and tells him he must give up smoking, drinking and sex if he wants to get into heaven, the man says he will try.
A week later God visits the man to see how he is doing.
"Not bad" he says
"Ive given up smoking an drinking but when the wife bent over the freezer I had to do her up the backside"
"They dont like that in heaven" god replies
"They werent too happy about it in Asda either" the man replies
A week later God visits the man to see how he is doing.
"Not bad" he says
"Ive given up smoking an drinking but when the wife bent over the freezer I had to do her up the backside"
"They dont like that in heaven" god replies
"They werent too happy about it in Asda either" the man replies
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#8
What's the biggest cause of paedophilia in this country?
Sexy kids.
This is v.funny aswell, the legend Frankie Boyle..
YouTube - Inuit robot butler
Sexy kids.
This is v.funny aswell, the legend Frankie Boyle..
YouTube - Inuit robot butler
Last edited by Dedrater; 17 October 2008 at 07:43 PM.
#10
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A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted all the time. After the diagnosis the doctor asked how often is she having intercourse. "Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday", she says.
The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday.
" I can't", she says. "That's the only time I am home with my husband."
The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday.
" I can't", she says. "That's the only time I am home with my husband."
#12
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italian guy,when i finish makin aluv too my girlafriend i go down and a gently tickle the back of her knees,she a floats 6 inches above da bed in ecstacy.frenchman,zat is nothing when i finish with ze girl i kiss her all ze waydown her body and zen lick ze soles of ze feet,she floats 12 inches above ze bed in ecstasy.irish man, thats nothing when i finish riding me bird i get out of bed and wipe me **** on the curtains and she hits the bleedin roof.
#13
Winter in America
It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."
#14
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2 brothers are paying in there bedroom when one turns to the other and says..i think we should start swearing, were old enough. so the next morning they went down stairs and there mum asked the first boy ..what would you like for breakfast? to which the boy replied...ill have coco pops BITCH!
his mum gave the boy a whack across the head and sent him to his room..
she then turned and asked the other boy what he wanted for breakfast..to which he replied...i dont know,but i dont want coco pops!!
his mum gave the boy a whack across the head and sent him to his room..
she then turned and asked the other boy what he wanted for breakfast..to which he replied...i dont know,but i dont want coco pops!!
#15
a polish man and scotsman are sittin in a pub in Glasgow.the polish guy drinks his beer throws his glass in the air and pulls out a gun shoots it he says in poland our glasses are so cheap we dont need to drink from the same one twice.
the scotsman cool as as cucumber drinks his beer throws his glass ,pulls out a gun and shoots the polish guy he says in Scotland we have so many polish we dont have to drink with the same one twice.
the scotsman cool as as cucumber drinks his beer throws his glass ,pulls out a gun and shoots the polish guy he says in Scotland we have so many polish we dont have to drink with the same one twice.
#18
a guy goes to the pub and says to his friendyou wont believe what happenedi was taking a shortcut along the railway track when i found a girl tied to it so i untied her and we had sex for hours.
thats great replies his friend did u get a *******?
nah i couldnt find her head!!
thats great replies his friend did u get a *******?
nah i couldnt find her head!!
#22
real life:
A friend jon, goes to a massage parlour.
Sees a tasty little filipino and says yes please, she then takes him to a private room.
Jon gets stripped and is lying there with a towel around his midrift.
After a few strokes of her deft hands Jon builds a tent within the towel.
The filipino girl looks and says, you like wonk?
Jon says oh yes please !!!!
The filipino girl then leaves the room.
Jon is lying there thinking God am I looking forward to this, she has obviously gone to get some oils and stuff.
Ten minutes pass and the door opens....
The little filpino enters and says have you finished yet?
A friend jon, goes to a massage parlour.
Sees a tasty little filipino and says yes please, she then takes him to a private room.
Jon gets stripped and is lying there with a towel around his midrift.
After a few strokes of her deft hands Jon builds a tent within the towel.
The filipino girl looks and says, you like wonk?
Jon says oh yes please !!!!
The filipino girl then leaves the room.
Jon is lying there thinking God am I looking forward to this, she has obviously gone to get some oils and stuff.
Ten minutes pass and the door opens....
The little filpino enters and says have you finished yet?
#24
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i was in the cemetery the other day and i saw 4 men carrying a coffin, 3 hours later i saw the same men with the same coffin, i thought to myself they've lost the f***ing plot.............
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