sprigeteer

iTrader: (9)

Out and about today and heard this one girl, must have been around 6, telling her Dad (in a high pitched screaming kind of voice, but she was very much in control - we are not talking a child with issues here), "Open your ears did you not hear what I just said?!" A brief tirade followed putting Dad in his place. The look she gave him was withering. Dad takes it. Mum did not bat an eye lid. Seemed the norm. I see this all the time. If I'd have spoke to my parents like that I know exactly what would have happened.

bangshift

kids these days, little ****s!

dpb

god forbid what mum dishes out !

dpb

( hes probably learnt the hard way never to answer back )

Turbohot

It's about the parents maintaining boundaries. A lot of children don't really have any health issues but they end up receiving labels because their parents lack parenting skills.

There's one 7 yo at a friend's who's extremely bright and so damn cute but her behaviour knows no boundaries. She publicly calls her mum's nice boyfriend fat and ugly for nothing and takes over her teacher's job in her school. She snatched the MC position from her mum's BF in one party I met her and did the quizzes as well for the afters. she wanted to be in every damn picture and took complete control of the camera. Even drove the host's dog potty by sitting on him again and again. Honestly. Damien child.

bangshift

hodgy0_2

exactly

I have a little bit of experience in this (with 5 children)

children both want and need boundaries

don't make idle threats - by all means make threats, but follow through, however uncomfortable or inconvenient it is for you

then by definition - they are not threats (your children will soon learn)

don't try and be a "friend" - that's not what the want or need, they make "friends" at school

and in the same vein, don't try and be an enemy

but have the confidence to parent

stipete75

being a parent is no easy task. It's fairly easy when they are babies and slowly growing.
The problems start when then they reach 14/15+ years.....
The attitudes, the talking back, the pushing boundaries, the being late home, the untidy bedrooms, the not doing homework etc etc lol

Peedee

iTrader: (4)

The answer is easy.

Don't have kids. Works for me!

Job done

domino46

And me , and leaves so much more money to spend on yourself and your cars

Had a strict upbringing , had to call my dad SIR for years (until I moved out) and wouldn't think of talking back to him but I also knew he loved me very much ,, makes me sick when I have to put up with other people's kids not behaving or acting rude around me as there parents haven't a clue how to act them selfs let alone teach there kids how to behave in public

Turbohot

Your father expected you to call him 'sir'??? The guy must have been very reluctant of having children himself hence such power-tripping maltreatment to you; well, unless you were a child in the Victorian times or, if he was some narcissistic Army reject.

I don't class such parenting good parenting either that puts your child off doing normal things like reproducing himself one day.

Turbohot

Yes, this 'friend' business with your kids is so stupid. Kids aren't your friends, they're your kids; no matter what age. Maintain invisible boundaries at all times but never deprive them of your love, care and attention. Be as unconditional as possible with such, yet equip them with social etiquettes, life skills and ability to love/connect with others. That can only happen if you have some boundaries.

sometimes, children who misbehave and don't get controlled by their parents are at the receiving end of some sort of compensation. That compensation could be unconsciously being paid by the parent. For example, some parents that lack engaging ability with the child may buy their child expensive goods. Some may put up with their misbehaviour because they simply don't have the skills to work out what's going on for the child. Some are so wrapped up in their own stuff that they have a child to fulfill their own agenda but what child really wants is not important. What child superficially wants can be done, but emotional requirements can't be met; due to the parent's lack of own 'personal quality' resources. So, the child manifests distorted behaviours to cope with own frustration. Sometimes a child mirrors parents, in order to justify own existence. In OP's case, who knows if the girl heard another adult insulting the father at home thus acting out that learning on another event? Who knows if the father always ignores her as his second nature hence the girl's need to emphasise her existence? We don't know.

