does anyone know the law that lets a farther see his son .... i have paid CSA for...
08 July 2003, 11:08 PM
#1
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ditto the points above,
and when ur lad turns 18, u will still be young enough to go out on the pi$$ with him, just like me.
[Edited by Dazza012 - 8/7/2003 11:08:35 PM]
and when ur lad turns 18, u will still be young enough to go out on the pi$$ with him, just like me.
[Edited by Dazza012 - 8/7/2003 11:08:35 PM]
07 August 2003, 08:44 PM
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about 5-6yrs and at first i had no contact with my son then i started seeing him when the mother alowed me to go swimming with them both and he knew me as gareth <a friend of his mums>.
she wanted it this way as to "not upset" him and i was just happy to see my son.
then she come onto me and keeped asking me to leave my g/f for them wich i dont want to do cos for one its not fair that i should and two i dont want a life with her, i just want to see my son grow up and for him to know who i am.
so that meant we stop talking then last week she text me asking to help her change the birth cert so my name is on there not the boy she was going out with at the time my son was concived/born
i said id help and she now keeps asking me again to leave my g/f and that if i took it to court to see my son i wouldnt get anywere because it was a one night stand and every time i come into her life i cause upset??????
sorry its long and not very well set out but its a bit upseting and i need some answers i cant afford a soliciter at the mo and need to find out were i stand so i can get some money together and sort it out.....
thank you for your time reading this and hope you can help,,,,,,
<please no muppets on this as i wont find it funny> <and if you can see the funny side of this you must be sad!!!!!
she wanted it this way as to "not upset" him and i was just happy to see my son.
then she come onto me and keeped asking me to leave my g/f for them wich i dont want to do cos for one its not fair that i should and two i dont want a life with her, i just want to see my son grow up and for him to know who i am.
so that meant we stop talking then last week she text me asking to help her change the birth cert so my name is on there not the boy she was going out with at the time my son was concived/born
i said id help and she now keeps asking me again to leave my g/f and that if i took it to court to see my son i wouldnt get anywere because it was a one night stand and every time i come into her life i cause upset??????
sorry its long and not very well set out but its a bit upseting and i need some answers i cant afford a soliciter at the mo and need to find out were i stand so i can get some money together and sort it out.....
thank you for your time reading this and hope you can help,,,,,,
<please no muppets on this as i wont find it funny> <and if you can see the funny side of this you must be sad!!!!!
07 August 2003, 08:55 PM
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essentially there are two routes:
1) Make an informal arangement with the mother
if this is not possible, next plan is
2) Get a solicitor, have a court hearing and persuade the judge that you should have an access order allowing you to see your son. The fact that you make payments etc should be to your advantage here.
hth
Charlie.
1) Make an informal arangement with the mother
if this is not possible, next plan is
2) Get a solicitor, have a court hearing and persuade the judge that you should have an access order allowing you to see your son. The fact that you make payments etc should be to your advantage here.
hth
Charlie.
07 August 2003, 09:07 PM
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The birth certificate CANNOT be changed, u r the father if she / u knowingly put false info on a birth cert u will be can and will be charged.
Do not go back to ur ex, Y, cos its pointless, unless YOU want to not cos she wants u to.
You also have rights as the FATHER to have reasonable access to your child, go see C.A.B. they will help, if that fails go see a solicitor, sounds pricey but its isn't as they take into account what u earn and what CSA u pay.
My advice so take it how u want to.
Never ever let ur child grow up without knowing ur his DAD, my 2 boys alway new me as there dad and it was never mums freind as i wouldn't stand for it.
Jamie my oldest turned 18 yesterday, and Nathan was 16 last July, both know that they can ring me anytime they want, come round any time and also tap me up for cash. they have a problem they call me, im always there for them, and would never turn them away, even my missus treats them as her, makes them to the pots when they stay.
