J4CKO

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The kids little furry beige demon escaped its palatial 'Rotostac' residence last night due to the lid now being replaced incorrectly, no one is fessing up but we have our suspect under surviellance, its his birthday today so we will defer judgement until tomorrow. I dont know why I agreed to the kids having it, my wife went mental when we got overrun with mice but went out and actually paid for a rodent ???, the mice were free and didnt require fifty quids worth of associated cage/bedding/food and a ball that splits open and deposits the thing onto the floor, you just find an empty ball and no Hamster then have to spend 2 hours locating it.

Anyway, the little beady eyed yellow toothed **** (The Hamster, not Bernie Ecclestone) escaped and instead of spending the night filling its capacious cheeks with sunflower seeds and doing chin ups on the bars whilst frantically gnawing it had the run of the front room (kids living room), so I suppose it checked everything out, randomly crapping and p1ssing as it went, it then decided to shred a six inch by one inch strip of carpet, right in front of the door where its most noticeable, completely fecked it is, just a little of the backing is still visible. It has been returned to its cage and has regurgited a substansial quantity of blue Axminster which its has integrated into its manky bed, a ball of cotton wool, wood shavings, **** and seeds, its weird it goes to the complete other end of its massive cage for a slash but just hangs its **** out of the bed for a dump ? which is the complete opposite of me after a few beers.

So a seven quid rodent has destroyed a 500 quid (I assume, havent got a quote yet) carpet and I am a little p1ssed off about it, this morning I was seriously considering microwaving the little ****, in fact I still owe the Dog one for ruining the week old lino in the kitchen trying to get out, that cost me 700 quid, the dog however wont fit in the microwave. talking of the dog, it treated me to a big load of **** the other morning, 6.30 am I open the kitchen door and am greeted by a wall of Dog **** fumes, made me gag, the silly f*cker gets up and starts tramping in it thinking she was getting breakfast, I feel like kicking f*ck out of it but I am not cruel and it would have only compunded the situation by me getting a sh1tty foot. I am hoping its terminal, otherwise does anyone know of a canine hitman or can provide any suggestions for offing the dog without arousing suspicion ? I am joking for the benefit of the Scoobynet lovers of things furry.

I may to arrange for the pair of them to be left in a room, I am hoping that the Dog mauls the Hamster and chokes on it, I suppose the Dogs mauling days are over (bit ancient and blind) so I dont think that will work.

I had my eye on a new PDA, now I will have to spend it on carpet, cant replace the lino due to the elderley dog living in the kitchen, and I know the moment I replace the wrecked lino with carpet she will pebbledash it, in fact I think she would crap on it whilst it was being fitted if given the chance.

I am really looking forward to the day when our house is free of animals, cant be long, the dog is 12 and pretty scabby with fatty lumps, a droopy face on one side, completely blind and an interesting range of bodily odours. The Hamster is one and a half and they live what about two years, oh the deep joy of finding a stiff Hamster, get the cage on Ebay.

Chip Sengravy

^ and that, is why you should get a cat instead

Ian_S

and you can get it to **** in other peoples gardens

Chip Sengravy

in one!

its biodegradeable, whats the problem ?

ScoobyDoo555

Our neighbours cats have now learnt not to **** in our garden BeaverMutt (aptly named because as a puppy she knawed through the stairs) is rather protective of her "turf"......

She gets quite upset if I mow through any other animals turds except hers

Dan

Mick

iTrader: (1)

Brilliant piece of writing... Just had to read it out to my missus

She suggests that ScoobyNet members take pity on you and club together to purchase you a healthy dog & hamster...

Hope they pop their clogs soon J4CKO LOL

Mick

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

Cheers,

No way am I getting a cat, my wife hates them, I quite like them having had one as a kid, but no way do I want one kipping on my bed like the old one did, he used to be out all night ********, killing all manner of wildlife and crashing through undergrowth and would then retire to my bed to clean himself, he used come in covered in allsorts, usually he had a black streak down his back, thats what you get if you scratch you back on the underside of a twenty year old Transit van.

