Civic Type R
25 April 2003, 11:58 AM
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Hello plebs,
My name is Dan and I own a Honda Civic Type R. You'll probably have heard of me, I'm quite famous you know. I understand that your forum is for another, lesser, manufacturer but I felt compelled to tell you about myself and my car. You are, after all, disadvantaged by not owning one. LOL.
Let me tell you about my hero first though. The Great God Soichiro Honda. Many people worship false idols such as Jesus and Mohammed and other silly made-up minority religions, but I worship at my altar to the great god Soichiro. His divinity enlightens my life and I frequently try to convert others to my cause. Unfortunately, many of these infidels just shrug and laugh and this makes me SO ANGRY. How can people not see that the Great God Soichiro can do no wrong? How can these imbeciles DARE to drive other cars so blatantly, flouting everything I KNOW to be right and just. With this in mind I set off on my long and dangerous quest to convert all you ignorant scum to the Way Of Honda. Honda is God. VTEC is God. Honda is God. VTEC is God... Repeat this over and over you infidel.
Like me, you too should have an altar to the great and benevolent God in your house. You should be thankful to be sharing the same planet as his many masterpieces. You should be grateful for the incredible priveledge of being looked down upon by his high pries...salesmen, sorry, salesmen. I won't pretend it's been easy though and I have had to suffer for my beliefs. Indeed, mummy is constantly complaining about the smell coming from my altar and telling me that the dead sheep are a hazard to my health. How I laughed at her lack of intelligence. Compromise is always a good thing, though, and I am a reasonable boy...man, reasonable man. I did, after all, agree not to sacrifice that herd of cattle to my God on the understanding that she didn't phone social services. I loosened her bindings once I had calmed down. LOL.
Now let me enlighten you scum to my beloved CTR (that's what we "in the know" people call them). Of all the Great God's creations, this is his finest. It is so lovingly styled that I often sit there and envisage that it is like a beautiful women-the curves, the short squat nose, the big fat bottom... Indeed, how I laughed when one day I was daydreaming about it so much that I only awoke because the paramedic was trying to remove my private parts from the exhaust pipe. LOL. But it's beauty pails in comparison to its speed. It is SO fast. I laugh so often when other drivers think they can beat me. Do they believe car magazines? They are all liars, accepting bribes from other, lesser, manufacturers to berate my beloved Honda. Scum! It really can do 0-60 in 0.0052 secs. It can. 0-100 in 1.207 secs. Honestly. It does 256mph. It does. I measured them on my Mickey Mous...on my Omega chronograph. That's the watch James Bond uses don't you know. Though that pleb drives a mere Aston Martin. LOL. Idiot.
So fast is my CTR that it has won the Paris Dakar. It has. I dream about it whilst I'm putting the fries into the cardboard pouch. It has won the WRC two years in a row. I dream about it whilst putting the burger into the styrofoam container. It has won every Grand Prix ever, in 200 years, with me driving. I dream about it as I ask the infidel customer whether he wants regular or large. It has set the record on the Pike's Peak hillclimb. So much so that it went up and down 10 times before that amateur Ari Vattinen even got to the top once in his retarded Peugeot. LOL. I dream about it as I mop the floors of lettuce and special sauce at night, when the cretins go home at night in their Audis, BMWs, Subarus and Mitsubishis. HA. Pathetic. I could race them all and win. I am CTR DRIVER. They are scum. LOL. They are as bad as those horrid coloured people, or gay people, or women, or any of those people my other hero, Mr. Hitler, tried to rid us of. I often dream of a world where everyone is the same and everyone is driving a Honda on my way to schoo...work, on my way to work. Though we should keep the nice Japanese people so long as they agree to make Hondas and Playstations and comics, and sell schoolgirl's panties in little packets that you can hang up all round your bedroom wall and sniff each mornin...
I love my CTR and never intend to part with it. Every day I sit and drive it for hours on end, beating all comers, I just don't know where the time goes. Sometimes I even to forget to answer the door when mummy has phoned the envornmental health officers to disinfect me, again. What a card she is, LOL. Indeed, it is such a reliable car that I will never need to part with it. My own car has already passed 340,000 miles without ever needing a service. All I need do is change the settings in the options screen every so often, give it a wash and click the "oil change" button, and it carries on without a hiccup. Not only that, but it is so well built that it will never be tarnished by mere dents or chips. I've run it into many barriers, gravel traps, tyre walls and other cars on my many track and rally stage excursions (I am a multiple championship winner you know) and yet it still looks pristine. Such damage is impossible on CTRs you see. They are immortal. In all that time I've never even had to fill up with petrol either. Just press Start, then X, and off she goes.
