druddle

May be SIAL but I found this on another forum entered by Dave P
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Dave P Fanclub 19 Nov 15:06


It's that time again folks! Less than nine months since the emotional victory for cuddly simpleton Kerry McFadden, the great British public are required to once again put their brains in a jar and watch ten more household names battle it out to be King or Queen of the Jungle. Will the winner be another irritating blonde who can't string together a coherent sentence, or was Phil Tufnell a one-off? Whatever happens, I'm sure the next two weeks will be packed with tension, emotion and of course the usual slice of hilarity. Here are my thoughts on each contestant:


JOE PASQUALE

Deadpan comic whose sidesplitting swipes at the establishment have cocked a snoop at the authorities and kept the public in stitches for decades. Has worked with all the great comics from Charlie Chaplin, through Jimmy Cricket and the Krankees, to the Chuckle Brothers. Guaranteed to raise a smile even when the chips are down - a real coup for the producers and a clear favourite.

Dave P's odds: 10/11
This year's: John Lydon
Not to be confused with: Peter Kay; Tony Hancock; Barry White.


ANTONIA FARGAS

Little known American actress who most famously starred in the rabbit-based romantic comedy Starsky and Hutch. A former bra model, Antonia is blonde and has large breasts so has to be a lively contender. Support may be diluted due to competition for the 'eye candy' vote.

Dave P's odds: 7/1
This year's: Jordan
Not to be confused with: Arsenal midfielder Francesc Fabregas; Hazel in Watership Down.


BRIAN HARVEY

A member of the 1990s group East 17, perhaps the finest rock band to come out of Walthamstow in recent memory. Brian gave up a successful singing career to concentrate on the heavy consumption of barbiturates and amphetamines, something at which he also excelled. Famous for going out with Spice Girl Emma B, expect Brian's nose to disintegrate at some stage in the first week.

Dave P's odds: 12/1
This year's: Daniella Westbrook
Not to be confused with: Brian May; PJ Harvey.


SOPHIE ANDERTON

A former Wonderbra girl, Sophie gave up a successful modelling career to concentrate on the heavy consumption of barbiturates and amphetamines, something at which she also excelled. Erudite, intelligent and with superbly formed mammaries, she could steal votes from the likes of Sorrell, Appleton and Street Porter.

Dave P's odds: 10/1
This year's: Daniella Westbrook
Not to be confused with: Birmingham midfielder Darren Anderton; fellow bra model Eva Herzigova.


FRAN COSGROVE

Never heard of her, but the name suggests Francesca is a blonde Italian bra model with large breasts. May suffer from the splitting of the 'totty' vote.

Dave P's odds: 6/1
This year's: Jordan
Not to be confused with: Arsenal midfielder Francesc Fabregas; Italian politician and former **** star Cicciolina.


JANET STREET PORTER

Despite her name, Janet is not a street porter, but an internationally celebrated journalist and broadcaster. Already bored with editing popular broadsheet the Independent on Sunday, the sultry-voiced Essex lady decided to open herself to further ridicule by turning her attention to mindrotting trash television.

Dave P's odds: 16/1
This year's: John Fashanu
Not to be confused with: Fellow crackpot Germaine Greer; anyone in EastEnders.


NANCY SORRELL

Famous for being married to Vic Reeves, who was famous for hanging around with Bob Mortimer, Nancy is also famous for her bra modelling and has ambitions to 'have a baby'. In short she's not famous at all and is only likely to pick up votes from late night drunken leerers. A real contender then.

Dave P's odds: 8/1
This year's: Alex Best
Not to be confused with: Paul Burrell; Sophie Anderton; Natalie Appleton; Antonia Fargas; Fran Cosgrove.


NATALIE APPLETON

A former singer with hip 90s quartet All Saints, Nicole is married to Blur frontman Noel Gallagher. After recording an album of flops with sister Natalie, former bra model Natalie hopes to revive her flagging career by eating worms on national television. Can she win? Never (ever).

Dave P's odds: 14/1
This year's: Alex Best
Not to be confused with: Natalie Appleton; Sophie Anderton, John Alderton.


SHEILA FERGUSON

A former singer with hip 60s quartet The Three Degrees Sheila's claim to fame is that she once met Prince Charles. Almost certain to be Australian so will feel at home in the crocodile-infested swamps of her home country. Mother of Everton thug Duncan.

Dave P's odds: 66/1
This year's: Chris Bisson (Who? Exactly)
Not be be confused with: Kylie Minogue, Rolf Harris.


PAUL BURRELL

Unlike Janet Street Porter, Paul is in fact a porter. Or is it a butler? Famous for stalking Princess Diana and hoarding her valuables, it turns out he also used to wash up for her. Fell out with the Queen, but so did Jennie Bond and she still came second last time. Claims to have never modelled bras but flies on the walls at Kensington Palace beg to differ.

Dave P's odds: 18/1
This year's: Lord Brocket
Not to be confused with: Nancy Sorrell, James Hewitt, James Gilbey, James Whittaker.

Harry_Boy

Very funny

EddScott

Who the heck is Fran Cosgrove anyway?

I appreciate that the people on this show are losely described as "Celebrities" but who the heck is he?

Harry_Boy

Nightclub owner, DJ... Apparently better known for a string of celebrity girlfriends (it says here...), including Atomic Kitten's Natasha.