RandomUser357

A bit of a depressing thread for a Saturday, but here goes :

I'm currently splitting up with my missus. We have a stepdaughter and a 3-year old daughter. We own a house which is in both our names, but I've been paying the mortgage and paying for all the stuff like new central heating, re-wiring, windows, etc.

It looks like I'm going to have to sell the house and find somewhere else to live, and splitting up with the children is really the last thing I want to do but after a nervous breakdown last year and loads of anti-depressive medication, coupled with drink and drugs problems on my part I feel like I don't really have any choice and my brain feels like ****ing mashed potato at the moment following constant arguments with her over the past 6 months.

So I need to assess her claim on the house ; we're not married but have the mortgage in joint names. As I understand it this entitles her to half of the equity but I was not sure whether or not the money I'd spent doing the place up and the fact that I'd been paying the mortgage had any bearing on this. I'd like to try and settle this amicably and without an expensive solicitor.

Does anyone have any advice ? I'd really appreciate it as I'm at a pretty low ebb at the moment.

mart360

unfortunatly at the present time, you cannot sell the house, as there are children involved.

any legal procedings will be on hold untill the welfare of the children is sorted out.

without saying to much, ( i dont know who reads your posts) stay where you are, dont move out,

seek legal advice monday morning.

in short, the house is the asset, depending on your circumstances, you may or may not have some financial retuernm from it, but your children will come first in the order of things, and a roof over there heads will take priority over anything you and your partner want to do.


btw


been there done that and got the freedom cert to boot


Mart

pauly

iTrader: (1)

went through a similar situation myself about 6 years ago without the kids part.
she's gonna get half mate, at least.
and the money spent by yourself means nothing in my experience..
sorry mate but thats what happened to me.
edit:
^^^^^
as above says the kids probably change things but i wouldn't know as there were none in my case





i'll be the 1st to say
you'll feel better by posting nekkid pikkies of her on the appropriate thread in the gallery section
honest

Gutmann pug

I assume your using a made up name, no shame in that.

I cant offer any advice other than things will get better over time. Just hang in their and stay off the beer and the snort.

The only thing I will say is try your damndest to keep it amicable. It makes a massive difference.

Gary

R1916v

When my dad split up with his second wife she made a claim for the house etc, they'd been married for 5 or so years, dad had paid for everything, she got 4k and nothing else.

RandomUser357

The children would be my first concern, whatever. I have brought up my stepdaughter since she was 2 years old and now she's 14. Although she will never love me as much as her father (despite him being a total dick, only seeing her once every so often when it suits him, and paying **** all maintenenace) I feel as though I have been a father to her for the past 12 years, even though now she's a teenager and things have been difficult. My bio daughter is now 3 years old and I don't think I could bear to be without her at all. The fact that I will possibly turn into the complete antithesis of what I intended to be, and become a ****ing part-time father really really cuts me to the bone.
I'm not even sure why I'm posting this here as I guess I should be mailing the Samaritans or something like last time things went pear-shaped but hearing from other people who have been through or are currently going through a similar situation is very helpful.

Spoon

A good solicitor will no doubt start at at least a 60/40 split in her favour if children are involved.

Keep your chin up, it will get better.

Good luck.

banny sti

iTrader: (68)

It has already been mentioned but i will repeat, keep things cordial mate. Hell hath no fury....... you know the rest. The second person to screw you will be the solicitor so keep them at arms length in all cases. Above all keep talking to friends dont bottle things up, keep posting on here and you will get help and advice when needed. Consider this as a family so always keep posting.

Regards Maz.

The Rani

In my case I got the house, my ex got £11 1/2k, but there were no children involved - all grown up and fled the nest. Of the only couples I knew in this situation, one got the house while her ex literally got nothing (in fact he was made homeless), and as far as the other couple was concerned, he got the house, she was rehoused by the local council. Both couples had three kids.

Clarebabes

How awful. How could any court allow this? Did his wife have a **** hot solicitor or what?

The Rani

Judge told him perhaps one of his friends would kindly put him up while he looked for more permanent accommodation. Mind you, he was so convinced he was going to get the house and the three kids .....