[Edited by Dazza012 - 8/7/2003 9:13:36 PM]
edited again cos i missed off the word "OUT" and it read differently to what i intended it to. (WITHOUT)
[Edited by Dazza012 - 8/7/2003 9:16:28 PM]
Do not go back to ur ex, Y, cos its pointless, unless YOU want to not cos she wants u to.
You also have rights as the FATHER to have reasonable access to your child, go see C.A.B. they will help, if that fails go see a solicitor, sounds pricey but its isn't as they take into account what u earn and what CSA u pay.
My advice so take it how u want to.
Never ever let ur child grow up without knowing ur his DAD, my 2 boys alway new me as there dad and it was never mums freind as i wouldn't stand for it.
Jamie my oldest turned 18 yesterday, and Nathan was 16 last July, both know that they can ring me anytime they want, come round any time and also tap me up for cash. they have a problem they call me, im always there for them, and would never turn them away, even my missus treats them as her, makes them to the pots when they stay.
[Edited by Dazza012 - 8/7/2003 9:13:36 PM]
edited again cos i missed off the word "OUT" and it read differently to what i intended it to. (WITHOUT)
[Edited by Dazza012 - 8/7/2003 9:16:28 PM]
07 August 2003, 09:11 PM
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By no means am I any kind of qualified legal representative, but I can tell you some of the snippets that I know of.
First, go and talk to someone at your local Citizens Advice Bureau. They can help you and explain everything you need to know.
Second, (without wanting to sound out of order) before you put your name on the birth certificate, please be absolutely certain he is yours. Whilst you may think I'm being crass saying that, I think you'd be quite upset having doled out all that brass and emotion only to find later he wasnt yours after all.
Third, you apply to the Courts for an access order. It's best explained as a court backed agreement for times to see your son.
As far as I understand it there have to be very strong representaions from the other party (backed up with evidence/previous convictions) for an access order to be refused.
To be honest, I can't understand why the CSA have got their hooks in you when you aren't the named father on the birth certificate.
I thought they could only do that if there was no father named.
Whatever you do, stay cool about it all and go talk to the CAB.
They are the people who can advise you on everything you need to know.
HTH
First, go and talk to someone at your local Citizens Advice Bureau. They can help you and explain everything you need to know.
Second, (without wanting to sound out of order) before you put your name on the birth certificate, please be absolutely certain he is yours. Whilst you may think I'm being crass saying that, I think you'd be quite upset having doled out all that brass and emotion only to find later he wasnt yours after all.
Third, you apply to the Courts for an access order. It's best explained as a court backed agreement for times to see your son.
As far as I understand it there have to be very strong representaions from the other party (backed up with evidence/previous convictions) for an access order to be refused.
To be honest, I can't understand why the CSA have got their hooks in you when you aren't the named father on the birth certificate.
I thought they could only do that if there was no father named.
Whatever you do, stay cool about it all and go talk to the CAB.
They are the people who can advise you on everything you need to know.
HTH
07 August 2003, 09:20 PM
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thanks all should have said it was a one night stand and the girl was seeing my mate they split for a while when the one nighter happened they got back together and they thought it was theres <just add we were all 15 at the time> about a year after the bady was born the boy had tests done by the CSA because they had finished at it turned out it wasnt his so my name was sent to them i had the DNA tests done and it came back 99.5% possative
SO thats why his name was on the birth cert,
SO thats why his name was on the birth cert,
07 August 2003, 09:38 PM
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initial consultations with solicitors are free of charge, or you can ask the citizens advice bureau if there is a local solicitor in your area who sits on a child panel, they can often mediate on your behalf and often make arrangements that suit everyone.
above all else keep fighting for your children, don't be disheartened by your ex too much, she obviously has legal advice behind her, you can match it, solicitors come free or reduced rates in certain circumstances, just ask at the cab and they will point you in right direction
good luck to you
above all else keep fighting for your children, don't be disheartened by your ex too much, she obviously has legal advice behind her, you can match it, solicitors come free or reduced rates in certain circumstances, just ask at the cab and they will point you in right direction
good luck to you
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07 August 2003, 11:00 PM
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Talking from experience here you NEED to see a solicitor ASAP! You will be means tested and you can get help even on what you might think is a salary that wont qualify for help, all depending on your circumstances and outgoings.
