Joescoobs74

Here are my three favourite accidents (in reverse order) which happened to either family or friends. The names have been changed to protect the guilty!

3. Age - 17 Car - Vauxhall VX/4/90. At the back of Mr X's parents house is a long stretch of tarmac (think of it as a nicely tarmaced alleyway), he proceeded to back the car up towards one end of the runway, accelerate and then brake hard and yank up the handbrake to prevent himself from crashing into the brick wall at the other end. On this particular day it had been raining, which caused the car to completely lose traction (no ABS antiskid here!) and career into a car neatly parked on the grass verge. Outcome 2 cars written off!

2. Age - 24 Car - Ford XR2 On his way to work Mr X decided to approach the blind hump of a hill at high speed, he then proceeded to annihilate a car that was waiting to turn right on the other side of the brow of the hill (witnesses swore they heard the theme tune to the "Dukes of Hazard" whilst he was in mid-air). Outcome 2 more cars written off!


1. Age - 28 Car - Peugeot 205 GTI Travelling down the A10 Mr X decided to laugh (literally p!ss himself silly) at a Porsche drivers misfortune of having broken down in a layby. He proceeded to stare at the poor (b@stard) soul as he zoomed past in a car worth 1/100th of the Porsche's purchase value. What Mr X had forgotten about as he continued to take the Michael, was that he was travelling on a public highway with other fellow licence payers. Result, he shunted into a car in front of him who had decided to dab his brakes at a most inappropriate time, causing the once glum Porsche driver no end of hilarity. Outcome 1 car written - off, another with a severe lack of boot space.


Anyone else got any other comical crashes?

Jap2Scrap

Me, 18, 1988... Waiting at a huuuuuuuge roundabout in my Mk1 Capri, stuck behind an old guy in a Fiat Panda, both in the lane to go straight across. Nothing else in sight except a funeral procession entering the roundabout from the opposite side at an appropriate 10mph, indicators showing they intended coming round the roundabout and across our path. The old guy takes off and after gauging the safety margin I decide there's plenty of time to go without having to leave rubber on the road and generally driving like a tit in front of such a venerable procession. Off I go, still checking that I'm not going to cut them up, make them slow down or generally be a nuisance.

Unfortunately, 5 feet onto the roundabout the old guy in the Panda must have had a change of heart because suddenly I was pushing 800 kilos of tinfoil with my ton of pig iron!

Picture the scene.. Now we are blocking the hearse and its entourage from continuing on its way and what's worse the two offenders are inextricably linked together. I'd ridden my chrome bumper up and over his towbar. The sight of two sombrely dressed undertakers trying not to **** themselves whilst bouncing up and down on the bumper of a Fiat Panda as I slowly backed away will haunt me forever.

For the record there was no physical damage to either car and I'm sure the guy 'in the hearse' didn't mind being late for his own funeral.

Joescoobs74

Picture the scene.. Now we are blocking the hearse and its entourage from continuing on its way and what's worse the two offenders are inextricably linked together. I'd ridden my chrome bumper up and over his towbar. The sight of two sombrely dressed undertakers trying not to **** themselves whilst bouncing up and down on the bumper of a Fiat Panda as I slowly backed away will haunt me forever.



Reminds me of that scene in Only Fools and Horses

Paulo P

iTrader: (42)

That's going to take some beating

Can't think of any funny ones myself at the moment but plenty of funny near misses in mates cars

Joescoobs74

Spill the beans then

Lum

Me, within my first 6 months of driving, Car: D reg Escort 1.3 ****box

I parks up outside Richer Sounds in Liverpool to collect an amplifier I'd ordered and left the lights on, got back, flat battery.

I didn't really want to hang around with this kit on the back so decided that if I could just make a right turn at the crossroads ahead I would get onto Duke Street which is a down hill, then I can jump in and bump start the car, yay, great plan!

Not much traffic about so I pushed it across the straight ahead lane and into the right turn lane, waited for the traffic lights to change green, pushed it around the corner...

...at which point I realise the hill is steeper than in my planned version, I dive in through the drivers door to get the handbrake as the car is now mostly on the path, grab the handbrake and pull just as the drivers door hits an enormous concrete lamppost and wedges me in, it didn't crush my hips (just a slight graze) but it wedged me in place, a moment later my ear hit the steering wheel and splatted a few spots of blood on my carpet...

...so here I am, having been afraid of being vulnerable parked up with no battery, now wedged in a car door unable to get out with the amplifier still on the back seat being nickable.

Eventually a passer by saw my legs sticking out and tried to push the car up the hill a bit, at which point I released the handbrake and hoped they were strong enough, they were and I got up, passerby had vanished. I had to ring the RAC.

First vehicle that turns up was my current boss at the time who thought it was funny as **** and drove off.

Next vehicle was a transit van with 14 policemen in it that just happened to be passing, they wanted to know what happened and pissed themselves laughing when I told them and drove off.

Then an unmarked plod car with two people in it (it's always a man and a woman isn't it, trying to look like a family or something), PC goes to examine the car and the WPC tries to do me for criminal damage to a lamppost. I challenge her to find any damage to that lamp post, but it's not even scratched (yay crappy ford doors) and she goes all sulky tells me I cannot drive that car in it's current condition (no really, that's why I said the RAC were coming) and I must go to hospital straight away (whatever, I'll get the car and the amp home first, thanks) and never try to bump start a car on your own again (no, really!)

