Need_advice

Myself and my partner have decided to part company due to growing apart after 9 years together. To my knowledge there are no 3rd parties involved and we are both in agreement that it would be best for everyone if we went our separate ways. Things are complicated in that we have a 3 yr old son but aren’t married. She wants to move out of the house and I’m happy to buy her out of the property (mortgage + difference in asset value today) and continue living there as see wants a new start. I do have parent reasonability due to my son being born after it automatically came to force in Dec 03. We are very amicable at this point and have discussed child care arranges on the basis that we share them 50/50, 4 days one week 3 days the next each. Maintenance wise we have agreed because it’s a 50/50 split neither needs to contribute to the other for our baby apart from nursery fees, again 50/50 split. What I obviously want to do is protect myself (handing her 50k cheque for the house!) and my son in case things turn less than amicable further down the road. I’m not envisaging they will but you hear all the horror stories and I couldn’t live without my boy in some capacity as he’s my world.

Neither of us have solicitors or anything, and honestly speaking neither of use are cash rich in as much as most normal couples I imagine we get by with a few coppers in the bank (separate accounts not joint) at the end of the month which usually end up on our son.

Currently living at the our ‘home’ in separate rooms and being as civil as possible for the sake of our lad, I’ve initiated the process of remortgaging the house to another provider and taking her name off in the process which she hasn’t a problem with. She is looking for somewhere to move into.

What am I best doing next?

KiwiGTI

You do not need solicitors, the majority of divorces in this country are settled without them.

davegtt

Agreed I would try to stay away from the solicitor thing although I have just had to use one to take my ex's name of the deeds on the house... Taking her name of the mortgage is one thing but she'll still beon the deeds in which case a solicitor is required. £400 average costings though so its not all bad.

Good luck and I hope you get it resolved as quickly and pain free as possible

Sonic'

He said in the thread title he is unmarried so divorce doesn't even come into it

Need_advice

Thanks for all the advice and support so far, much appreciated.

@ Davegtt - i'd not thought about the deed thing being a problem. I thought moving the mortgage to a new provider in my sole name would have done that anyway?

Still welcome more input, as with most i never imagined being in this situation and heads just a little in bits.

Longjing

You don't need a lawyer at this stage, I'd say... it inevitably makes things more polarised by establishing more defined 'sides'.

But I do think writing down what you've agreed is a good idea... not because it will be an enforceable agreement, but because it would be useful evidence if you ever do end up in an argument over custody. Just a one page list of t he things you've agreed with each other.

Stay out of court if you possibly can, it's a horrible damaging experience most of the time... I'm a lawyer and used to do family work a long time ago. I don't think there's any way to make it a good experience. You can protect your own interests to an extent, but in your shoes now I would be trying to keep everything amicable for the sake of the boy. He needs you both for the next 15 years at least.

CrisPDuk

Write it down, and get both your signatures on the resultant document witnessed by impartial friends.

Good luck, hope it doesn't turn sour.

davegtt

Nope unfortunately it doesnt so it will need to be done which will draw it out a little longer (the length of buying the house from scratch rather than just a remortgage)

I could have had the house remortgaged in my name only in 1 month (would have completed mid January and only completed on the 30th of April... damn solicitors, luckily for me the ex wasnt very demanding in pushing me for the money so I wasnt too fussed)

theboy

If you can, try sort it out without the solicitor. They are only in it for the money.

Longjing

Yeah yeah. You work for coloured beads I suppose?

Getting lawyers involved does seem pointless at this stage, but so does making bitter comments about solicitors. Some good, some bad, LIKE EVERY OTHER PROFESSION

davegtt

^^^^^ Thats one money grabbing leach found on the boards

DrEvil

Worth using google to get some info using the search string "separating unmarried" - loads of stuff pops up.

And to transfer the house into your name a solicitor will be required cos of the deeds - just been through it myself.

davegtt

Becky?

RUDDY

get your name only on the deeds and nothing can go wrong with the house! as for the rest? its surley about you two staying civil and wanting whats best for your son! sounds like youve got that sorted anyway!
good luck mate!
9 years must be a real heartbreaker!

Need_advice

@ Longjing - your posts have helped a great deal, thank you.

@ davegtt - argh, while the time frame isn't welcome news i at least know about it now and can get the ball rolling, thanks again. I'll talk with my current mortgage provider and new one and see when the best time to do this process is.

@ ruddy - yep 9 years (well approaching that in a month or two) is a killer. Despite what the head says the heart wants something very different and it's hurting.

@ DrEvil - To get the ball rolling did you contact your mortgage provider first or go directly to a solicitor?

Cheers for all the replies.

Longjing

Yeah... hard to spot among all the mechanics and car dealers I guess Honesty is their watchword after all!

Sorry for the hijack NA. A very upsetting business.

DrEvil

Eh? if you mean anyone from here, no.


Need_Advice - I spoke to the solicitor first to understand what was involved, and then booked an appointment with my mortgage advisor.

I hope it goes well, not a nice thing to be going through.

davegtt

I posted earlier just gone through the same thing, completed on Monday.... You said youve just gone through it all... I was insinuating you might be my ex.... Doesnt matter - Whhhooooossssshhh

No worries N_A, hope you get it sorted as pain free as possible

DrEvil

Ah I see - sorry - I've not got much of a sense of humour about this stuff, and no, not your otherhalf

Need_advice

Just wanted so say a quick thanks again to all the posters here.

Re-mortgage is going through pending the valuation. Spoken with a number of solicitors regarding the deeds thing, most are around the same figure £250 their fee + copies, telegraphic tranfers, land search, bankruptcy search, registry which all together works out around £420 inc vat.

All very amicable at the moment and putting as much down on paper informally as we go along when making decisions about our son and possessions.

davegtt

good to know its going smoothly.

Good luck for the future