Once you are converted then you too can join me at the sanctuary of enlightenment that is Honda Revolutions. There, you will find peace and harmony amongst others like me, where opinions are censored to make sure they are correct, and those that disagree are scorned and mocked despite having paid a £25 membership. LOL. How dare they disagree with the opinions of the elite priest...sorry, moderators, the moderators. There you will find glorious smugness in all things Honda. Come, be just like me. I know that seems difficult and out of reach of you puny mortals, but you can at least share the same forum as me. I know that may make you feel light headed and give you a strange feeling in your stomach, but that's OK, it's natural. Many other weaker minded forum users do. They tell me "Dan, you make me feel physically sick", such is the reverance they hold me in. Please take the time to look:
http://forum.hondarevolutions.com
My name is Dan and I own a Honda Civic Type R. You'll probably have heard of me, I'm quite famous you know. I understand that your forum is for another, lesser, manufacturer but I felt compelled to tell you about myself and my car. You are, after all, disadvantaged by not owning one. LOL.
Let me tell you about my hero first though. The Great God Soichiro Honda. Many people worship false idols such as Jesus and Mohammed and other silly made-up minority religions, but I worship at my altar to the great god Soichiro. His divinity enlightens my life and I frequently try to convert others to my cause. Unfortunately, many of these infidels just shrug and laugh and this makes me SO ANGRY. How can people not see that the Great God Soichiro can do no wrong? How can these imbeciles DARE to drive other cars so blatantly, flouting everything I KNOW to be right and just. With this in mind I set off on my long and dangerous quest to convert all you ignorant scum to the Way Of Honda. Honda is God. VTEC is God. Honda is God. VTEC is God... Repeat this over and over you infidel.
Like me, you too should have an altar to the great and benevolent God in your house. You should be thankful to be sharing the same planet as his many masterpieces. You should be grateful for the incredible priveledge of being looked down upon by his high pries...salesmen, sorry, salesmen. I won't pretend it's been easy though and I have had to suffer for my beliefs. Indeed, mummy is constantly complaining about the smell coming from my altar and telling me that the dead sheep are a hazard to my health. How I laughed at her lack of intelligence. Compromise is always a good thing, though, and I am a reasonable boy...man, reasonable man. I did, after all, agree not to sacrifice that herd of cattle to my God on the understanding that she didn't phone social services. I loosened her bindings once I had calmed down. LOL.
Now let me enlighten you scum to my beloved CTR (that's what we "in the know" people call them). Of all the Great God's creations, this is his finest. It is so lovingly styled that I often sit there and envisage that it is like a beautiful women-the curves, the short squat nose, the big fat bottom... Indeed, how I laughed when one day I was daydreaming about it so much that I only awoke because the paramedic was trying to remove my private parts from the exhaust pipe. LOL. But it's beauty pails in comparison to its speed. It is SO fast. I laugh so often when other drivers think they can beat me. Do they believe car magazines? They are all liars, accepting bribes from other, lesser, manufacturers to berate my beloved Honda. Scum! It really can do 0-60 in 0.0052 secs. It can. 0-100 in 1.207 secs. Honestly. It does 256mph. It does. I measured them on my Mickey Mous...on my Omega chronograph. That's the watch James Bond uses don't you know. Though that pleb drives a mere Aston Martin. LOL. Idiot.
So fast is my CTR that it has won the Paris Dakar. It has. I dream about it whilst I'm putting the fries into the cardboard pouch. It has won the WRC two years in a row. I dream about it whilst putting the burger into the styrofoam container. It has won every Grand Prix ever, in 200 years, with me driving. I dream about it as I ask the infidel customer whether he wants regular or large. It has set the record on the Pike's Peak hillclimb. So much so that it went up and down 10 times before that amateur Ari Vattinen even got to the top once in his retarded Peugeot. LOL. I dream about it as I mop the floors of lettuce and special sauce at night, when the cretins go home at night in their Audis, BMWs, Subarus and Mitsubishis. HA. Pathetic. I could race them all and win. I am CTR DRIVER. They are scum. LOL. They are as bad as those horrid coloured people, or gay people, or women, or any of those people my other hero, Mr. Hitler, tried to rid us of. I often dream of a world where everyone is the same and everyone is driving a Honda on my way to schoo...work, on my way to work. Though we should keep the nice Japanese people so long as they agree to make Hondas and Playstations and comics, and sell schoolgirl's panties in little packets that you can hang up all round your bedroom wall and sniff each mornin...
