I-Need-Advice

Hi Guys


Its a little long but please read and help me out.

I am a regular on here but have decided to create a new account to post this.

I am married with 4 children and 1 on the way. The eldest is not mine. He was months old when i met my wife and decided to take him on as my own, as his father had nothing to do with him as he was abusive to my wife and actually battered her about.
Anyway, a few months ago his dad gets in touch and asks to see my eldest, and after discussing we decided now would be a good time as he is older enough to understand but not older enough to really rebell.
So this is all fine, as time goes on his dad started coming round to pick him up which was fine, I could grin and bear it. But then all of a sudden things started becoming a bit strange. My wife would say things sticking up for my eldests dad.
For example he was taking him out for the day and my wife piped up to his dad and said take good care of my son. And he replied don't worry I will take care of OUR son You what I thought grabbing a pick axe getting ready to clobber him one. I was fuming and our neighbour was round and could see my annoyance. Anyway once again bit my tongue and let him leave. I said to my wife that was a bit below the belt, saying that in front of me. "No he didn't mean it like that" she said, well what the f&ck did he mean then. "your paranoid" she replies. Right ok then so I'm paranoid. Neighbour pipes up and says "no i think it was a bit out of order" etc etc.. Then she gets in a right old paddy with me and says something that makes me look like a paranoid w&nka and that i'm not there to support her.
Anyway a few other things have occured. But the other day I was messing on her phone trying to find out a message that i had sent her regarding going out, I couldn't remember what I had said, so to cover my back I thought i'll just double check. Scrolling down only to come across a couple of messages to his dad. I thought Ok whats this then. I had a look at one and it just said something along the lines of, Tell him to give me a call later when he has finished. I thought ok thats cool. Went into the other one, and it says something like. When you decide to turn your phone on get him (my eldest) to give me a call. Thats if you decide to turn your phone on LOL ! xxx (her initial)
My heart skipped a beat and I was raging Why the hell is she sending him kisses, the guy who use to beat her what the f*ck. So I thought right this is bang out of order and was gonna confront her but all the kids were around so I thogught I will put her phone down with the message open so she can see I have read it and then wait to see what has happened.
As of yet nothing but I can tell she knows cause she is walking carefully but i just can't be bothered to talk to her.

What would you guys and Gals suggest. HELP !!!!!!!!!!

KiwiGTI

Just try and kep calm. Your pretty much screwed if you do anything, argue or confront her and it will just push her towards him and away from you.

You need to reassess your relationship because I don't believe she is 100% if she is doing that sort of thing.

davegtt

Hard to say really, I can see how annoyed you'd be in your position. It can't be nice finding your partner sending kisses in text message although it seems to be something lots of people do now just out of habit when they text anyone, I even have a couple of mates who leaves the odd X at the end of a txt which I think is quite funny, personally I only do it when texting one specific person as it means something when I do it. So it could just be nothing. Saying that though I can imagine how uncomfortable you'd be with this guy turning up on your doorstep again after all these years. The hardest thing to cope with will be trying not to push the eldest and your wife away from you out of jealousy. Not always that easy though is it.

I-Need-Advice

She never sends kisses in texts normally. She does sometimes to me if she is being all lovey dovey, but that is it. Plus the other text would have had kisses if it doesn't mean anything. I use to be really jealous actually, my wife always got alot of attention when we were first seeing each other and I use to hate it. But now it doesn't bother me really. But after this I just don't know.
The way I am feeling about not being bothered etc is making me wonder if maybe we are just not right for each other anymore. But the thought of being without her scares the **** out of me, but then I think maybe its because of the kids that I'm scared that I won't be there for them all the time.

briforbes

I would try and stay calm at the moment - although I know it can be agonisingly difficult when you start wondering if something is going on.

There will always be a special relationship between the two of them as they have a son together, but as long as you keep an eye on things from afar, she's with you at the end of the day, not him.

Making your suspicions obvious and letting your jealousy show will just make you the bad guy - and more than likely alienate you pushing her away.

Women generally send kisses to everyone - it's what they do. Play the good-guy card, and you'll be fine.

davegtt

I agree, being suspicious of something can be really agonising and it wont get off your mind until its all sorted but if you start going in with all guns blazing all your going to do is push her away. (Wish I could take my own afvice sometimes ) Like forbes says, make it obvious your not happy about the situation but dont get too jealous and mad with her Good luck

I-Need-Advice

The problem is I don't know if I can be bothered. I'm just sitting here in the office thinking it over and thats all I can keep thinking. This guy is the biggest waster going. He is an alcoholic smokes weed all day doesn't have a regular job and now lives with his old man. And to think my wife is sending him kisses I just think sod it go for it love. I support her and the family obviously single handed she has never had to work a days work i do a fair amount around the house. I never mis-treat her and always look after her. I give her attention etc etc. And now this. AAAAHHHHHHHH Bloooodddyy women.
No offence ladies

I-Need-Advice

I won't get mad I very rarely do. I think I have made it obvious I am not happy about it and am waiting for her to approach me and start it rolling. But I will remain calm and focused, I think for me the main concern is the kids

briforbes

For some strange reason, women always seem to be attracted to the dregs of society - nice guys finish last and all that. It would seem there is actually something in the "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" mentality, however stupid it seems.

