Reward for Raoul Moat.
Even Greggs have jumped on the bandwagon and are cashing in on their new pastry snack. It's thick as fcuck, meaty and has a hint of ginger. Sausage Raouls are now on sale for 49p.
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 478
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From: Cumbrian Scoobs
Ministers say they sent in the police, instead of the SAS or Paras following an extensive training exercise.
The details of the exercise have been leaked to the press:
The ministers ask the SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the Police to go into the woods at night and catch a rabbit. This will determine the most suitable organization to catch the fugitive.
Night falls.
First up - the SAS. They don infrared goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by the unmistakable muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark silenced "double-tap". They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly between the eyes.
"Excellent!" remarks the trainer.
Next up - the Paras. They finish their cans of lager, smear themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of rifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades, mortar bombs and blood curdling war cries. Eventually they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.
"A bit messy, but you achieved the aim; well done", says the trainer.
Lastly, in go the coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie "Sierra Lima Whisky Tango Fanta One, suspect headed straight for you..." etc. After what seems an eternity, they emerge escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the incredulous trainer, "Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit like I asked you five hours ago!".
The coppers look at each other and shrug. Back they go. Hours pass. The next morning, they emerge from the woods, holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in bruises, one eye nearly shut.
The coppers nudge the squirrel, who squeaks:
"Alright, alright, I confess - I'm a rabbit!"
The details of the exercise have been leaked to the press:
The ministers ask the SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the Police to go into the woods at night and catch a rabbit. This will determine the most suitable organization to catch the fugitive.
Night falls.
First up - the SAS. They don infrared goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by the unmistakable muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark silenced "double-tap". They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly between the eyes.
"Excellent!" remarks the trainer.
Next up - the Paras. They finish their cans of lager, smear themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of rifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades, mortar bombs and blood curdling war cries. Eventually they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.
"A bit messy, but you achieved the aim; well done", says the trainer.
Lastly, in go the coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie "Sierra Lima Whisky Tango Fanta One, suspect headed straight for you..." etc. After what seems an eternity, they emerge escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the incredulous trainer, "Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit like I asked you five hours ago!".
The coppers look at each other and shrug. Back they go. Hours pass. The next morning, they emerge from the woods, holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in bruises, one eye nearly shut.
The coppers nudge the squirrel, who squeaks:
"Alright, alright, I confess - I'm a rabbit!"
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,446
Likes: 0
From: Sunderland
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 13,707
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From: Over Here
Ministers say they sent in the police, instead of the SAS or Paras following an extensive training exercise.
The details of the exercise have been leaked to the press:
The ministers ask the SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the Police to go into the woods at night and catch a rabbit. This will determine the most suitable organization to catch the fugitive.
Night falls.
First up - the SAS. They don infrared goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by the unmistakable muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark silenced "double-tap". They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly between the eyes.
"Excellent!" remarks the trainer.
Next up - the Paras. They finish their cans of lager, smear themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of rifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades, mortar bombs and blood curdling war cries. Eventually they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.
"A bit messy, but you achieved the aim; well done", says the trainer.
Lastly, in go the coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie "Sierra Lima Whisky Tango Fanta One, suspect headed straight for you..." etc. After what seems an eternity, they emerge escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the incredulous trainer, "Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit like I asked you five hours ago!".
The coppers look at each other and shrug. Back they go. Hours pass. The next morning, they emerge from the woods, holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in bruises, one eye nearly shut.
The coppers nudge the squirrel, who squeaks:
"Alright, alright, I confess - I'm a rabbit!"
The details of the exercise have been leaked to the press:
The ministers ask the SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the Police to go into the woods at night and catch a rabbit. This will determine the most suitable organization to catch the fugitive.
Night falls.
First up - the SAS. They don infrared goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by the unmistakable muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark silenced "double-tap". They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly between the eyes.
"Excellent!" remarks the trainer.
Next up - the Paras. They finish their cans of lager, smear themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of rifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades, mortar bombs and blood curdling war cries. Eventually they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.
"A bit messy, but you achieved the aim; well done", says the trainer.
Lastly, in go the coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie "Sierra Lima Whisky Tango Fanta One, suspect headed straight for you..." etc. After what seems an eternity, they emerge escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the incredulous trainer, "Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit like I asked you five hours ago!".
The coppers look at each other and shrug. Back they go. Hours pass. The next morning, they emerge from the woods, holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in bruises, one eye nearly shut.
The coppers nudge the squirrel, who squeaks:
"Alright, alright, I confess - I'm a rabbit!"
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pslewis
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Mar 15, 2003 11:36 PM
