Lydia72

That is more or less how she thinks, she is very positive and just gets on with things. I've known her a long time and have never once heard her complain about her lot.

The thing is she is getting to the age that all her friends are settling down, getting married etc and she doesn't want to be left behind. There's only so many times someone can get rejected and it not get them down.

I don't want to sound preachy and I know it's a huge thing for most people to even consider dating someone who is disabled, I totally get that. Just a shame, that's all.

Spoon

I understand what you're saying. However, the way these sites are run is of no importance to my original point. In fact, they couldn't be further away from what I have been referring to. I'm talking about physically injured people that can run their own lives and would be horrified at the thought of a care worker. That isn't to take the importance away of your wife's work but it is to clarify the difference between somebody unable to function on their own, needing a care worker, and someone who can.

The very same people I am referring to want to get on with life as close to their pre-accident status and that could mean running a multi-million pound company but just sitting down all day. Meeting women is no different to them as it was before their accident, certain access/time restrictions permitting.

Lydia72

That's not much of a gamble though is it?

Spoon

No, it isn't.

Spoon

Delcbr, would you like your own advice if you found yourself in a wheelchair after an accident? I mean you probably mean well but suggesting someone uses a "fun" way to attract a boy/girl friend just because they are in a wheelchair makes them sound like they're 6 years of age. It also smacks of pity and would be as welcome as piles. Unfortunately though, your well meaning but ill-thought out idea is rife.

A wheelchair per se doesn't mean you're simple, thick, poor or incapable. It might well mean you're just the opposite too, the wheelchair doesn't define the person. How many people do you, or anybody here for that matter, know with a few quid, their own business and involved in risky hobbies? They could very well be the next wheelchair user. Would you give them the same advice?

jods

I see your Business Cards and raise you Radar Ears.

fivetide

iTrader: (1)

I think we'll have to agree to disagree.

That blonde lass was the best example of what I was talking about and why I think the first part of this is wrong (the bit I have deleted).

The above para sayd "as close to" no matter how much they want to think things haven't changed, they have. It might take a while to see it but that's the case. The only thing stopping them from taking advantage of services like this is pride. I'd probably be the same if it was me but it doesn't mean that the services offered are wrong and they are certainly not made up of weirdos as you suggested.

Spoon

Of course we can agree to disagree but let me just tell you what I said in the paragraph you highlighted is fact, not made up, assumed or otherwise, but fact.

Your post doesn't actually make much sense or flow clearly with the thread but just to say of course things change, but often personalities change for the stronger, calmer, more measured and are less bothered with minor niggles that most people would consider a big problem. Yes, it is pride stopping someone mentally able joining a disabled dating service as much as it would be someone who has worked all their life having to sign-on. Neither examples are comfortable. It doesn't mean they are right either but it is the way it works. Why should the addition of a wheelchair mean you have to give in to a disabled way of thinking? Some do, I know lots that shiver at the thought.

I never said the disabled dating services were made up of weirdos. I said "anything set-up for something specifically"' in that I could have referred to car clubs too etc.

On the one hand you say you'd struggle joining up if necessary, Lydia who has excellent second-hand experience, MagePaster who has first-hand experience agree with me yet you say we should agree to disagree.

Lydia72

Able-bodied people with no experience of disabilities are not going to join a dating website for disabled people are they? It wouldn't even enter their heads.

So, for an able-bodied person to do that then yes I would think the same thing as Spoon; that they may have a fetish or be a bit weird.

TelBoy

I'm still struggling with the "under no circumstances" bit. That's a very strong statement. What first-hand experience do you have, Spoon, that can allow me to understand why it's the wrong choice, in every situation, for somebody with the positive outlook like Lydia's friend?

scoobynutta555

Pretty much my take on the matter. Harsh as it may sound, if I arranged to meet someone from a dating site and they turned up with a glaringly obvious physical difference from the norm shall we say, and they hadn't told me previously, that's kinda awkward. I have a very prominent facial scar which I make sure people know about before a date.

My last internet date was going swimmingly until she told me she could see and talk to dead people

About the point that she wouldn't date someone in a wheelchair herself sounds a bit strange. Maybe they don't see themselves as disabled and are independent too.

Lydia72

It's not that she'd rule it out completely. The problem is it's quite a small pool to choose from. I'm able-bodied and I wouldn't want to date someone a lot older or younger, or someone I didn't find attractive or who had different values or a vast difference in intelligence. I could go out tomorrow night and potentially meet any number of men who fit my conditions.
If I added to that I wanted them to be in a wheelchair the number would fall away drastically.

Just because someone is disabled does not mean they will automatically get on with someone else in a wheelchair, right? So my friend is casting her net wider to try and catch the best fish. Otherwise she might find that there is literally one bloke in a fifty mile radius (and he could be ginger )

What she has said is that if she could meet someone who was also in a 'chair the main problem would be getting around. At the moment she can't drive but even if she could what sort of car would fit two wheelchairs?
She currently uses public transport, buses usually have one wheelchair space, a lot of the time there will be a mother with a pram or buggy taking up that space so then it depends whether the bus driver will ask the mother to fold the buggy or get off the bus (sometimes resulting in my friend being sworn at, complained about etc).
So two wheelchair users together are going to have double the problems, that is her concern.

Jamz3k

I'd have no problem dating a physically disabled person to be honest. When I was going to the gym there was a girl who'd one leg that generally went swimming at the same times as me, she was immensely pretty but sadly way out of my league.

Mentally disabled though? I dunno. Dealing with my own problems is hard enough.

scoobynutta555

I'm not in the field as it were, but surely for transport there must be easily folded wheelchairs about.

Regarding the pool of dates being smaller, not necessarily. Perhaps the other disabled people on the site would be more willing to date someone in a wheelchair. In any case, what's she got to lose?