Best (real) comment you've personally heard a copper make...
07 April 2004, 03:42 PM
#32
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got stopped by a copper who proceded to tell me i had a fog lamp out.
me "how can you tell? I've only got one - if it's out, how did you know I even had them switched on?"
also hit wing mirrors with a bloke a few weeks ago, who reported me. during interview copper says "the gentleman is upset you didn't go to speak with him, but nothing to worry about - he's a f*cking *****..."
me "how can you tell? I've only got one - if it's out, how did you know I even had them switched on?"
also hit wing mirrors with a bloke a few weeks ago, who reported me. during interview copper says "the gentleman is upset you didn't go to speak with him, but nothing to worry about - he's a f*cking *****..."
07 April 2004, 03:52 PM
#33
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Not long passed my test (still in the wheel spining stage) - I was 'lighting them up' one day and piggies spotted me, pulled me over and said in the most patronising voice ever "Does daddy buy you those tyres?".
A mate was bumming a lift once - police pull them over, the driver winds down his window and gets straight in the coppers ribs "I'm ******* sick of this! Why don't you **** off and catch some proper ******* criminal", copper calmly replies "I am. You're under arrest on suspicion of supplying controlled substances....".
A mate was bumming a lift once - police pull them over, the driver winds down his window and gets straight in the coppers ribs "I'm ******* sick of this! Why don't you **** off and catch some proper ******* criminal", copper calmly replies "I am. You're under arrest on suspicion of supplying controlled substances....".
07 April 2004, 03:53 PM
#34
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some lad in town got pulled (going back about 5 years now) going down the road and this copper comes flying up to catch him up. on come the lights and say to him
"how fast were you going? we had to do 60mph to catch up up" (thisi s in a 30zone)
he politly said well I wasnt doing 60 then
at which the coppers had to let him go as they didnt know how fast he was going..lol
"how fast were you going? we had to do 60mph to catch up up" (thisi s in a 30zone)
he politly said well I wasnt doing 60 then
at which the coppers had to let him go as they didnt know how fast he was going..lol
07 April 2004, 03:56 PM
#36
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25 yr old lad walking home in Redditch, with a competition bow/ arrow pouch, coppers stop him & ask him his name..... answer........ Robin Hood
Copper arrests him; later released by his father Mr Graham Hood! true story, I kid u not!
Copper arrests him; later released by his father Mr Graham Hood! true story, I kid u not!
07 April 2004, 04:00 PM
#37
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"We've stopped you because a known disqualified driver is driving a car that fits the description of your car". A white Vauxhall hatchback, not exactly rare...
What he was really saying was:-
"We pulled you over because we saw you pull out of a pub carpark and when we followed, you didn't commmit a moving traffic offence, so we had to invent a reason to pull you - and this was the best we could come up with"
For the record I was sober and didn't even get breathalysed.
What he was really saying was:-
"We pulled you over because we saw you pull out of a pub carpark and when we followed, you didn't commmit a moving traffic offence, so we had to invent a reason to pull you - and this was the best we could come up with"
For the record I was sober and didn't even get breathalysed.
07 April 2004, 04:01 PM
#38
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I was asked "Do you know the speed limit on this road sir"
I replied.. well if I come off that roundabout really fast I can do 120MPH before the next one...
he was not amused
I replied.. well if I come off that roundabout really fast I can do 120MPH before the next one...
he was not amused
07 April 2004, 04:24 PM
#39
took a wrong turn in london and decided to double back. got to a junction on the A40 and thought this looks like a ****er to cross with no traffic lights. luckily there was a plod standing on corner. i asked "alright to turn right here?" to which he replied "it would be sir if you weren't going the wrong way down a one way street"
07 April 2004, 06:38 PM
#41
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Coming home one night after clubbing me and a couple of m8's are stopped by the police, who ask my m8, who's driving, the usual have you had a drink etc..
Then the conversation went like this:
copper "ok son, so what's your name?"
m8 "John Wain" (spelt correctly)
copper "sure you are, and i'm f*cking Clint Eastwood"
The copper was going to arrest him until my m8 showed him one of his credit cards with his name on, copper's face went bright red and he apologised for swearing!
Then the conversation went like this:
copper "ok son, so what's your name?"
m8 "John Wain" (spelt correctly)
copper "sure you are, and i'm f*cking Clint Eastwood"
The copper was going to arrest him until my m8 showed him one of his credit cards with his name on, copper's face went bright red and he apologised for swearing!
07 April 2004, 08:28 PM
#43
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LOL at some of these stories, class !
My own tale of woe comes from back when me and a bunch of mates were larking about doing 'drive-by shootings' with some water pistols, when I was about 18. Someone obviously thought the guns were real and must've called the cops. We were pootling down the road when suddenly an unmarked police Granada pulled a handbrake turn right in front of us, and before we knew it we were surrounded by armed police and looking down the barrels of a lot of MP5 submachine guns.