Your access if not agreed mutually will be set by a judge if you get it to court. You NEED to show to the judge you have demonstrated as much interest in your son as possible and want as much involvement as possible. Seeing a solicitor ASAP will help back up your claims of wanting to see your son. You have to remember the courts are against fathers in every way so you cant mess about on this with the likes of CAB, get to a specialist solicitor ASAP, I can not emphasise this enough!
Hope everything turns out how you want it to.
Your access if not agreed mutually will be set by a judge if you get it to court. You NEED to show to the judge you have demonstrated as much interest in your son as possible and want as much involvement as possible. Seeing a solicitor ASAP will help back up your claims of wanting to see your son. You have to remember the courts are against fathers in every way so you cant mess about on this with the likes of CAB, get to a specialist solicitor ASAP, I can not emphasise this enough!
Hope everything turns out how you want it to.
08 August 2003, 11:39 AM
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to bloody right dazza hes nealy 8 now the only reason ive left it this long is becasuse i thought she,d grow up and see that its my boy shes depriving of a father but she hasnt so looks like it will be going to court
thanks all......
thanks all......
08 August 2003, 11:51 AM
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Have a look here as well http://www.scoobynet.co.uk/bbs/threa...hreadid=238156
The sister site is specifically based in your area I think.
The sister site is specifically based in your area I think.
08 August 2003, 12:06 PM
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1. I know nothing.
2. If you want to fight using law, then you will probably have to show that you want to be the father, not a mailing address. If she fights, her lawyer will try to discredit you by saying you never see him, you aren't really interested, you've been OK up to now at a distance, it would do damage to the child to find out who his father is at this age, you're a no-good layabout who wouldn't be a good role model, etc etc. It is up to you to convince the judge (who may already be convinced, see point 1) that her lawyer is talking crap. What I'm trying to say is, if you can take steps in your life to prove you are good, do them NOW, don't wait until after the court case, so in court you can say "Look, I've already...".
Good luck.
2. If you want to fight using law, then you will probably have to show that you want to be the father, not a mailing address. If she fights, her lawyer will try to discredit you by saying you never see him, you aren't really interested, you've been OK up to now at a distance, it would do damage to the child to find out who his father is at this age, you're a no-good layabout who wouldn't be a good role model, etc etc. It is up to you to convince the judge (who may already be convinced, see point 1) that her lawyer is talking crap. What I'm trying to say is, if you can take steps in your life to prove you are good, do them NOW, don't wait until after the court case, so in court you can say "Look, I've already...".
Good luck.
08 August 2003, 12:16 PM
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you mean like
1, had my own house for 4 years
2, got a steady job
3, in a steady relationship
4, got finances in order
5, dont drink <much> <1 or 2 a week>
6, dont smoke <anything> <unlike her!!!!>
7, got a bedroom ready for him if needed
8, last but not least ive got a SUBARU and its a sport so still got money left from the petrol budget lol
1, had my own house for 4 years
2, got a steady job
3, in a steady relationship
4, got finances in order
5, dont drink <much> <1 or 2 a week>
6, dont smoke <anything> <unlike her!!!!>
7, got a bedroom ready for him if needed
8, last but not least ive got a SUBARU and its a sport so still got money left from the petrol budget lol
08 August 2003, 12:23 PM
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Sounds good to me!
You're OK, but what about relationship with him? Gave him a birthday present every year? He likes coming to your place? (impossible to prove in ct)
I really know F. All, but am trying to give you an idea of how the other side might fight it. There are more people on scoobynet who have far better experience of this than me. Maybe they can help with suggestions if you need them. hey, I really hope it doesn't get to that stage, agreement is so much better than a nasty court fight.
