Jer

My dad was the same with me always trying to knock my confidence as a kid / teenager calling me stupid etc. I never did get to the bottom of it but loosing his mum at 9 may have had something to do with it.
I got kicked out by him at 19 and had a few years of not saying very much to him. I'm 35 now and we speak but I wish we had a better relationship. Even now after being quite successful in life (even compared to my dad) he still has a dig occasionally.
I have a 6 year old son now who is full of confidence, I would never try and knock him down like my dad did with me.

chocolate_o_brian

iTrader: (22)

I never really knew my real father as he was in the army when I was born and didn't really have a relationship with my mother. He diceded it was best to move on as my mum met my then step father when I was a round 2. What a mistake. 15 years of mental and physical abuse (I won't go into details as its kinda upsetting), ended up in suicide attempts just before I turned 17. My mother left him and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I came out of my shell, discovered confidence in drawing etc and used it as my "rock" so to speak, to build a personality on.

So I never had a relationship with either of them, but respect my biological father more for at least leaving me to my devices. The other ****, well he never had time for me, I wasn't "his" but my bro was so guess who got the attention, praise, presents etc. The only good thing that came out of the years of torment were that I would and will NEVER treat any child (mine or other) in that way.

O.P. I like others suggest youlook for a flat or something to move into, maybe with a mate or girlfriend and see how it goes. Obviously your father is totally different to my "step father", so you could regain some of that relationship with him. Hope it works out for you anywho.

Lisawrx

iTrader: (1)

To the OP, you have more or less described my relationship with my Dad at about a similar age. Although he didn't really knock my confidence, he certainly didn't like that I was becoming my own person with my own (different) opinions, and that caused many fights.

In the end, my Mam and Dad split, and he moved out and truthfully my home environment became much happier as I could be myself (Mam respected my right to think for myself). Unfortunately, during the split it put even more strain on the relationship between Dad and I. It's still not right at all now years down the line. We rarely see each other, and tbh, I sometimes find it sad but I think he's moved on and isn't too bothered, plus I think he still harbours feelings from when they split, thinking I took sides etc.

I can't offer much advice, but do what I didn't and talk to him and tell him how he makes you feel. It just might make a difference, as he may not realise the effect he is having on you. Don't attack him, just talk calmly and let him say his side as well. Even if you decide to move out, it could still be worth it rather than risking losing any relationship you do have, it could even improve things.

What you don't want is to have a falling out now/lose touch, only to regret it later when it's too late. It all comes down to how bothered you are.

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

My dads great, he always worked hard when we were kids so we didn't do as much stuff as some did but he was pretty cool, he wasn't an embarrassing dad, all my mates dads were ok generally but a lot were bloody old men who worse suits.

We get on well now, see him once or twice a week, and my mum, been dead lucky really !

My father in law can be the life and soul but also can be bloody hard work, mother in law pretty easy going and looks after us, again, been pretty lucky.

The Trooper 1815

iTrader: (31)

I was the youngest of six, three of each. My old man was my hero, he started work down the mines at 14 left after 33 years to work in the steelworks.

When I hit 15 (1979) he said that all the local industry would be on it's knee's soon and suggested I join the Army like my eldest brother.

I did at 16 and a few months. Unknown to me he had been ill for quite some time. 4 weeks after I joined he died.

I still miss him to this day (45 now and still in). You can pick your friends but not your family!

Me and my youngest daughter did the same sort of thing when she was your age. She's got her own place now. We get on like a house on fire, but she's always home when there's dramas to see what "Pops" as got to say.

You never know what you have til it's gone.

Leslie

You are absolutely right there. I forgot to say that I really wish my parents were still around!

Les

GStar

This is a really sad read - I suppose I'm lucky that my parents are still around and I had a great childhood but we do still take each other for granted. As a mum now I can only hope that my daughters enjoy the same quality time with their mum and dad that I got.

@ GlesgaKiss I have to agree with lots of comments on here and what you say yourself that it's probably time to move out. Family dynamics change when instead of adults and kids in the house it's all adults. It makes all the difference when you're able to keep your distance now and again!! Hope it all works out.....

Gail

dazdavies

iTrader: (22)

My Dad is the best bloke in the world always has been always will be and to this day I don't respect anyone more than I do him.

As a kid he was my hero, he was always there for me and I dread the day he no longer is. I'm not scared of anything but that!!

I left home at 18 and joined the forces and was always welcomed home when I had the opportunity. When I left the forces I ended up living back at my parents place whilst I studied at uni. This was a really difficult period in my relationship with my parents as we clashed many times, sometimes over the silly little things. I had four years at home and the last year was horrendous, I was under pressure with exams and wanting to do well and Dad had just retired. We were at each others throats all the time. Not fighting (we both had a mutual respect there) but verbal battles. I finally decided enough was enough and raked up enough cash to rent somewhere until I finished Uni.

Shortly after, my parents moved away and I dissappeared to the otherside of the world working for a few years. This time away from them did us all the world of good. I moved back to the UK in 2000 and now live about 10 miles from my mum and Dad.

My relationship with both of them has never been better. My advice is move out but dont break ties with them. A change will do you all the world of good. You may find your relationship with your father gets alot better.

Whatever you decide I wish you the best of luck.

Daz

tarmac terror

iTrader: (2)

I reckon all kids lock horns with their parents as they make the transition towards independence. Bear in mind there is no manual for parenthood most decent parents will do the best job they can, which will always be coloured in one way or another by their own upbringing and life experiences.

My father was a Royal Navy Officer, and my upbringing was quite regimented and strict. I often couldn't see things from his point of view or understand the reasoning behind many of his decisions which from my perspective impacted on my freedom during my late teenage years and we frequently argued. Now in my mid thirties, I see a lot of my father's values have been instilled in myself. While I didn't agree with him back then I can now understand his perspective more clearly and can see where his wisdom steered me on a safe course through many a minefield situation.

Sadly, we said goodbye one last time, in the early hours of Saturday 15th December 2007 as he lost a hard fought battle against Alzheimers disease. Although this evil disease stole from him his memories of the times we shared, they remain as clear in my own mind today as the day they were created.

Regardless of how much effort it takes, make time for your parents, get to know them and understand them. All too soon they will be gone.