Parent/s should sort it.

domino46

Well I'm from a large family and we were all happy to call him sir as we have a lot of respect for him ,, as you were prob happy calling your dad whatever he brought you up calling him as its only a sound I knew me dad by

Rarther than assuming it's something to do with my farther why not ask if I can actually have children as for the record I haven't got any choice in having children but I dont dwell on that and get on with life and try and enjoy it while I'm here

Second as for a army reject ,, my farther served his country proudly an fought in the Falklands aswell as serving in Northern Ireland during all the problems and is just about to retire with his army pension so hardly a reject ,, my grandfather was one of the first commandos to be in 29 commando (look them up) when they formed after WW2 and I'm also very very proud of him , all my uncles and brother served but sadly I couldn't , so yes I'm from a army based family were calling someone sir is just like calling them dad and a way of showing you love and respect them

pimmo2000

iTrader: (6)

It's difficult for people outside your situation to understand, my kids calling me daddy is a lovely feeling for me, but you seem to respect and love your dad, so sounds like it worked for you

As for the topic, I took mine to Splash landings this weekend, couple of times I near said something to other kids being little *******s. I'm quite strict with my kids and they are very polite and never once have either of them thrown a tantrum (now 5 and 6). Threats with follow through is good advice, works for me, if daddy says he'll do something, it gets done. On the flip side, they want for nothing and completely understand the concept of good behaviour/hardwork vs reward.

Of course I'd imagine the people with the horrible kids think they are great too, so

I have more of an issue with overweight kids, you see some huge parents with large kids and I get some have medical issue, but for the most part it's poor diet and lack of exercise. I mean health aside that kid will get picked on, wont be able to do things other kids do and will more than likely suffer from some kind of depression or body confidence.

David Lock

Boundaries


Love


Tone of voice


dl


PS. Always assuming mum and dad set a good example.

PaulC72

smack the little shi..kids these days geesh.

stevebt

iTrader: (8)

Kids will always speak to their parents wrong and all ages. People 40 will speak to their parents in a horrible manner just as much as a 17 year old will. If you think it's limited to 6 year olds your very wrong

hodgy0_2

Lol so true Stevebt

My father comes to stay occasionally (mainly at Xmas)

After about 3 or 4 days I revert to being/acting like a teenager

My wife points it out, I deny it but I know it's true - I am 50 btw

stevebt

iTrader: (8)

It's in your genes to be argumentative with your parents, the ones who deny it it are in denial . I worked with my dad for 20 years and spoke to him horrible just as he spoke to me as bad. I noticed he would be nice to others but just call me for nothing.

Welcome to happy families

Paben

iTrader: (5)

Spare the rod and spoil the child! Nothing concentrated my mind more as a child than the knowledge that poor conduct, at home and at school, had serious consequences of the walloping kind. When that option was removed by an enlightened government child behaviour went rapidly downhill.

pimmo2000

iTrader: (6)

Personally I think it's benefits Britain, previously if you had a child you had to go out and work, be that 16 hour labour a day, you had pride in your possessions and credit was frowned upon. I watched my mum and dad work all the hours they could, we didn't have anything new and the day I turned 18, whilst still in school I got a job to pay rent.

Now you can live (maybe even better off) off the state and build credit till you bankrupt yourself, the slate is cleared and you start over. Of course this isn't the case for many people, but it is just by chance the worst behaved children (in the papers and in my experience) come from jobless parents? and I mean people who choose not to work.

Another weird one for me, having a disabled child must be horrendous and a huge amount of respect for people who stick with them and give them the best lives they can, but it seems LOADS of families have a child now that classes as disabled, they get a new car and payments.. do we have more disabled children now or is it easier to claim?

Turbohot

Ok, and.....


What he ^ said most eloquently- on that.

I apologise for judging your father, domino46. It's just that a formal term i.e. 'sir' instead of 'dad' or 'papa' sounds so cold and extra-conditional; as opposed to bearing parental warmth and reasonability. But if it worked for you, great.

joz8968

iTrader: (13)

LOL!

Turbohot

Haw Haw!

Doesn't this 'stuck in Victorian era' dad speak like our friend James Taylor? I thought so even before getting to the Bible reference

I must go into hiding now. He'll kill me if he sees my post.

(Runs to hide)

wayne9t9

I blame the parents.

ditchmyster

iTrader: (7)

Sure not easy being a parent, my boy who's almost 9 used to give me a bit of a hard time a couple of years back, took me a while not to want to just kick his *** like my mum did to me and learn how to talk to him and make it clear that his actions had consequences both good and bad, at the end of the day it's the good old carrot and stick that works best, bad behaviour equals no treats, good behaviour means he gets his rewards, trips out, the things he wants for x mas, bdays etc, nothing quite like good old fashioned blackmail.

Fortunately I'm really stubborn so sticking to my guns is never a problem and I'm quite good at slinging a deaf un, so whining etc falls on deaf ears.

We have a really good relationship now and he's stopped pushing the boundaries, ultimately it's a learning curve on both sides.