Regacy

Drive 2 inches off the car in front
Develop a smug sneer, which you direct at everyone else on your road
Operate your brakes as if they're on an on/off switch

MarkCSC

don't forget

"Always drive with fog lights on whatever the weather"

Badger Stuffer

Dear New BMW Owner:

Congratulations on the purchase of your new automobile! We're sure that it will provide you with the utmost in driving pleasure and lifestyle enhancement.

However, we must inform you that there are certain minimum requirements that a BMW customer must meet in order to retain ownership of his or her vehicle. Specifically, as a first time owner, you must take and pass the following classes, offered by your local BMW dealer:

ARR 101 -- Arrogance
A six week course explaining the details of driving habits, posture, clothing, and other details that all lead to the arrogant appearance and demeanor that all BMW owners must present. $800/person

AGG 101 -- Aggressiveness
Six weeks of hands-on experience in tailgating, rapid unsignaled lane changes, speeding, and hard braking. When you complete this course you'll be able to merge your car into the tiniest available spot on the freeway and cause everyone around you to know a BMW just entered the road, even if they couldn't see you at the time. $1000/person

BUD 101 -- Budgeting To Make Your Car Payment
Twelve weeks. $1500/person
If this is a second (or later) BMW, then our requirements include:


ARR 102 -- Arrogance Refresher
Three weeks of refresher course on arrogance. $650/person

AGG 102 -- Aggressiveness Refresher
Three weeks of refresher course on aggressiveness. $850/person

BUD 102 -- Additional Budgeting Skills
12 weeks. This course covers additional budgeting skills including:
How to buy your teenage child his or her first BMW and still make the payment on your own.
The home equity loan -- your friend.
Selling your house to pay for your car -- you can do it.
Paying for your BMW owner training classes -- yes, you have to.
$1500/person
These classes must be completed successfully during your first 3 months of ownership, or we will be forced to repossess your car.

In addition, we offer other classes that you may be interested in taking. These include:


LIF 101 -- Living Where Other BMW Owners Live
How to find those neighborhoods where your fellow BMW owners already live. Three weeks. $500/person

MAI 101 -- BMW Maintenance
Four weeks. Basic training in how to open your wallet to pay BMW mechanics seven times the going hourly rate to fix your car when it breaks. $750/person

MAI 201 -- Advanced BMW Maintenance
Eight weeks. Admission to this class requires instructor approval. Hypno-therapy to ease the process of opening the wallet of really tough customers.
Please contact your BMW dealer to enroll in your required classes, and in any of the voluntary classes that appeal to you.

Once again, we appreciate your business! Happy Driving!

ScoobySnack

Damm i didn't realise when i have a BMW that these courses were available. i shall book some immediately...

Also my fog lights are cracked so I must replace them, otherwise I can't help light the road for other users

Now to the BMW lane of the Motorway for my trip to work... out the way peasants........


J

RRH

built by germans
driven by tawts (who can't spell)

simon
(STi RA & M5)

Flat 4x4

Every seen one driven one up a snowy,icy hill ?

That'll wipe the smile off their face

(unless its an X5 of course !)

ScoobySnack

Yep the M1 in the ice some time back , followed by the snowy lanes & hills.

Quite entertaining

J

sebastian

c unts

I just had a guy in a new m3 cut me up shockingly at a road merge after a set of lights and accelerate away

i did notice the exhaust note is dreadful on those things.....it sounded like giant starter motor...awful