the moose

My best one was "It's a lovely bike sir ..... wouldn't it be a shame if you couldn't ride it any more"

I then got a bollocking about speeding in that area, a warning, and was let off. This was for doing 110+ in a 60 zone; though the guy didn't clock me at that speed, it was pretty obvious that I was waaaay over the limit.

Brit_in_Japan

Former motor racing driver Sir Stirling Moss is warned by Pc Alun Evans against speeding out of Buckingham Palace, after he received his knighthood from the Prince of Wales at yesterday's Investitures at Buckingham Palace.

Motor racing legend Sir Stirling Moss slipped into the driving seat at Buckingham Palace after being knighted by the Prince of Wales.

After the investiture at Buckingham Palace he got into the driving seat of his Mercedes,...... I think you can guess the rest !

22/03/2000 Birmingham Post

GarethE

iTrader: (1)

I know this is supposed to be a comment that you have personally heard BUT I remember reading a line used on a Scoob owner after he was stopped...

"Sir, this may be a rally car, but you ain't Colin McRae..."

Can anyone confirm this, or is it a scooby urban legend ?

Class line, except McRae ended up with points after last years Wales Rally GB

unclebuck

Got caught red handed one night on the beach in St Ives completely pissed smoking a hash pipe. "This is it" I thought.

After a moment's thought the copper said "You're lucky. I have a bit of a cold at the moment and my nose is blocked, so I can't smell too well. So I suggest you get on your bike and f**k off back to where you came from...".

Needless to say I was most grateful and off up the road on me bike in seconds flat.

It was one of those things when, the next morning, you're not sure if it really happened. But, it did. Close call...

UB

hoskib

iTrader: (1)

none of this 'evening sir' business when i had my close call, was more along the lines of :-

'stop driving like a silly ****, we've got no idea how fast you were doing as we couldn't catch you' , followed by a BIG bollocking then '**** off now very slowly and don't even let me see you on the roads for the rest of the day'.

could've hugged the bloke coz i was driving a bit OTT and i'm sure he could have nicked me for something if he really wanted to. deffo restored a bit of faith in common sense policing.(although i'm sure he would have thrown the book at me if he had a camera on me)

turboman786

The best comment an officer ever said to me was," you're quite well spoken for an asian"...made me laugh but also highlighted his ignorance!

Jolly Green Monster

iTrader: (4)

That is outrageous!

JGM

hoskib

iTrader: (1)

cheeky ******* b'stard! should have told him he don't oink to well seeing as he's a pig

turboman786

Certainly was outrageous.......but i didnt get outraged as I was int he wrong at the time..besides which he meant it as a compliment!!

ALi-B

iTrader: (1)

I said "NO" - company pool car...so it really wasn't

.....that was a long night I can tell you

Mice_Elf

Looooong time ago I used to work with a chap called Karl and we were both IT civilians working for the police. Occasionally we would need to go off site and we were allowed to borrow one of the pool cars (not Battenburg'd obviously).

On this one occasion Karl was driving rather spiritedly and was pulled over. Policeman comes to the driver's window....

Policeman : Where are you going, Sir?
Karl : Luton Police Station
P : And where have you come from?
K : Police HQ in Kempston
P : And is this YOUR car, Sir?
K : No.
P : And who owns this car, Sir?
K : Bedford Police....

It took the producing of our ID cards and a call to HQ to verify that yes, we did work for the police, yes we were on our way to Luton and yes, we did have permission to drive a car owned by Beds Police.

ariel

From a very irate policeman with steam coming out of his orifices....
they'd already stopped some-one, it was dark and they heard the STi coming
but the blue flashing lights gave me warning just before the corner.

"Are we holding you up?! We in your way??!"
Me. "Ummm no." So I put it in gear and moved forward an inch or so...
Real steam now....
"What speed were you doing??!!
Me "30"
"You weren't! You were speeding!"
"No I don't think so"
"You were! We heard you!! What speed were you doing??!"
"I was watching the road not the speedo"
"You were speeding!!"
"No I don't think so, says I. "Come on, I didn't exactly come to a sliding halt. Did I?"
"BBBrakes on this vehicle are very superior!!!!!!"
"And anyway boy-racers are usually half your age!!!"

