Dogs are evil !
31 August 2003, 09:48 PM
#1
Have been house-sitting for my in laws this weekend, nice place in the sticks with a swimming pool. It starts getting late, have got kids to bed (eventually), have had dinner and a fair ammount of wine (the house is better stocked that most Thresher shops) so me and the missus decide to go for a swim (ahem), was quite nice with the stars and the steam rising of the water but was a little cold for my wife so we decide to go back inside, Suffice to say we were more than a little eager to get back in, my eagerness was fairly apparent.
Tried the back door and it wouldnt open, Arghhhhhhh, ****, B0llocks, ****, **** etc etc, the bottom latch had been closed, strange (and more than a little distressing) we thought, until Amy the Retreiver came to greet us at the door, turned round and lay down against the latch, mystery explained the f*cking dog had locked us out, I assume she had brushed it with her ample frame but then again I had a vison in my minds eye of a paw reaching from between the curtains and flicking the latch.
Anyway, dilemma, front door is locked as said hound is in full dog love mode and needs to be kept from rampant male hounds who lurk round on the sniff, checked all the doors and windows on the ground floor to no avail, the only opening was a small-ish bedroom window upstairs which was next to a pitched roof covered in green thick climbing type plants about a foot deep, no way I thought but its amazing what wine, panic and the horn do to your mind.
Before I knew it I was stood on a plastic garden table but it wasnt tall enough so I had to balance a plastic chair on top, managed to climb on top and very nearly fell off but managed to get up onto the roof which was wet and covered in plants and very dark managed to get to the window and through it, bearing in mind I was wearing very little (less than very little if you catch my drift) and then squeeze myself through the window onto a unit, there happened to be a pile of Hello and OK magazines just where my foot went and they arent exactly the grippiest item so one leg goes one way and the other was still in the window frame so I crash into the room taking a portable telly with me, landed face down on the floor hysterical, then I go down and let the wife in who was freezing by now. Warmed up fairly quickly though.
I swear the dogs were sniggering and I think I saw them do a high five in the hall.....
Tried the back door and it wouldnt open, Arghhhhhhh, ****, B0llocks, ****, **** etc etc, the bottom latch had been closed, strange (and more than a little distressing) we thought, until Amy the Retreiver came to greet us at the door, turned round and lay down against the latch, mystery explained the f*cking dog had locked us out, I assume she had brushed it with her ample frame but then again I had a vison in my minds eye of a paw reaching from between the curtains and flicking the latch.
Anyway, dilemma, front door is locked as said hound is in full dog love mode and needs to be kept from rampant male hounds who lurk round on the sniff, checked all the doors and windows on the ground floor to no avail, the only opening was a small-ish bedroom window upstairs which was next to a pitched roof covered in green thick climbing type plants about a foot deep, no way I thought but its amazing what wine, panic and the horn do to your mind.
Before I knew it I was stood on a plastic garden table but it wasnt tall enough so I had to balance a plastic chair on top, managed to climb on top and very nearly fell off but managed to get up onto the roof which was wet and covered in plants and very dark managed to get to the window and through it, bearing in mind I was wearing very little (less than very little if you catch my drift) and then squeeze myself through the window onto a unit, there happened to be a pile of Hello and OK magazines just where my foot went and they arent exactly the grippiest item so one leg goes one way and the other was still in the window frame so I crash into the room taking a portable telly with me, landed face down on the floor hysterical, then I go down and let the wife in who was freezing by now. Warmed up fairly quickly though.
I swear the dogs were sniggering and I think I saw them do a high five in the hall.....
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31 August 2003, 10:15 PM
#9
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Still p*ssing myself laughing! Dogs are so unintentionally funny.......or in your case, bloody agrevating!!! Things obviously turned out ok! 
01 September 2003, 07:55 PM
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Just be careful of what the pooch may have planned for you next.
How about a strategically placed cold wet nose while you're busy.
Good story m8
Alas
How about a strategically placed cold wet nose while you're busy.
Good story m8
Alas
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