Kewell Arrives.......................
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From: Birmingham
Picture the scene.................
Young Wizard Harry has just arrived at "Hogfield school for Wizards". He walks through the gates and is suddenly approached by a large terrifying looking giant.
GIANT: "Woooaaaaagh"
The giant falls to the ground and rolls about in agony for four or five minutes before noticing that nobody is paying him any attention. He stands up and speaks to Harry.
GIANT: "Errrrr, Hello, You must be Harry. We've been expecting you"
HARRY: "Hello Cobber, fair dinkums, you must be Amule Donkey, Ive heard so much about you. Is it all true ?"
AMULE: "Is what all true ? Woooooaaaaagh"
The giant falls over again and rolls around as Harry walks further into the interior of the Castle.
Next Harry spots a smaller creature with small beady eyes, a nasty looking scowl on his face and no discernable forehead.
HARRY: "Hello, I'm Harry, you must be one of the house trolls"
STEVEN GERRARD: "No I'm not, you dozy australian tw**."
Steven takes off the top of his shell suit and proceeds to attempt to strangle Harry with it before they get pulled apart by the headmaster Professor Dumbllier who's just turned up.
PROFESSOR DUMBLLIER: "Le calm down, Le calm down"
Steven is sedated with the aid of a cattle prod before Harry is ushered through to his new classroom to meet his future teammates.
PROFESSOR DUMBLLIER: “Le bon afternoon, mes young scouse Wizards, I must welcome today a nouveaux member of our academie, Monsieur Harry Scouser, a true naturalWizard. Now Harry, I would like you to show your classmates what you can do avec un football silvous plait”
HARRY: “Sorry Cobber, couldn’t understand a word”.
PROFESSOR DUMBLLIER: “Kick the ball please.”
HARRY: “Aaahh, fair dinkums”
Harry takes a run up to the ball, steps over it, sweeps his left leg around and knocks the ball onto his right knee. He then proceeds to juggle it, keeping it in the air while he runs around the classroom, dodging in between his fellow classmates, while all the time being perfectly in control of the ball. Harry then runs right up to the goal posts at the end of the room bounces the ball three times on his head before lashing a bullet like shot firmly at the goal from point blank range. The ball goes ten metres wide.
Amule : “Woooaaaaghh”
PROFESSOR DUMBLLIER: “Amule, for Gods sake, we’re not playing a match now, get up off the ground and stop interrupting the class.
“Well Harry, that was tres, tres, errr interesting but do you seriously think all that fancy stuff with little end product is going to do you much good”
HARRY: “Ha, ha, you obviously haven’t seen the size of the cheque I got from Adidas for this stuff”
Young Wizard Harry has just arrived at "Hogfield school for Wizards". He walks through the gates and is suddenly approached by a large terrifying looking giant.
GIANT: "Woooaaaaagh"
The giant falls to the ground and rolls about in agony for four or five minutes before noticing that nobody is paying him any attention. He stands up and speaks to Harry.
GIANT: "Errrrr, Hello, You must be Harry. We've been expecting you"
HARRY: "Hello Cobber, fair dinkums, you must be Amule Donkey, Ive heard so much about you. Is it all true ?"
AMULE: "Is what all true ? Woooooaaaaagh"
The giant falls over again and rolls around as Harry walks further into the interior of the Castle.
Next Harry spots a smaller creature with small beady eyes, a nasty looking scowl on his face and no discernable forehead.
HARRY: "Hello, I'm Harry, you must be one of the house trolls"
STEVEN GERRARD: "No I'm not, you dozy australian tw**."
Steven takes off the top of his shell suit and proceeds to attempt to strangle Harry with it before they get pulled apart by the headmaster Professor Dumbllier who's just turned up.
PROFESSOR DUMBLLIER: "Le calm down, Le calm down"
Steven is sedated with the aid of a cattle prod before Harry is ushered through to his new classroom to meet his future teammates.
PROFESSOR DUMBLLIER: “Le bon afternoon, mes young scouse Wizards, I must welcome today a nouveaux member of our academie, Monsieur Harry Scouser, a true naturalWizard. Now Harry, I would like you to show your classmates what you can do avec un football silvous plait”
HARRY: “Sorry Cobber, couldn’t understand a word”.
PROFESSOR DUMBLLIER: “Kick the ball please.”
HARRY: “Aaahh, fair dinkums”
Harry takes a run up to the ball, steps over it, sweeps his left leg around and knocks the ball onto his right knee. He then proceeds to juggle it, keeping it in the air while he runs around the classroom, dodging in between his fellow classmates, while all the time being perfectly in control of the ball. Harry then runs right up to the goal posts at the end of the room bounces the ball three times on his head before lashing a bullet like shot firmly at the goal from point blank range. The ball goes ten metres wide.
Amule : “Woooaaaaghh”
PROFESSOR DUMBLLIER: “Amule, for Gods sake, we’re not playing a match now, get up off the ground and stop interrupting the class.
“Well Harry, that was tres, tres, errr interesting but do you seriously think all that fancy stuff with little end product is going to do you much good”
HARRY: “Ha, ha, you obviously haven’t seen the size of the cheque I got from Adidas for this stuff”
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