SwissTony

iTrader: (19)

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mum breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: 'Mum why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?'

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.'

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mum good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mum explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mum asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?'

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mum knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'

The Sermon I think this Mum will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon...'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mum, what is butt dust?'

bigsinky

hey dad you dont **** with honey nut loops

what would scooby do

Madeline (Age 3) stop hitting me mum, stop it... mmmmmrrggnffff

Spoon

All very funny but Clinton (5), pure genius in the making.

bigsinky

on finding his pyjamas at the top of the landing, my nephew stated "now who the **** left them there" . correct tense, correct tone, correct timing. he is 5 years old

SwissTony

iTrader: (19)

you must have had a warm glow of pride

Jay m A

iTrader: (2)

Funny!

Ms Gooner 1

My daughter is 4 and recently I was taking her for a bridesmaid fitting. I'd told her she was going to be measured for her pretty dress etc etc - and then she turned to my 3 year old daughter and repreated what I'd said and then added "and we're going to have our feet weighed for lovely shoes too jess" - cracked me right up.

Would be mortified if she said **** though

SwissTony

iTrader: (19)

but I bet you did when you saw the price

Ms Gooner 1

LOL - was my sisters wedding - rather extravagent - so I'm pleased I wasn't paying

Suresh

LMFAO

rallychick

My daughter (was nearly 4 at the time), had a friend round, she was in her bedroom and I was in mine, when I heard her say "for f**k sake" to her friend! I stormed down to her room and asked her what did you say and why did you say it and she said "Tommy knocked my floor mat and ruined it"!

Another time we were in the car and some dick pulled out in front of me! I shouted "DICK"! She then turns to me and says "mummy, where is Dick"?! I said "the car in front"! She was quite happy with that answer!

Suresh

My boy is the same age now and said the same to me a few weeks ago. The fact is he lives in a Dutch-speaking environment, so the source of his outburst is almost certainly his dad! No chance of blaming other kids at the nursery. Oh dear.

P.S. I'm very careful to say " For Pete's sake" now instead and luckily he's picked that up instead. phew.

rallychick

Wish I could blame the other kids too but everyone knows it is me that says that!

I was very proud of myself ONCE as someone annoyed me on the road and I just said "well done"! BIT MY TONGUE!!!!!!

Suresh

Via my backseat echo I've now learned that I call dawdling drivers "idiots". That's an improvement then.

Ms Gooner 1

LOL - the car ones are always the best. My other half has a terrible habbit of calling people w-hankers (LOL) and doing the hand signal to match for stu-pid people on the road. one day i was out driving and my little girl (then 3) was in the front. some tw@t cut me up on the roundabout and I called him something more child friendly - my daughter, to my astonishment was doing a nice hand jesture and calling him a "wonker"



I was quite mortified - although trying not to giggle

jasey

Pal's son was sitting on the bus one day and was whispering something to his Dad.

Dad couldn't hear what he said so he said - "Look I've told you not to whisper - what did you say ?".

His son replied very loudly "That woman's got a big nose"

jasey

One for the older generation.

My little brother was having some bother with his appendix and the doctor was called.

During his investigations he asked my Brother "Have you spent a penny today"

Brother replied "No, I went to the cinema yesterday and I'm skint !"

SwissTony

iTrader: (19)

Class

My two ankle biters now tell me off for saying rude words and I feel suitably chatised if they do. However they have now forced me to develop a whole new language in the car

Ms Gooner 1

It seems my daughter is maybe a bit too savvy for "my own car language" - she often tells me how stupid people are when they pull out in front of us - she's also very good at spotting a scoob and waves LMAO

Guess i have her well trained

SiPie

rallychick

My daughter spots scoobs very well too! I am so proud! Ha ha!!!!

MJW

On the plane on the way back from Nice my extremely gobby 5-year old daughter struck up a conversation with a girl the same age sitting behind her. "So what's your name" she asked her. "Daisy" the other little girl replied. "Did your mum call you Daisy cos you've got flowers on your T-shirt ?" blurted my little one at the top of her voice.

Ms Gooner 1

My daughter gets me into all sorts of trouble LOL - I took her into a butchers once, and whilst I was perusing the display, she was sitting on the parent tray of the pram (my younger daughter was in the seat). Lilly was looking at the woman behind the counter and said to me in a rather loud voice "mummy - that lady has got a bogey on her nose" and cracked up - I looked to the blushing cashier and she had a nose stud! I was so mortified - i tried to explain to Lilly that it wasn't a bogey is was a stud but she clearly wasn't having any of it!

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

I rang home from Aberdeen airport today and got my nine year old, he asked how long the flight was, I said about 45 minutes, he said "Why didnt you go in your car then if it only takes that long" ! Initially I was flattered that he thinks my car cruises at the same speed as an Embraer 145 then I realised what he actually had meant.

I am a bit worried about him, its like that father Ted, where Ted has some little plastic cows and says to Dougal "These cows are small and those ones outside are far away"

He was suitably embarrassed when I pointed out his error.

BOB.T

Edited for accuracy

mickywrx

iTrader: (29)