Chrisgr31

I take it that you really are at the end of the road and a trip to Relate or similar wouldn;t help?

watto52

sorry to hear bout your "situation"
im currently going through a divorce at the mo.
the wife and i split up a year ago due to her "wanting to live a bit", i wont lie to to you, but it was one of the hardest things i had to go trough in life. To try and make things a bit easier for myself, i decided to make a fresh start, moved to cumbria from nottingham. I cant bear to think of her with another man. Any hows when we split everything went 50/50 its easier, clean break.
the onl;y thing i cant understand is, the fact i have to pay half towards the divorce, when it was her who left me? Any how all the best

Billbill

I don't suppose there is a possibility of her falling off a cruise liner.....?

Charlie WRXSTI

I spilt from my hubby 4 years ago and we had no kids.

Our home was in his name because I was blacklisted at the time and could not get a mortgage, for various very boring reasons.

He paid the mortgage and I paid all the other bills which worked out an exact 50/50 share.

When he had a nervous breakdown I paid the mortgage and the bills for nearly a year.

When I could take no more and left him and filed for divorce, the fact that I had been paying for everyhting for the last year meant diddly squat and I came out with enough money to buy a new scoob and some very jewellery.

It also cost me £5000 in solicitor fees........

Think of the kids and try to come to an amicable arrangement, they are the important and precious things that are not replacable!!!

Good luck

RandomUser357

I really don't know. I don't really want to end the relationship but I feel like I've been backed into a corner and forced to make the decision. We were supposed to be gettings married, but I never really felt comfortable with this, and I don't really know why, since we've been together so long and raised children, etc. When we have arguments I just switch off and let her get on with it, dragging up all my past transgressions, I am so tired of arguing the same points over and over, I tend to just clam up and would rather just get off my head or completely immerse myself in something else just to blot it out. It seems like all the good things I do are totally eclipsed by a few instances of random thoughtlessness. My g/f recently had the contraceptive implant fitted and I kinda foolishly assumed that she was being more hostile due to the changes in her hormone levels, but she always counters with my ****ing stupid botched suicide attempt and the fact I'm on anti-depressants and she even told me to do it properly next time though I think she just said this to hurt me I don't know. I went to see a counsellor after my breakdown but I always got the impression I was just telling him the things he wanted to hear, and he gave me a reasonable clear bill of health but told me my g/f was adept at emotional blackmail but I can't tell if this is real or just as a result of my (biased) side of the story. Sorry if this is a load of rambling crap but typing it is a ****load easier than anything else right now

watto52

dont be sorry mate, if you need advice that what forums are for.

SCOsazOBY

You have to sort yourself out, dont worry about what other people think, prove them all wrong and start changing your life for the better.

Dont worry about things, pick yourself up, look in the mirror and start thinking ahead and the rest of your troubles will fall into place and sort themselves out

redwrx

I dont envy you ..... i've been thru it.

Firstly i wouldnt give up on the house. If you've put so much into it, dont move out.

Being amicable is by far the best option ....... courts/ and solicitors will go for the throat, and fee's.

As it stands mate, the law will protect her ..... my ex left me, yet i got stung!!, i got left with 'all' the debts. She's now debt free, and ive got another 5 years to pay it off.

I kept the house even tho it was in joint names, but i cant afford to live in it because of the debts, so i rent it out...... i told my solicitor that if i lost the house, then i would sue her for half the debt, or go bankrupt....and then there's no maintenance or **** all.

You have to decide what you want, if it does turn pear shaped..... i hope you can resolve your issues because i would wish a split on my worst enemy....well, maybe some.

Good luck....

2000TLondon

you don't need an expensive solicitor mate, most if not all solicitors will give you an hour or two free counsel. Use this time to establish your rights and where you stand. Then decide whether or not to retain their services.

In the end, unless you are happy to go 50 / 50 or you can both work out exactly who spent what and be completely fair and honest, it will probably come down to solicitors on both sides unfortunately.

Know your rights, it will help you take care of yourself.

And remember, things always get better, no matter how unlikely that seems. You've had, and are still having a rough run of it, and don't mean to sound fickle, but things will improve!

Take as much advice and help as you can. And don't be afraid to go back to the doctor and ask for a different counsellor. And again, without being fickle, there is always a way out and never let anyone make you feel that you don't have options! You do!