You're OK, but what about relationship with him? Gave him a birthday present every year? He likes coming to your place? (impossible to prove in ct)
I really know F. All, but am trying to give you an idea of how the other side might fight it. There are more people on scoobynet who have far better experience of this than me. Maybe they can help with suggestions if you need them. hey, I really hope it doesn't get to that stage, agreement is so much better than a nasty court fight.
08 August 2003, 12:48 PM
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cheers bravo ive just applyed to join an do my bit,
there,s no way it will be sorted out of court unless i leave my g/f and go back with her,,,,,
HER PLAN TO ME WAS.........
i sell my house......we buy new house together.......live together
happy family,,,,,,,,
I THINK HER PLAN IS,,,,,,,,
i sell my house.....we buy house together,,,,,we dont work out <like i know it wont anyway>....she gets to keep house.....
im left flat broke paying house csa etc
there,s no way it will be sorted out of court unless i leave my g/f and go back with her,,,,,
HER PLAN TO ME WAS.........
i sell my house......we buy new house together.......live together
happy family,,,,,,,,
I THINK HER PLAN IS,,,,,,,,
i sell my house.....we buy house together,,,,,we dont work out <like i know it wont anyway>....she gets to keep house.....
im left flat broke paying house csa etc
08 August 2003, 12:52 PM
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forgot to say the reason she wants the birth cert changed is because the farther named is not the proven father she needs it changing to be able to get my son a bank account/passport as his birth cert now is not a legitamate document,
08 August 2003, 02:35 PM
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Newport there is no such evil a woman with an alterior motive.
She has no right to hold your children to ramsome.
See a solicitor, make sure its a Partner in a firm as they have far more clout and experience in dealing with such spiteful cases.
Your children do not deserve to be stuck in the middle of this mess.
She must be gettng advice on how to screw you into the ground from somewhere, its about time you levelled the playing field.
Hope everything is worked out soon for the children and you, get a damn good lawyer and do as she is doing to you.
She has no right to hold your children to ramsome.
See a solicitor, make sure its a Partner in a firm as they have far more clout and experience in dealing with such spiteful cases.
Your children do not deserve to be stuck in the middle of this mess.
She must be gettng advice on how to screw you into the ground from somewhere, its about time you levelled the playing field.
Hope everything is worked out soon for the children and you, get a damn good lawyer and do as she is doing to you.
08 August 2003, 03:06 PM
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Gareth
1) Don't dare leave your Mrs or you'll never drive my new Turbo !! lol
2) Seek urgent legal advice. If you need it I will ask a favour of a mate of mine who is in Roger James and Vaux solicitors. He does criminal law, but he can get most things sorted.
You have my mobile number if you need owt.
See ya
Sean
1) Don't dare leave your Mrs or you'll never drive my new Turbo !! lol
2) Seek urgent legal advice. If you need it I will ask a favour of a mate of mine who is in Roger James and Vaux solicitors. He does criminal law, but he can get most things sorted.
You have my mobile number if you need owt.
See ya
Sean
11 August 2003, 01:10 PM
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dai i cant leave her i cant iron lol
ive just spoke to my ex and it came to the situation where ive said if you want to speak to me anymore do it through your solicitor because shes just ring/texting to anoy me now,
ive just spoke to my ex and it came to the situation where ive said if you want to speak to me anymore do it through your solicitor because shes just ring/texting to anoy me now,
11 August 2003, 01:20 PM
#24
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Good luck with that approach mate, I went through the mill with that line of communication and all it does is line the solicitors pockets.
If at all possible, and if it means leave it a couple of days to coool off, try and talk her round to the view of solicitors will cost you both a fortune. You will need to do the important bits through them but keep it to the bare minimum with them dealing purely with the legal stuff and that you need to both be civil to each other and if things need to be discussed then perhaps you do it in front of a mutual contact etc.
Just a thought from someone who has been there.