Result: one blue door on a black escort and my ear isn't quite it's original shape. The amp blew up one day after the warranty expired.

New To Scoob

Done a very similar thing myself

Another one, 21/22 in a 205 went into a bend not too fast but something gave on the rear beam, car went one way sideways but I caught it then realised I was on the other side of the road with a car coming so threw the car the other way at which point it decided to spin 180 and ride backwards up a wall, mate in the back decided the footwell was the best place to hide when he saw the sparks flying past the window I remember seeing the wall being highlighted by the headlights, then we gracefully slid another 90 and parked the nose of the 205 between two bollards without touching either of them.

CooperS

Once saw a taxi go through some red lights and plough into a guy in an old rolls royce (with the top down) who then ran into and up/over some railings, you could see him inside clearly bouncing around on his journey, so funny when he got out and walked over to the taxi driver gesticulating at him, he was about 7 foot tall and built like a brick ****house, the taxi driver wouldn't get out of his car, had it not been for the 2 panda cars which were in the queue behind the rolls I don't think the taxi driver would be here today hahahaa

Kieran_Burns

iTrader: (1)

one time - YEARS ago I was behind a guy clearly in a hurry - he kept pulling away on the straights going as fast as his car would let him (brand spanking new Escort) but he kept getting caught behind slower moving traffic, or at junctions, or villages... always something that had me pootling along catch up with him.

Anyway, we get out of a village and are going out into the country and he blasts off down the road, and I say to myself... "I wonder if he knows about that REALLY REALLY sharp bend up ahead?"

There was this fooking HUGE cloud of dust up ahead.

Guess not.

So I drive up to the bend and lo and behold his car is now embedded in the remains of the massive hedge that sits next to the road... alot of it was severely flattened by his car as it went crashing along...

The thing is... he's slumped over the steering wheel.

Not moving. At all.

Oh crap. Crapcrapcrapcrap... now I know 1st Aid (held FAW for 9 years at that point) so I'm all fired up now - park up, leap out of my car.. run back to his... he's still not moving... slumped over the steering wheel still...

I wrench open the drivers door and am just about to shake him gently, when he looks up at me, fixes me with a baleful stare and says "Well, these bleeding airbags don't work."

Made a HELL of a mess of his car... he got upset when I climbed over the bonnet to see what damage was done to the near-side... he shut up when I said that was the least of his worries.

fast bloke

One that had me in tears - was driving home from Dublin when some chav (OK - it was 1995 - he was a spide then) decided to tailgate me from Dundalk to Newry in a Nova with normal lights, fog lights and 6 spots all turned on. I was in no hurry, so dropped to about 15 MPH so said chav/spide could get past. He got past and proceeded to tailgate the Sierra in front of me. About 5 miles up the road I watched the chain of brake lights start from about 40 cars in front - unfortunately chav/spide man couldn't see these from his vantage point inside the Ford exhaust. Several seconds later - WHACK - Nova doing 50 hits Sierra which has virtually stopped. Unlucky Sierra driver veers left, hits the grass and flips onto roof. I stop - hazard lights, jump out and run to the rescue of the 4 policemen in the unmarked Sierra with the camera still running on the parcel shelf. Aforementioned Nova driver ended up getting 28 days at her majesty's pleasure and 3 year ban. (4 policemen were uninjured, but probably got early retirement on full pay anyway)

fast bloke

and then there was my mate in his fathers Renault 25..... There is a road outside Larne called Brustin Brae - one section is fashioned exactly like a ski jump, 400 yards downhill, jump, another 150 yards downhill and then levels out before a hump back bridge. When you hit the top of the hill you can see the road for about 3 miles in front of you, so you know it is clear for a full on launch. I once got a (maybe 1980?) 950 Fiesta Poplar up to 110 before chickening out and braking before the jump. ANyway - mate is out in fathers car showing off to the girlies - I was following in a Mini with a 1600 rover engine. Mate gets to the top of the hill and gives it the full monty. I swear he flew at least 200 feet before he touched down in a big way. The car broke just between the windscreen and the bonnet - The front went over a hedge and the passenger compartment went straight on down the road, sliding on the floor pan, hit the hump back bridge, took off again, landed tail down removing both back wheels and the back window and then came to a halt. Astonishingly the worst injury was that the guy sitting behind the driver face butted him and left his two front teeth embedded in the drivers skull

Jerome

A mate of mine reversed over a small, short pole at the edge of a golf course car park. Once he realised what he'd done, he drove forward. The car suddendly lurched and seemed rather unwilling to proceed. On inspection, it became apparent the pole had pierced the boot floor and was almost upright again. It took ages to get him un-impaled, mostly due to all of us pissing ourselves laughing.

R 14NS R

oh how my friends laughed, while waiting behind a rather large lady on her rather small moped at a t junction, nothing coming either way, she starts to go left, i check the traffic coming from the right too, going left aswell, she pulls out so her whole bike is over the give way line, then stops for no reason, and i go into the back of her, and she finds herself sitting on my bonnet, (of my first car, a metro city), then on the road, and still nothing coming!! she was ok and rode off and there was no damage to either vehicle.

nearly as funny as the time one of my friends, (he posts on here regularly) rammed a pensioner into a wall in her mini, and she never drove again (everyone was ok). i wont elaborate but let him tell you the story if he wants

Rioja

PMSL
one of the best bits of descriptive writing I've ever read on SN; my compliments

ChrisB

Oh dear, more Fast Bloke utter classics