As the copper knelt on my back to ziptie me he came out with the priceless comment - 'If you'd pointed that thing at me I'd've blown your f**king head off'
My own tale of woe comes from back when me and a bunch of mates were larking about doing 'drive-by shootings' with some water pistols, when I was about 18. Someone obviously thought the guns were real and must've called the cops. We were pootling down the road when suddenly an unmarked police Granada pulled a handbrake turn right in front of us, and before we knew it we were surrounded by armed police and looking down the barrels of a lot of MP5 submachine guns.
As the copper knelt on my back to ziptie me he came out with the priceless comment - 'If you'd pointed that thing at me I'd've blown your f**king head off'
07 April 2004, 09:25 PM
#45
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Going to work very early one morning (4.30.A.M.) traffic cop after chaseing me in my M.G. Maestro(I Know) drive like a C*nt all the time do we.
Cheers
Colin
Made me laugh anyway, just bollocked me and let me on my way (bless him)
drive like a C*nt all the time do we.Cheers
Colin
Made me laugh anyway, just bollocked me and let me on my way
(bless him)
07 April 2004, 09:51 PM
#46
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In the early 80's as a poor student tootling home a *bit fast* on the old Honda 750 at about midnight. Blue lights, pull in and I get the "Who the hell do we think we are sir? Bl&&dy Barry Sheene ......"
I just groaned inwardly but was nice as pie and he let me off with a producer ... result ....
And he *obviously* knew about bikes as he looked at my tyres (it was also lashing down at the time) and said "Good job they're British tyres (I had Avons on). If they'd been Japanese you would have been off!"
Hmmm. Straight road, me in a straight line ..... no heavy braking ... I guessed he'd been watching too much CHIPs....
Dave
I just groaned inwardly but was nice as pie and he let me off with a producer ... result ....
And he *obviously* knew about bikes as he looked at my tyres (it was also lashing down at the time) and said "Good job they're British tyres (I had Avons on). If they'd been Japanese you would have been off!"
Hmmm. Straight road, me in a straight line ..... no heavy braking ... I guessed he'd been watching too much CHIPs....
Dave
07 April 2004, 10:48 PM
#48
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Had something similar Ali-B...
"My we have a fast car sir"
"Faster than yours" I replied.. "seeing as you only caught up due to road works.."
He was not impressed...
"My we have a fast car sir"
"Faster than yours" I replied.. "seeing as you only caught up due to road works.."
He was not impressed...
07 April 2004, 11:07 PM
#49
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My mate got pulled over one night and he had no tax. The copper noticed this and questioned him about it. My mate then started groveling:-
"Please don't do me for no tax, i'm joining the army in 3 weeks time and don't want to get in any sort of trouble" (true)
Copper:- "Why are you joining the army, why not the Navy?"
My mate:- "The Navy's for p00fs!!"
Copper:- "I used to be in the Navy, i'm doing you for no tax now"
He didn't though
"Please don't do me for no tax, i'm joining the army in 3 weeks time and don't want to get in any sort of trouble" (true)
Copper:- "Why are you joining the army, why not the Navy?"
My mate:- "The Navy's for p00fs!!"
Copper:- "I used to be in the Navy, i'm doing you for no tax now"
He didn't though
08 April 2004, 02:34 PM
#52
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One night i was driving home- its no right turn into my road, so you have to drive 100 yds, round a small roundabout and double back on yourself.
Traffic T5 saw me doubling back round the roundabout late one nite, then did a U turn, stuck the blues on and screamed up behind me and pulled me over about 20 yds from my house in my own road.
Cop-" why did you double back on yourself there son....?"
" i didnt want to turn right..."
Cop-"Looked to us like you were trying to avoid us......"
"id be happy to drive back down there and commit an offence by contravening the no right turn sign if you like......."
cop-"oh- no need to be sarcastic son..."
"i wasnt...........dad"
Dipsh*t
Also been pulled over in my road for number plate spacing- arrogant b@stard wouldnt let me walk 10 yds to go get my documents... so i signed the producer as 'Suck my *****'.
Traffic T5 saw me doubling back round the roundabout late one nite, then did a U turn, stuck the blues on and screamed up behind me and pulled me over about 20 yds from my house in my own road.
Cop-" why did you double back on yourself there son....?"
" i didnt want to turn right..."
Cop-"Looked to us like you were trying to avoid us......"
"id be happy to drive back down there and commit an offence by contravening the no right turn sign if you like......."
cop-"oh- no need to be sarcastic son..."
"i wasnt...........dad"
Dipsh*t
Also been pulled over in my road for number plate spacing- arrogant b@stard wouldnt let me walk 10 yds to go get my documents... so i signed the producer as 'Suck my *****'.
08 April 2004, 02:59 PM
#54
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Local CID chap, interviewing me round my house after my car had been nicked. To set the scene, they knew who'd done it as he had loads of previous. They raided the blokes house early next morning where along with him they found my jacket (which had been locked in the boot) hanging in his bedroom - with the screwdriver he'd used to break in still in the pocket.
