Found this on a Porsche BB. Well it made me laugh.

Mark

Things NOT to tell a Policeman:

l. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are you Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the boot, are you?

8. I pay your salary.

9. Thanks, officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too.

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me
they are.

12. When the officer says "Sir, your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" you probably shouldn't respond with,
"Officer, your eyes looked glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

 

Excellent Mark..

How about;

You don't need to see my identification,
these aren't the droids you're looking for...

"Why are you driving if you've been drinking?" Sorry Occifer, I was to pished to wwwalk

"Have you been drinking?" I haven't had a c*nt all night Drinkstable

and of course...shouldn't you be doing something better, like catching real criminals...

 

"Of course it isn't my car, do you really think I'd drive my own car like that!"

"Yes I do officer, it's 30Mph, but I really don't give * * * ** * ** * *!"

Response to standard issue "I know this is a fast car sir but..." opening line: "Sorry officer, you simply don't have a clue how fast it really is, you are just being your usual patronising self trying to create an authorative image with your condascending and uneducated remarks! You will probably need to borrow a dictionary now, here you are!"

In a camp tone say "Oh, I like a man in uniform!"

 

Mark,
We did a similar thing in our newsletter after I won the Revs top-speed shoot-out achieving a verified 172mph:
1. What took you so long?

2. Is one of my lights out? (In repsonse to "Do you know why I stopped you?").

3. If you're quick, we'll still be able to see the turbo glowing!

4. Did you get that flameout on video? If so can I have a copy?

5. I have no idea of the speed officer, I was watching the boost gauge...

6. I can't switch it off, I've got to let the turbo cool down.

7. I only pulled over'cos I thought you were an ambulance.

8. I still had another 700 revs to go....

9. What did you have on you speedo, as mine under-reads?

10. I was testing the the theory behind gatsos (that if you go past one at over 155mph you are out of frame for the second photo needed to convict...)

11. Is there any chance you'll let me off?

12. I was trying to better the speed I achieved at Bruntingthorpe.

13. Will I get on the front page of "The Sun"?

 

Or how about.

"F**k off you jumped up little pr**k. WHy don't you go and catch real crooks etc etc"

Psychology in action!

Still a bit touchy about my last ticket. Need more pills....must kill plod...

 

In response to "Have you been drinking Sir?"

"Of course I have, you don't think I drive as badly as this when I'm sober do you?"

Regards,

Tiggers

 

Just remember that if you are cautioned by Plod that you reply

"Please don't hit me again officer !!"

[This message has been edited by Devils Advocate (edited 15-03-2000).]

 

Devil,
LOL
Mike

 

Mike, just looking at that Speed run in Rev's last night (stopped buying it just after that). Kicked everyone's butt by quite a margin, if I remember correctly.

Mod's to your car took half a page !!!

Weren't you running low boost as well (or lower than you could) ???

Darren.

 

How about
"please accept this free CD copy of software my company has just produced to allow the tracing of your family tree with only certain knowledge of the distaff side."

Then bung 'em a blank.

 

hows about,

"No i did not jump on the brakes and lock the tyres up when i saw you hiding in the layby" "what you saw and heard was me coming off the throttle, the nose of the car diving and the sound was the waiste gate dumping 24PSI of boost" quickly followed by "go on then, give me the caution"

oops

 

Milky,
No I was using full boost (just the magazine printed the wrong figure) and had they put the full spec (which again had LOADS of errors in - despite me providing them with a copy), it would have taken a whole page in itself (with no room for photos!).

However, there was more to come (700 more revs to be precise), but they wouldn't move the timing lights any further down the track due to the other cars not having as good brakes and that it was also wet (something about "running out of braking area".....)
LOL
Mike

 

Mark,

What's the web address for the Porsche BB?

Paul

 

No No No...best line I've heard so far was....


So you've not stopped me to tell me you've caught Jill Dando's killer then !!

 

PaulW

 

Thanks Mark

 

Mark,
Have gone and subscribed to them so I can do some Porker bating...
LOL
Mike

 

Mark

They ARE rather touchy aren't they..!

Aaaah... a little international porker baiting! Nice to know that Porsche owners are the same world over!

 

You think their touch now...just wait till CK1 finds out about this board

laters

fris......

by the way Mik....sorry I meant <B>Cosworths eat Porkers</B> Whats this I hear about Penni's soon to be released website having a section dedicated to your flame spitting Saffy Cosworth???

 

Frisby,
'tis true - she's a little gem - obviously knows a good car when she sees one..
Mike

 

Your 172mph Mike made the only Scooby 145mph look very feeble, but then again I think we all recognise the power of your beast in a 'straight line'...

A few corners and that would be a different matter...

Darren.

 

Milky,
I agree with you, on tight corners the punch from the turbo lights the tyres up (even with slicks, the chicane before the start finish straight at Dono was a pig for me), but if they are fast sweepers, then I have no problems with "getting it down". In fact I'm looking foward to the track day at Snetterton where their is enough straight bits for me to get my revenge....
LOL
Mike

 

Jeez, you're not kidding that they're touchy. Still, does 'em good.

 

If I'm not busy, I'll see if I can get down for that one. When is it ?

Darren.

 

Is Stef going down to Snetterton ?

'Let battle commence !!!'

Darren.

 

Is Stef going down to Snetterton ?

'Let battle commence !!!'

Darren.

 

Snetterton is a TBA, but according to Pete Croney, there should be one this year...

 

"SORRY OFFICER, CAN YOU SPEAK UP A BIT, I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE ANTI-LAG SYSTEM!"

 

The LTR/Trackstar have arranged some track days at Snetterton on May 14th and Nov 26th, which I hope to attend.
Contact darin@darin.f9.co.uk for more info on Trackstars forthcoming events.

Stef.
PS I'm off to check out Porkie Land!!

[This message has been edited by Stef (edited 17-03-2000).]