Things NOT to tell a Policeman (funny)
14 March 2000, 02:46 PM
#1
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: Surferk
Posts: 2,464
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Found this on a Porsche BB. Well it made me laugh.
Mark
Things NOT to tell a Policeman:
l. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are you Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the boot, are you?
8. I pay your salary.
9. Thanks, officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too.
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me
they are.
12. When the officer says "Sir, your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" you probably shouldn't respond with,
"Officer, your eyes looked glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
Mark
Things NOT to tell a Policeman:
l. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are you Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the boot, are you?
8. I pay your salary.
9. Thanks, officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too.
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me
they are.
12. When the officer says "Sir, your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" you probably shouldn't respond with,
"Officer, your eyes looked glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
14 March 2000, 02:58 PM
#2
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,001
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Excellent Mark..
How about;
You don't need to see my identification,
these aren't the droids you're looking for...
"Why are you driving if you've been drinking?" Sorry Occifer, I was to pished to wwwalk
"Have you been drinking?" I haven't had a c*nt all night Drinkstable
and of course...shouldn't you be doing something better, like catching real criminals...
How about;
You don't need to see my identification,
these aren't the droids you're looking for...
"Why are you driving if you've been drinking?" Sorry Occifer, I was to pished to wwwalk
"Have you been drinking?" I haven't had a c*nt all night Drinkstable
and of course...shouldn't you be doing something better, like catching real criminals...
14 March 2000, 04:05 PM
#3
Scooby Senior
Join Date: Jun 1999
Posts: 3,410
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
"Of course it isn't my car, do you really think I'd drive my own car like that!"
"Yes I do officer, it's 30Mph, but I really don't give * * * ** * ** * *!"
Response to standard issue "I know this is a fast car sir but..." opening line: "Sorry officer, you simply don't have a clue how fast it really is, you are just being your usual patronising self trying to create an authorative image with your condascending and uneducated remarks! You will probably need to borrow a dictionary now, here you are!"
In a camp tone say "Oh, I like a man in uniform!"
"Yes I do officer, it's 30Mph, but I really don't give * * * ** * ** * *!"
Response to standard issue "I know this is a fast car sir but..." opening line: "Sorry officer, you simply don't have a clue how fast it really is, you are just being your usual patronising self trying to create an authorative image with your condascending and uneducated remarks! You will probably need to borrow a dictionary now, here you are!"
In a camp tone say "Oh, I like a man in uniform!"
14 March 2000, 04:38 PM
#4
Mark,
We did a similar thing in our newsletter after I won the Revs top-speed shoot-out achieving a verified 172mph:
1. What took you so long?
2. Is one of my lights out? (In repsonse to "Do you know why I stopped you?").
3. If you're quick, we'll still be able to see the turbo glowing!
4. Did you get that flameout on video? If so can I have a copy?
5. I have no idea of the speed officer, I was watching the boost gauge...
6. I can't switch it off, I've got to let the turbo cool down.
7. I only pulled over'cos I thought you were an ambulance.
8. I still had another 700 revs to go....
9. What did you have on you speedo, as mine under-reads?
10. I was testing the the theory behind gatsos (that if you go past one at over 155mph you are out of frame for the second photo needed to convict...)
11. Is there any chance you'll let me off?
12. I was trying to better the speed I achieved at Bruntingthorpe.
13. Will I get on the front page of "The Sun"?
We did a similar thing in our newsletter after I won the Revs top-speed shoot-out achieving a verified 172mph:
1. What took you so long?
2. Is one of my lights out? (In repsonse to "Do you know why I stopped you?").
3. If you're quick, we'll still be able to see the turbo glowing!
4. Did you get that flameout on video? If so can I have a copy?
5. I have no idea of the speed officer, I was watching the boost gauge...
6. I can't switch it off, I've got to let the turbo cool down.
7. I only pulled over'cos I thought you were an ambulance.
8. I still had another 700 revs to go....
9. What did you have on you speedo, as mine under-reads?
10. I was testing the the theory behind gatsos (that if you go past one at over 155mph you are out of frame for the second photo needed to convict...)
11. Is there any chance you'll let me off?
12. I was trying to better the speed I achieved at Bruntingthorpe.
13. Will I get on the front page of "The Sun"?
14 March 2000, 07:39 PM
#5
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Jan 1999
Posts: 544
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Or how about.
"F**k off you jumped up little pr**k. WHy don't you go and catch real crooks etc etc"
Psychology in action!
Still a bit touchy about my last ticket. Need more pills....must kill plod...
"F**k off you jumped up little pr**k. WHy don't you go and catch real crooks etc etc"
Psychology in action!
Still a bit touchy about my last ticket. Need more pills....must kill plod...
14 March 2000, 09:22 PM
#6
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Feb 1999
Location: Lots of different places! (Thank you Mr. Lambert)
Posts: 3,037
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
In response to "Have you been drinking Sir?"