Shropshire-Guy

Got pulled in Scooby at 3 am in morning on way home from work. To say i was getting maximum MPG out of it was an understatment . I was only doing 40 on a open A road. I could see the garge in the distance for its fix of optimax and didn,t want fuel starvation. Anyway they pulled me. I asked why ii was being pulled over. There reply was
I WAS GOING TO SLOW . WTF.

He said we normaly have to chase these, so i made heads turn as i was in caravan towing mode

Dracoro

LOL That's a new one on me. We 'heard' you speeding So officer, how fast did you hear me going? Like to see that in court.

Poor Guy

heard you speeding ?! LOL

everyone expects me to come sliding sideways into school when they hear mine, but im only trunddling along. they get confused when explain its sounds as though its revving high due to it being a 6cyl.

Spoon

They get confused!!! wtf?

bladerider

My favourite wasn't a comment, but a facial expression.

24 years ago when I was stationed at RAF Henlow, I was a member of Bedford shooting club. I went shooting at the clubhouse indoor range every Friday evening. My mode of transport was a motorcycle. Anyway, the only way I could carry my S & W model 19, was in a shoulder holster. Can you see where I'm going with this story?
So anyway, I was only a couple of hundred yards from the clubhouse when I got pulled over by a lone motorcycle cop. Apparently there was a fight involving some bikers about an hour earlier. He wanted to search me, so before he started the search, I undid my jacket and showed him the .357 magnum. I then offered to hand him my firearm certificate but he just ran and hid behind his bike cowering in fear. I told him what I was doing and where I was going, but it took a while to convince him he wasn't in any danger. You should've seen his face.

DPat

Not a comment, just an experience

When I was a lad (not that long ago), I came cycling round the corner (on the footpath) into 2 officers.
After a long lecture from them on the dangers of cycling on the path and speeding round corners I was told to get on the road and cycle off, which I duly did.
They tried to pull me when I turned straight back onto the path – how else was I supposed to get back into mum and dad’s drive (a whole 6ft away)!

Should have heard dad lay into them as he saw the 2nd bit from the front room ;-)

DPat

DEEDEE

Saturday,, when all the Travellers took over Mansfield Leisure Centre car park I could not get out. When I confronted a Female P.C. who said they couldnt enter opened the barrier to let them enter. I exploded. She said "they have more rights than me". How does that work I had paid for a Bloody ticket, Taxes evey week, Tax on car, MOT and insurance and dont run on RED.

Buzzer

PMSL, some good one liners in this thread.

A mate of mine who is a copper was going into another town with a few of his mates on his stag do. The other lads were all in on the joke. They made him drive to the hotel where they were going to leave the car and get a taxi onwards.

So theres four coppers in the car with my mate driving. He got pulled over by a police car and got told he was speeding and he was going to get a ticket. He was livid

As the copper asked him to walk to the squad car he whispered something to my mate, he told me:

"You can imagine my shock when the copper dropped his trousers and offered me a way out of the speeding ticket"

andy97

iTrader: (1)

Hi This isnt mine, but a post from Pepipoo.com


While I was driving down the M1 the other day (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a Copper on the other side of it with a radar gun laying in wait.

The Copper pulled me over, walked up to the car and, with that classic, patronising smirk, asked "Runway too short?" to which I replied, "I'm late for work." The Copper asked me what I do for a living to which I replied, "I'm a rectum stretcher."

"A what? A rectum stretcher?? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, the three, then four, then with my whole hand in, I work it from side to side until I can get both hands in, then I slowly but surely stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet."

Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?"

My polite reply was "You give it a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Speeding Ticket £105.00

Court Costs £45.00

Look on Copper's face...

