Todays Funny.
07 October 2008, 07:47 PM
#1
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
Todays Funny.
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given
their new wives duties.
Terry had married a woman from America , and bragged that he had
told his wife she needed to do all the dishes and housework. He said
that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a
clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
Jimmie had married a woman from Canada . He bragged that he had
given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes,
and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any
results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house
was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the
table.
The third man had married a Welsh girl. He boasted that he told
her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed,
laundry and ironing twice a week, lawns mowed, windows cleaned and
hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he
didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by
the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a
little out of his left eye, just enough to fix himself a bite to
eat, load the dishwasher, and call a handyman.
their new wives duties.
Terry had married a woman from America , and bragged that he had
told his wife she needed to do all the dishes and housework. He said
that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a
clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
Jimmie had married a woman from Canada . He bragged that he had
given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes,
and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any
results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house
was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the
table.
The third man had married a Welsh girl. He boasted that he told
her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed,
laundry and ironing twice a week, lawns mowed, windows cleaned and
hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he
didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by
the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a
little out of his left eye, just enough to fix himself a bite to
eat, load the dishwasher, and call a handyman.
08 October 2008, 01:56 PM
#3
Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt
to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
*******s.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems
to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird
has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards
regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have
arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
For now...
8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt
to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
*******s.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems
to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird
has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards
regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have
arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
For now...
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