Dazzler

Yep, I know I'm far to old to be playing conkers at 35, but we're having a show down in our team this lunchtime.

Any tips on good conkering? Can you remember that far back?

I haven't cheated in any way with the prep of my current conkers, but if I were to be unscrupulous, anyone got any tried and tested methods?

We're playing full stampsies rules by the way

Cheers

OllyK

Thought conkers was banned last year, due to H&S and nut allergy fears?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/cumbria/3712764.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/3722810.stm

ajm

Dry them out on a radiator so the centres shrivel and leave a gap under the shell.... then inject a high quality epoxy resin into the gap and allow to cure!

Jay m A

iTrader: (2)

On brainiac the other week, hand cream, yes hand cream rubbed into the sheel gave the best performing newbie. In stringent tests it came out on top, but couldn't quite beat a 98er

davegtt

Nail Varnish
Soak in Vinegar then IIRC pop it in the oven or microwave. Not sure on this part thou.
Check the rules and see if Bangladesh conkers are allowed, theyre the daddies
will think of a few more before the days out

Reality

Don't go crying to your mummy if you lose

Cheating at Conkers is a definate .

Get a good Conker and make sure you seek out weaknesses in your oponents Conker - Oh - and don't play if he's ajm .

Once you've done conkers it will soon be that time of year when you can do dunking for apples in the office - it's a real laugh - but don't let HR or H&S get involved - they don't like mixing water, apples and office workers .

Dazzler

Cool, thanks for some of the tips chaps. I'm going to have my first round using a legit conker. I've just got a feeling mine's going to get wiped out as it doesn't seem up to much compared to the opposition.

Put it this way, one of the opponents strung up one of his conkers and smacked it at least 10 times against a concrete pillar in the office before it even cracked

I think I'm fooked!!

Reality - looking forward to the apple bobbing already.

Dracoro

Failsafe way to win at conkers

1) Go to local beach
2) Find suitably sized and shaped pebble
3) Drill hole through pebble
4) Paint the pebble many times (using paint that doesn't crack!) and laquer etc. until it looks like a conker
5) Attach decent strong string.
6) Beat everyone.

fast bloke

Get a very fine saw and cut it in half - take out the centre and fill it with gripfill - put the string in and join the two halves back together - sand down the shell and give it a few coats of varnish - The join is invisible and the conker will conquer all. (This will even survive stampsies with a lump hammer - the shell cracks, but it sticks to the gripfill and doesn't come off)

Wonder what would happen if I met Dracoro in a conker match


OH Yeah - cheating is a must

Reality

Thatcher Child

fast bloke

not my fault

Dazzler

I want something that could tear down buildings!

Fast bloke - sounds like a plan

Dracoro - If I could drill through pebbles that'd be a winner too!

brihoppy

there are conkers around me now that seem massive compared to when i was a kid...arent things supposed to seem smaller when you get older...? (oo er!!!)

fast bloke

I heard that was just caused by failing eyesight

Dazzler

I lost in my first bout in a cruel way!!!

We went at lunchtime to the back of Sainsbury's carpark for some privacy and so we didn't run the risk of humiliating ourselves too much.

I had my opponent against the ropes, his conker was split, cracked, hanging on for dear life. Mine didn't even have a blemish.

So I went in for the kill, the next big blow was going to destroy his. Unfortunately, my string snapped, the conker flew behind me, hit the metal bin and bounced back towards me and my opponent. I looked down in disbelief at what had happened and was suprised to see it fully intact still without any damage!!

Then in comes my opponent's size 11 boot and stampsies it!!!!

Gutted!!! But we had agreed that stampsies were allowed.

Lessons learnt :

1) School boy error to use string!
2) Make sure you pick your fallen conker up ASAP before stampsies can be applied

Anyway, better get on being a grown up again

davegtt

lol string is for losers, I used to use boot laces

fast bloke

Are you not allowed punchies with the stampsies rule? If you punch him on the teeth before he stampsies your conker you get a free turn? (Or did I just grow up in a rougher than average estate? )

Dazzler

That would have ended up with at least a broken fist, and a busted conker - He's a lot bigger than me!!!

Think my dad's tougher than his though.

Shoe laces woven with high tensile steal for me next time. Plus every cheating technique under the sun!! These boys are going down.

Dracoro

Stamping on conker diguised pebbles hurts