He used to mount stealth attacks on you legs, hide behind the sofa and then storm out and wrap his lets around your bare calf, holding with the front, raking away with the back and for extra purchase he used to sink his teeth in, at least the dog and Hamster are not actually dangerous unless you happen to be some kind of floorcovering.

paul-s

fantastic piece of writing. I can just imagine the situation !

I also had a hamster who escaped one night from his plastic metropolis, ran to the corner of the room, gnawed about 2 inches of carpet away right in the corner, then went back to bed, so i didnt even know it had happened. cheeky ****** ! I noticed it a few days later. I think it lived to about 1 and a half, so J4CKO you shouldnt have long left mate !

jameswrx

iTrader: (4)

lol

scoob_babe

pmsl - brilliant
The new ipaqs are quite nice btw but you can't really use it as a floor covering although they have many features

Vegescoob

Tears of laughter. Recognise the attack cat!

Mick

iTrader: (1)

You could borrow a cat or entice a neighbours cat in with a treat of something... Give the dog a heart attack & hopefully the ingtrate rodent too...


Mick

ALi-B

iTrader: (1)

Oh the woes of pet ownership

don't bank on it - our little escape artist lived for four years

Little tip with the rotastack...we found out a flaw in its design...the food bowl acts as a blanking plate for a tube (incase that room was used as a 2nd floor) The little critter managed to prise the bowl out, and would crawl and push the whole rotastack over on to its side so it could get out (presumably being so fit by doing 200rpm on the wheel for 6 hours a night). Impressive to say the least on its own. It then did a death defying 3ft leap off the table onto the ground and somehow figured how to climb the stairs (we always found it upstairs). One day it actually made its way onto my bed and nearly squashed the critter when I went to bed.

When trying to teach the dog to hunt down said escapee, he'd just look at you and **** his head to one side pretending to play dumb

Alas

At least he did'nt **** his leg

Taff107

LOL.................

dazc

Cracking post...PMSL

wacky.banana

J4cko,

Excellent post

Mick

iTrader: (1)

BTT - for anyone who missed it - worth a re-read

Mick

hectic

absolutely brilliant read.. so many memories....the cat attacks.. my mutt has a ful array of weird and wonderful pongs too..and gets totally distraught when you mow through anyof his turds on the lawn... im in the process of slabbing the back garden,.. that'll fekkin learn 'im!! bastid he is!!

Chris L

J4CKO you never fail to restore my faith in Scoobynet Top Reading

john_s

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PMSL!

John.

Miss Kinky

excellent reading

as for pets - don't have any!

had cats for years - been pet free for 6 months and its been bliss, total freedom to come and go as we please, and no unpleasant surprises on the carpet in the morning. oh and no fleas either

J4CKO

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Almost a year to the day since I wrote that, its his birthday tomorrow !

Hamster gone, dog in good health, 50% decrease in pets !

IPALMER

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a bttt for one of last years classic scoobynet threads.

nice one J4CKO

Suresh

Nicely written. Don't you find dog **** in your kitchen a tad unhygenic though?

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

'Don't you find dog **** in your kitchen a tad unhygenic though'

No we love it, just navigate round it, we aim to be on Life of Grime and How clean is your house this year !

Actually we clean it up and disinfect the area, its not very often and a bit of a standard hazzard with dogs/kids and elderley relatives, the odd turd that is.

A turd in the kitchen is better than anywhere as its lino and not carpet, in fact a turd in the toilet is the optimal solution but dogs arent really geared up for it and no amount of training will help there.

carl

When I was a kid we had a hamster, and we used to keep the Rotastack on top of the cabinet in the dining room to keep it out of the way of the cat. Imagine our surprise when it managed a death-defying 7ft leap off the cabinet and we found it climbing up the towel in the downstairs loo. Although it did manage to break its leg in the process.

Of course this all came after the initial hamster disaster. We bought a hamster from a pet shop and, "imagine our surprise" when two weeks later we found seven of them in the Rotastack