StickyMicky

i vote for complete spazz


bloke comes onto the carwash site
parks up, wonders over to the office

greets me
explains this:

SPAZZ "when i goto the morrisons car wash"

ME "ok"

SPAZZ "it leaves black stuff on the back of my car"

ME "right"

SPAZZ "its a diesel you see"

ME "ok"

SPAZZ "i just want to know, what im supposed to do, to stop it happening"

ME "mate i dont have any experiance of morrisons wash?"

one of my lads said "give me a look at the car"

goes outside while i sit there looking a bit dumbfounded

lad explains that if he goes through our wash we will make sure the marks are gone with the use of soap and brush by hand

SPAZZ "no im going home and im going to clean it myself"

does this bloke walk into burger king and ask them how to make a mcdonalds poundsaver burger nicer to eat
rang my mate before and told him what happend and he refuses to belive me

sarasquares

iTrader: (1)

dunno

mart360

JUly 4th micky!!!


all the village idiots are out in force, unfortunatly where you work they have 2 village idiots

M

Scooby Soon!

Working in a shop we get these people all the time example:

Spaz: Does this come in yellow?

Me: Yes

Spaz: what about green?

Me: Yes

Spaz: What about purple

Me: Yes

Spaz: how about orange?

Me: Yep

Spaz: What about purple with orange and pink spots?

Me: Yep

Spaz: What about blue

Me: No sorry they dont make it in blue

Spaz: Oh if only you would of had it in blue I would of bought it! Thanks very much bye (spaz exits shop and probably goes straight next door and does the same thing)

heres another one:

Spaz: would this be suitable for putting in the garden

Me: Yes, it will

Spaz:Well its no use to me I will have to leave it, I wanted it for in the house.

Me: you can use it inside your house, its ideal

Spaz: no its no good, bye.

I think its some peoples mindset they want you to give them a reason not to have to spend there money, drives me mad sometimes but I have got used to it over the years.

edited because made a mistake in colours!

Chip Sengravy

But you had already told him it is available in green. Or are we talikng major spaz?

Franx

We get that at work as well:

people phoning up for towbar quotes -

'do you fit towbars?'

'yes'

'how much are they'

'depends what car you have'

-- long pause --

'so erm... what car do you have?'

'it's a ford'

'ah right, so what model is that?'

'er....' -- shouts to husband/wife/fellow chav --

'what car do we have?'

-- gets reply --

'what year is the car then?'

'oh, it's an L-reg.....or is it a P?.....I'll go and have a look...'

-- shouts again to chav friend & comes back 5 mins later --

'it's an L-reg'

'which is a '92'

'how much is that then?'

'single or double electrics?'

'you what?'

-- runs through it all... --

'That'll be £** fitted'

'that much?' 'I'll get back to you'....

-- puts phone down -- Like **** you will....

Bloody n*b heads

Jap2Scrap

I think we all get this type of person to be honest. I work in Rapid Prototyping mostly using a PA nylon material and had a call the other day that went something like this...

Caller: What temperature will a model stand?
Me: Well it's stable until about 70 degrees C then it could start to deflect under load. To be on the safe side I'd say over 85/90 degrees it will start to deform under it's own weight but it all depends on the geometry of the piece.
Caller: Ah, I see. So would it be ok at 140 degrees?
Me (a bit taken aback): Well, not really. Up to about 70 is fine but over that and you're taking chances. The machine can turn the powder fully molten at around 150 degrees.
Caller: Is it water resistant?
Me: No, it's hygroscopic and will soak up liquid like a sponge because of the way the laser fuses the nylon powder together.
Caller: Ok thanks..
Me: No problem, sorry we can't help.
Caller: Look, I want to use it in a boiler application. It'll need to survive in an atmosphere of super-heated water at 140 degrees C.

I can't even remember what I said to that!

StickyMicky

yes but none of the examples above have your collection of "SPAZZ`s" asking you how to make a competitors products better LOL

farmer1

Had a classic the other day.

Spaz "I bought an outboard engine (Engines are supplied with full manual) of you a couple of weeks back and was told to run it at 50:1 what does that mean?"

Me "You mix the petrol with the oil 50 parts to 1"

Spaz "So how much is that"

Me "Well it depends on how much petrol you put in"

Spaz "Ohh, well havent you got an idea"

Me "Well if you buy a litre of petrol, you need to put 20ml of oil in"

Spaz "What type of oil do I need"

Me "Marine 2-stroke"

Spaz "Can I get that at Halfords,"

Me "can't say I have seen it there"

Spaz "Where can I get it"

Me "Most chandlers, marine suppliers or via post from us"

Spaz "Will motorbike Oil be ok"

Me "No, because it may not be 2stroke, may be a different grade and does not have marine inhibitors"

Spaz "What about if I just use it once"

Me "No because you engine good seize pretty damn quickly if its the wrong stuff"

and so the conversation continued...