"Of course I have, you don't think I drive as badly as this when I'm sober do you?"
Regards,
Tiggers
"Of course I have, you don't think I drive as badly as this when I'm sober do you?"
Regards,
Tiggers
Trending Topics
15 March 2000, 09:35 AM
#9
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Jul 1999
Posts: 278
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Mike, just looking at that Speed run in Rev's last night (stopped buying it just after that). Kicked everyone's butt by quite a margin, if I remember correctly.
Mod's to your car took half a page !!!
Weren't you running low boost as well (or lower than you could) ???
Darren.
Mod's to your car took half a page !!!
Weren't you running low boost as well (or lower than you could) ???
Darren.
15 March 2000, 10:11 AM
#10
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Feb 1999
Location: Shropshire
Posts: 2,375
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
How about
"please accept this free CD copy of software my company has just produced to allow the tracing of your family tree with only certain knowledge of the distaff side."
Then bung 'em a blank.
"please accept this free CD copy of software my company has just produced to allow the tracing of your family tree with only certain knowledge of the distaff side."
Then bung 'em a blank.
15 March 2000, 10:51 AM
#11
hows about,
"No i did not jump on the brakes and lock the tyres up when i saw you hiding in the layby" "what you saw and heard was me coming off the throttle, the nose of the car diving and the sound was the waiste gate dumping 24PSI of boost" quickly followed by "go on then, give me the caution"
oops
"No i did not jump on the brakes and lock the tyres up when i saw you hiding in the layby" "what you saw and heard was me coming off the throttle, the nose of the car diving and the sound was the waiste gate dumping 24PSI of boost" quickly followed by "go on then, give me the caution"
oops
15 March 2000, 11:50 AM
#12
Milky,
No I was using full boost (just the magazine printed the wrong figure) and had they put the full spec (which again had LOADS of errors in - despite me providing them with a copy), it would have taken a whole page in itself (with no room for photos!).
However, there was more to come (700 more revs to be precise), but they wouldn't move the timing lights any further down the track due to the other cars not having as good brakes and that it was also wet (something about "running out of braking area".....)
LOL
Mike
No I was using full boost (just the magazine printed the wrong figure) and had they put the full spec (which again had LOADS of errors in - despite me providing them with a copy), it would have taken a whole page in itself (with no room for photos!).
However, there was more to come (700 more revs to be precise), but they wouldn't move the timing lights any further down the track due to the other cars not having as good brakes and that it was also wet (something about "running out of braking area".....)
LOL
Mike
15 March 2000, 09:20 PM
#19
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Jan 2000
Posts: 736
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
You think their touch now...just wait till CK1 finds out about this board
laters
fris......
by the way Mik....sorry I meant <B>Cosworths eat Porkers</B> Whats this I hear about Penni's soon to be released website having a section dedicated to your flame spitting Saffy Cosworth???
laters
fris......
by the way Mik....sorry I meant <B>Cosworths eat Porkers</B>
Whats this I hear about Penni's soon to be released website having a section dedicated to your flame spitting Saffy Cosworth???
16 March 2000, 09:14 AM
#21
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Jul 1999
Posts: 278
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Your 172mph Mike made the only Scooby 145mph look very feeble, but then again I think we all recognise the power of your beast in a 'straight line'... 
A few corners and that would be a different matter...
Darren.
A few corners and that would be a different matter...
Darren.
16 March 2000, 09:19 AM
#22
Milky,
I agree with you, on tight corners the punch from the turbo lights the tyres up (even with slicks, the chicane before the start finish straight at Dono was a pig for me), but if they are fast sweepers, then I have no problems with "getting it down". In fact I'm looking foward to the track day at Snetterton where their is enough straight bits for me to get my revenge....
LOL
Mike
I agree with you, on tight corners the punch from the turbo lights the tyres up (even with slicks, the chicane before the start finish straight at Dono was a pig for me), but if they are fast sweepers, then I have no problems with "getting it down". In fact I'm looking foward to the track day at Snetterton where their is enough straight bits for me to get my revenge....
LOL
Mike
17 March 2000, 11:04 AM
#29
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Jan 2000
Posts: 3,055
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
The LTR/Trackstar have arranged some track days at Snetterton on May 14th and Nov 26th, which I hope to attend.
Contact darin@darin.f9.co.uk for more info on Trackstars forthcoming events.
Stef.
PS I'm off to check out Porkie Land!!
[This message has been edited by Stef (edited 17-03-2000).]
Contact darin@darin.f9.co.uk for more info on Trackstars forthcoming events.
Stef.
PS I'm off to check out Porkie Land!!
[This message has been edited by Stef (edited 17-03-2000).]
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
Phil3822
General Technical
0
30 September 2015 06:29 PM