Although you might think you can't be bothered now, it's usually only after someone is gone that you realise just how much they mean to you, so make sure you definately want rid of her before you do anything.

At the moment, all she's done is send a couple of kisses to an ex. It would make my blood boil too, but I'm sure she remembers how badly he treated her in the past, and her reason for sending them may simply have been down to the mood she was in, especially if she was peeved at you for making an issue of what the plonker said.

I think if you give this a bit of time, it will become clear which way things are going to go.

DCI Gene Hunt

Three more for the Jeremy Kyle show....

You're looking through her phone because you don't TRUST her! end of, and the 'our child' comment.... well he is THEIR child, not hers or yours but theirs... you hate it because she still likes him, and truth be known probably still wants him....

But, at least he's standing up to the plate and showing attention to his son, whereas you seem so insecure you're checking her mobile phone and playing mind games with her.....

The best thing you can do is post some naked pics of her so we can assess her fit factor and provide you with a definitive answer to the possibility of her leaving you (paranoid loon) for him (her childs father and first true love).......

Suresh

If she's attracted to men who treat her badly, then the only thing to do is to reguarly give her a slap, surely?

Good luck!

TelBoy

The Samaritans NEED people like you, DCI

sociopath

Have him offed.

davegtt

lol crack her round the head and tell her the contact with the other bloke should stop? That'll work... NOT. TBH whatever you do she will still end up making her own mind up, whether you make it easy for her or not is a different matter

I-Need-Advice

I know, when i was reading this I thought, yeah thats true its only a few kisses. But, if it was to another guy I don't think i would be as mad, everyone is entitled to a bit of flirting and I won't deny I enjoy a bit of flirting now and again. But to send them to him is what makes me cross. After all he has and hasn't done.
I think that is what makes it worse. To see the state of her back when he had beaten her and now this. AAAAAHHHHHHHH
The other thing is she doesn't seem to remember what he has done (obviously she does) but that was another thing she said. When we were on the subject she said it was all in the past, water under the bridge and that life goes on. Which I thought was fair play to her but.............. I don't know

I think I will continue to be a little distant from her and just concentrate on my kids, for the time being.

I-Need-Advice

Ur a dick and I wasn't checking her phone cause i didn't trust her

I-Need-Advice

Too easy

TelBoy

Do they ever have the opportunity to be alone together? Personally it does sound as if emotions are being re-kindled.

davegtt

Distancing yourself from her isnt a good idea, if she feels rejected she may look else where, guess who will be the first person on the list. Yup, the ex.

kingofturds

iTrader: (1)

As long as she is not mysteriously disappearing to meet a "friend" would not worry too much at the minute. Although seeing her ex may have awoken old feelings and if she is hiding/switching her phone off that is not a good sign, thats the route my cheating ***** of an ex went down

DCI Gene Hunt

Of course you weren't......... you were checking it because.....

You sound like a sad whinging paranoid loser where are the pictures of her

I-Need-Advice

Actually i wasn't checking it because i didn't trust her at all. We are quite open on things like phones and emails etc.

The pics of her are Probably on her ex's phone

KiwiGTI

If the truth is known she probably thinks she can have her cake and eat it too. She has got you looking after her and fancies a bit of sex with the ex, which probably appeals to her as exciting, especially if he was better than you in bed. Never be fooled by women, they are selfish things.

sociopath

Too easy? You've tried the hard way, namely working your **** off to sustain your kids, your missus, her fancy man and their son. Maybe, just maybe, it's time to try the easy way. The sociopath way.

I-Need-Advice

No chance he was always drunk and apparently very rarely interested. But if thats what she wants then fine, I will just remind him that he has just been kissing where my **** has been most nights.
TASTE GOOD ?????

I-Need-Advice

It would be fun as well

DCI Gene Hunt

Seriously dude.....

Do not (and I mean NOT) start to become mardy, grumpy, sulky or negative around her... all you will do is push her away, which in turn makes you worse and pushes her further....

Try to remove your emotions from the situation and NOT react to him (or them) when he pops round, infact become his best friend and take all of his time and attention while he's round your place....

If he see's that his arrival causes you grief he will play on this and make things much worse for you and the missus....

Now chill out and post those pictures you keep promising me.....

I-Need-Advice

Actually we haven't just recently as her old man is staying with us at the moment because he is going through a divorce. Which is why it is even more surprising she is thinking this way because he is in a right old state, Poor git.

DCI Gene Hunt

But his was there first?......

davegtt

Tel was asking if THEY have chance to be alone together.