It amazes me how customers suddenly expect you to know everything about every make of product you sell, you have selled, you may sell and where you can get it. Ohh and how much it is likely to be at the other shop you just recommened they might try. GRhhh

Franx

I think we work in the same field - I've had that conversation a few times as well

What one bloke finished that towbar conversation with, was....

' do you know anywhere else that'll do it cheaper?'

me: 'erm, no...' Like I'm going to bloody tell him if I did

Scooby Soon!

Ok,

What about this one?

Spaz: Do you sell "XYZ"

Me: Yes

Spaz: How much is it?

Me: £20

Spaz: Hmm, well its not actually for me its for a friend so I will have to "tell her" thanks bye.

(Spaz never to be seen again)

I must here this line 10 times a day! Why dont people say its to expensive for me? why do they have to make up stupid excuses?

another similar one is:

Spaz: Its a lot more than she wanted to pay.

Me: Sorry, whos she? your the only person in the shop

Spaz: well im getting it for a friend and I know she wont pay that price.


Your not immune from them on the internet either, I run a few online shops aswell as ebay

e.g.

4pm friday afternoon I get a phone call

Spaz: I need this item asap, can you get it to me by tomorrow

Me: Yes we can get it to you but theres is a surcharge for saturday delivery, I will have to personally drop it to our courier depot as our pick up has already gone but as its urgent I dont mind, surcharge will be £15.00 on top of normally delivery.

Spaz: fffffffff (sucking in of lots of air in to there lungs) bit more than i wanted to pay
but I will begrudgingly have to pay it (plus lots of moaning about the price and postage being expensive)

Me: (take order, card details etc) whats your address?

Spaz: blah blah blah, Shetland islands

Me: isnt that about a million miles away?, not to far from the north pole? We cant get a delivery there in less than 12 hours on a saturday its impossible

Spaz: your the third company I have tried, you are all useless (followed by slamming the phone down!

Midlife......

iTrader: (2)

I used to work in a bike shop and people came in for broken wheel spokes....one day this guy came in for a new spoke and I said I need to know the length (this was 1977 and they came in lengths down to an 8th of an inch)

I watched the guy walk down to his bike and hold his fingers apart to touch the length of the spokes for the measurement and then walk back to the shop (about 50 yards) trying to keep his fingers the same length apart ..... obviously he couldn't keep his fingers still enough within the required 8th of an inch accuracy. I'll give him his due he had about a half an hour of trying untill he came back saying he couldn't do it !!

I decided then and there I was never going to into retail !!!!

Jamz3k

i'm in retail myself and i find some of the stuff hilarious that customers come off with some of it is complete non-sense but most of it makes u wonder how they earn a living!

Jamz3k

just as a for instance a old man comes into our shop once or twice a week every week and talks complete turd to us and hardly ever buys anything! asks us all about a plasma and decides thats the one he wanted! so what does she do? goes down to our competitors and buys it at a MORE expensive price that we're sellin it at because aparently the ones that we sell arent brand new!(according to our competitors) some people deserve to have their money taken off them!

farmer1

I forgot one of our regular classic customers, hope he doesn't come on here.

He comes in everyday I work there around 10-12 times, usually with a problem which would be a 2 minute job for everyone else to fix but for him it is the end of the world.

Anyway this one weekend he came in on the saturday morning for four screws, came back an hour later and asked if he could change them came to the desk and spent about ten minutes trying to explain the difference in price length bladdy blahh in the end I just charged him 8p for the difference to get rid of him.

Then he came back again an hour later to change them when I told him he could just swap them over and not to worry about the difference (FFS we are talking 10p here and the money I could take in the time spent dealing with him we might aswell let him have them for free)

Then he came back an hour later for more screws

The next day he was back again, wrong screws

Now he has been back a total of about 8-12 times in two days for about 16 screws which he has paid about 60p for. Que my collegue

"<Insert customers name> Are you trying to rob this place piece by piece"

Bigfgest mistake of his life, as we had to explain for half an hour that it was a joke, and that somebody before had stolen an entire car from a car fractory piece by piece.

Scooby Soon!

I am so glad its not just me that experiances these nutters!

scoobynutta555

Pedant mode: 92 reg plate will not be L reg