PRICELESS!!!!!!!!

john_s

iTrader: (1)

One of the guys at work was in his mate's car one night (a fair few years ago) & they got pulled. Copper comes to the window, and asks him to step out, which he does.

"Have you been drinking, sir?"

"Yes"

"How much have we had?"

"Several pints"

"In that case, sir, I'm arresting you for driving under the influence...."

"Can I just suggest, before you *really* embarrass yourself, that you go and have a look where the steering wheel is?"

They were in a LHD sportscar, and the copper had pulled my mate out of the passenger seat and hadn't realised.


The same guy's brother in law is a policeman in Bermuda. When another of his mates went to Bermuda on his honeymoon, he arranged for his mate to be detained at the airport, held for a few hours, then released "sorry sir, it must have been a mistake... oh and by the way, Les sends his regards!"

John.

astraboy

Copper - So you drive this fast then? (looking at my old 3-door Sierra Cosworth)
Me - Not on the queens highway!
Copper - Oh come on, its a Cosworth! you're not going to drive a Cosworth like a ***** now are you?
Me - Errrrrr.....

astraboy.

Buckrogers

My push bike got stolen off a balcony (3 floors up) when I was living in South Africa. Next day policeman said to my dad, "Do you own a gun?"

Not "best" comment but just shows what it was really like in 1985 in SA....

Regacy

"No sir, I think you'll find that 62 in a 40 DOES make you a proper criminal"

Mice_Elf

That's an OLD joke! I heard it when I was at school nearly 10 years ago!


Best expression I've seen on a policeman's face was when he pulled over a convoy of us on our way to Tewkesbury for a Mediaeval re-enactment weekend. He originally pulled over the bike at the front, who had a pike strapped to the bike in a custom made holster, a sword on his back (scabbarded with peace knot) and an axe on the other side of the bike.

As the bike was pulled over, we all pulled in behind. So there's now 1 policeman confronted with 4 cars worth of re-enactors and a bike. Didn't believe us when we told him where we were going and called in for re-enforcements to search the cars.

Fortunately the re-enforcements were a little more experienced and realised that as soon as they opened the boot of one car (estate) that the plethora of bows, crossbows, swords, daggers, maces, axes, pikes and knives did fit in with the other stuff in the other cars of camping gear, armour and general paraphernalia. We could also produe the MSS membership cards as well.

The expression on their faces when they first opened the boot and saw the weaponry was classic though.

On the down side, they kept us talking for nearly an hour as they were really interested. They even popped down on the Sunday on their day off to watch!

messiah

Both of these in the scoob...

Officer - "Nothing to worry about, just thought I'd let you know you've a rear foglamp out"
Me - "How can you tell? I only have 1, so if it was out how did you know it was even switched on?"

Officer - "Do you know how fast you were going?" (He was standing a recovery truck in the road, no gun etc)
Me - "Yes - 45 according to that" (50 zone) pointing at the Origin B2 sat on the dash. I would have given up a ******** if I'd been able to answer to decimal places...
Officer - "Oh I think it was a bit more than that!"
Me - "How could you tell when you're stood behind a truck?"

Mate got pulled up, he wound the window down and said "Evening Occifer..."

Another mate got pulled in his XR2 - "You got wings on this thing son?"
"no, why?"
"cos you were ******* flyin' there weren't you?"

ianc

Mate of mine got pulled in his Tuscan by a group of officers on foot patrolling a busy nightlife. We had just come up a narrow road with high buildings so admittedly the carbon cans were making a bit of noise.. officer steps out into road with hand outstretched, accuses him of speeding, "sounded like you were speeding" etc....

He let him off with a producer, but looking round the car checking everything out, a WPC asked my mate to explain the meaning of his numberplate.

"BLOW BB" (we'll say BB was his initials) - he squirmed somewhat trying to concentrate on the initials and not the instruction that was intended

wwp8

when they say move along nothing to see,
you should hand him a fiver, you get a guided tour

chiark

[quote] and not the instruction that was intended[quote]

Hmm, Blowdog could really have some problems with his number plate.

Classic thread this