Good luck!
If at all possible, and if it means leave it a couple of days to coool off, try and talk her round to the view of solicitors will cost you both a fortune. You will need to do the important bits through them but keep it to the bare minimum with them dealing purely with the legal stuff and that you need to both be civil to each other and if things need to be discussed then perhaps you do it in front of a mutual contact etc.
Just a thought from someone who has been there.
Good luck!
11 August 2003, 09:37 PM
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brazo thats the way i wanted to play it out but she knows that it will cost me to do it through the solicitors and she doesnt have to pay a penny for hers, i tried explaining that i would rather spent the £££££,s on my son an she threw it in my face that i would be spoiling him and hed want to come live with me etc etc..
after i said that i had a text off her saying " craig <her ex> was a better farther than i am"
i was dying to send one back saying "yeah well he had the chance to be i havent" but ive bit my tounge but it just goes to show shes just trying to wind me up ,,and she doesnt care her sons losing out on a father
after i said that i had a text off her saying " craig <her ex> was a better farther than i am"
i was dying to send one back saying "yeah well he had the chance to be i havent" but ive bit my tounge but it just goes to show shes just trying to wind me up ,,and she doesnt care her sons losing out on a father
11 August 2003, 10:17 PM
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Sounds like she is related to my ex wife with that attitude! Mine did the same to me m8 and I think its normal when things arnt amicable.
You are a better man than me though for being able to hold back on the replies, I just couldn't keep my mouth shut and bite my lip, I used to bite at her comments big time
As for the not caring about your son missing out on his father, I know exactly how that feels. Mine used my son as a possesion rather than treat him like a little boy. She actually used him to blackmail me with, ie if you dont do this then you dont get to see your son etc etc [img]images/smilies/mad.gif[/img]
One thing I can take some comfort in is that she is still with the same bloke and my son likes him a lot, which pains me, but as my parents keep telling me, its much better for him to be able to get on with her bf and like him then to hate him or be frightened of him. If your sons mum has got a bloke try and find out what he is like as if he is not what you think is good for your son and have reason for those views then this is something obviously you need to make clear in court.
The only advice I can give on her trying to put you through as much pain as possible/make life as hard as possible is that is there a mutual person you can use as a go between who knows you both?
The Fathers 4 Justice campaign really made me sit up and listen because before I had heard of them I was extremely frustrated with the way everything goes against the Father and Mothers can just sit back and laugh and twist the knife. At last something is being done, even if its purely increasing awareness currently. HGopefully the organisation will grow and grow until it gets some results. Did you get an email from them telling you of all the events taking place this year etc?
Good luck with bringing her round to a less confrontational approach.
You are a better man than me though for being able to hold back on the replies, I just couldn't keep my mouth shut and bite my lip, I used to bite at her comments big time
As for the not caring about your son missing out on his father, I know exactly how that feels. Mine used my son as a possesion rather than treat him like a little boy. She actually used him to blackmail me with, ie if you dont do this then you dont get to see your son etc etc [img]images/smilies/mad.gif[/img]
One thing I can take some comfort in is that she is still with the same bloke and my son likes him a lot, which pains me, but as my parents keep telling me, its much better for him to be able to get on with her bf and like him then to hate him or be frightened of him. If your sons mum has got a bloke try and find out what he is like as if he is not what you think is good for your son and have reason for those views then this is something obviously you need to make clear in court.
The only advice I can give on her trying to put you through as much pain as possible/make life as hard as possible is that is there a mutual person you can use as a go between who knows you both?
The Fathers 4 Justice campaign really made me sit up and listen because before I had heard of them I was extremely frustrated with the way everything goes against the Father and Mothers can just sit back and laugh and twist the knife. At last something is being done, even if its purely increasing awareness currently. HGopefully the organisation will grow and grow until it gets some results. Did you get an email from them telling you of all the events taking place this year etc?
Good luck with bringing her round to a less confrontational approach.
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