"There isn't enough evidence to convict him, if you want i'll give you his address so you can sort him out yourself", "have a think about it and let me know - here's my card"
I think he was being serious too, after sleeping on it i declined his kind offer. I figured it'd be just my luck if someone else later gave him a kicking (or worse) and plod 'happened' to be watching his house...
"There isn't enough evidence to convict him, if you want i'll give you his address so you can sort him out yourself", "have a think about it and let me know - here's my card"
I think he was being serious too, after sleeping on it i declined his kind offer. I figured it'd be just my luck if someone else later gave him a kicking (or worse) and plod 'happened' to be watching his house...
08 April 2004, 03:13 PM
#56
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Never really had any sarky comments but whilst heading to my parents one evening about 11pm, away from where the car was registered a police car passed in the opposite direction, they did a u'ey and followed me for 2 - 3 miles at 30 mph.
Finally pulled me and the first thing they said.....
Thankyou for stopping sir...??!!! what were they doing waiting for me to get bored and decide to leave them standing...
Nice guy's though and nice comments on the car.... Glad to of been pulled to be honest...
Finally pulled me and the first thing they said.....
Thankyou for stopping sir...??!!! what were they doing waiting for me to get bored and decide to leave them standing...
Nice guy's though and nice comments on the car.... Glad to of been pulled to be honest...
08 April 2004, 03:15 PM
#57
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One of my mates got a pull for some enthusiastic country driving.
copper
"next time you approach the speed of sound sir, i suggest you consider flying"
my mate then got a boloking and followed home. with the one mistake and i,ll pull you routine...
copper
"next time you approach the speed of sound sir, i suggest you consider flying"
my mate then got a boloking and followed home. with the one mistake and i,ll pull you routine...
08 April 2004, 03:19 PM
#58
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Christmas day I was in the car with my Dad when we got pulled, just after pulling away. Dad got annoyed beofre they even came to the window.
Copper comes up "By the way mate your wheel trim just came off, there thats my good deed for the day done" and walks off.
Not particularly funny but I hate seeing the police slagged off all the time.
Copper comes up "By the way mate your wheel trim just came off, there thats my good deed for the day done" and walks off.
Not particularly funny but I hate seeing the police slagged off all the time.
08 April 2004, 03:25 PM
#59
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after having a slight altracation with a roundabout which resulted in two dinged rims on my wifes car
(smooth driving not) blamed bunny rabbits late night warning bollard missing etc
I limped to the next layby and jacked the car up and phoned swmbo and got the 3rd degree...
whilst waiting for my mate to turn up with a spare, iwas watching the traffic pass by ...
saw the federation starship pass on the opposite carrageway do a double clock and whip round the roundabout and pulled up int the layby behind me..
plod
"good evening sir had a bit of an accident",
Me
" yes, clipped the last roundabout bunny rabbits etc and bent two rims"
Copper
your car is it sir
Me
No its my wifes ...
Copper
does she know about this...
Me
Yes ive allready phoned her
copper
we,ll leave too it then sir...
and of they went
yes she was pi**ed off but we copped an new set of alloys out of it...
Mart
(smooth driving not) blamed bunny rabbits late night warning bollard missing etc
I limped to the next layby and jacked the car up and phoned swmbo and got the 3rd degree...
whilst waiting for my mate to turn up with a spare, iwas watching the traffic pass by ...
saw the federation starship pass on the opposite carrageway do a double clock and whip round the roundabout and pulled up int the layby behind me..
plod
"good evening sir had a bit of an accident",
Me
" yes, clipped the last roundabout bunny rabbits etc and bent two rims"
Copper
your car is it sir
Me
No its my wifes ...
Copper
does she know about this...
Me
Yes ive allready phoned her
copper
we,ll leave too it then sir...
and of they went
yes she was pi**ed off but we copped an new set of alloys out of it...
Mart
08 April 2004, 03:38 PM
#60
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Both on bikes.. had an RD125LC when I was 17 bought it already tuned up and sprayed in Wrangler colours.. stopped by Police car.. he checks it over.. and says "I know the previous owner, goes like **** off a shovel doesn't it"
Then bought a GSXR400R and went the day I picked it up with a mate to a carpark.. we were riding spiritedly around the supermarket carpark it was late and so deserted.. traffic car comes in.. usual what are you doing?
So I says exactly what we were doing "Getting used to the bike and manovouring it rather than on the road etc" and he then chats about the bike and I mention the previous owner was a lass.. and the copper says "Sniff the seat did you?"
Class..
JGM
Then bought a GSXR400R and went the day I picked it up with a mate to a carpark.. we were riding spiritedly around the supermarket carpark it was late and so deserted.. traffic car comes in.. usual what are you doing?
So I says exactly what we were doing "Getting used to the bike and manovouring it rather than on the road etc" and he then chats about the bike and I mention the previous owner was a lass.. and the copper says "Sniff the seat did you?"
Class..
JGM
Last edited by Jolly Green Monster; 08 April 2004 at 03:43 PM.