I love my CTR and never intend to part with it. Every day I sit and drive it for hours on end, beating all comers, I just don't know where the time goes. Sometimes I even to forget to answer the door when mummy has phoned the envornmental health officers to disinfect me, again. What a card she is, LOL. Indeed, it is such a reliable car that I will never need to part with it. My own car has already passed 340,000 miles without ever needing a service. All I need do is change the settings in the options screen every so often, give it a wash and click the "oil change" button, and it carries on without a hiccup. Not only that, but it is so well built that it will never be tarnished by mere dents or chips. I've run it into many barriers, gravel traps, tyre walls and other cars on my many track and rally stage excursions (I am a multiple championship winner you know) and yet it still looks pristine. Such damage is impossible on CTRs you see. They are immortal. In all that time I've never even had to fill up with petrol either. Just press Start, then X, and off she goes.
Once you are converted then you too can join me at the sanctuary of enlightenment that is Honda Revolutions. There, you will find peace and harmony amongst others like me, where opinions are censored to make sure they are correct, and those that disagree are scorned and mocked despite having paid a £25 membership. LOL. How dare they disagree with the opinions of the elite priest...sorry, moderators, the moderators. There you will find glorious smugness in all things Honda. Come, be just like me. I know that seems difficult and out of reach of you puny mortals, but you can at least share the same forum as me. I know that may make you feel light headed and give you a strange feeling in your stomach, but that's OK, it's natural. Many other weaker minded forum users do. They tell me "Dan, you make me feel physically sick", such is the reverance they hold me in. Please take the time to look:
http://forum.hondarevolutions.com
25 April 2003, 12:04 PM
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I like V-tech Hondas, in fact I like all fast cars. I'm glad you've found your own personal Nirvana.
You sound a bit mad though!
edited to add: I thought Integra R's were better than CTR's?
I'll have an NSX type R please if the lord is feeling generous
[Edited by NACRO - 4/25/2003 12:06:12 PM]
You sound a bit mad though!
edited to add: I thought Integra R's were better than CTR's?
I'll have an NSX type R please if the lord is feeling generous
[Edited by NACRO - 4/25/2003 12:06:12 PM]
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25 April 2003, 01:57 PM
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Been driving an accord type r for a week...and to be honest I just cant see wht the fuss is all about...they aint all that at all....as for CTRs.....hmmm....
25 April 2003, 02:40 PM
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Pie-N-Chips: Don't forget these are Scooby owners, if the power isn't all delivered by 5.5k then they change up. They will never understand the joy of VTEC 
(or i-VTEC!)
Great post though!
Gave me a Friday afternoon laugh
This guy (10p) is (unless I am mistaken) one of the biggest Honda fans there is. He's done about 60k in his in around 18 months which has to be pretty much a record. When Honda gave the 90k/3yr warranty I'm sure they didn't expect anyone to go through it that quickly!
Laurence
(or i-VTEC!)Great post though!
Gave me a Friday afternoon laugh
This guy (10p) is (unless I am mistaken) one of the biggest Honda fans there is. He's done about 60k in his in around 18 months which has to be pretty much a record. When Honda gave the 90k/3yr warranty I'm sure they didn't expect anyone to go through it that quickly!
Laurence
25 April 2003, 03:39 PM
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Yup, the forum can be a bit like that although the above attitude is usually thrown at Civic Type R drivers from the accord guys n gals, quite strange really, a bit like an RB5 owner saying all the classic scoobs are crap !!
Personally i think they are both great cars, and not that different really !!
Fair play to the 60k in three months chap, does he just not sleep or what ??
Phill
Personally i think they are both great cars, and not that different really !!
Fair play to the 60k in three months chap, does he just not sleep or what ??
Phill
25 April 2003, 04:55 PM
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dont know about anyone else, and i appreciate the attempt at sarcasm but dont you find things like this just a bit embarrasing. sarcastic fair enough but does this kid go on and on or what... a couple of carefully selected sentences would always be more effective as "sarcastic" rather than some essay... although i suppose we have to consider the odd types on the Honda-R board who clearly love this guy. Maybe if they got out more ...
Well done young man !! :S
Well done young man !! :S
25 April 2003, 04:57 PM
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Well we don't get out much as we used to in our younger years
Now where did i put me pipe n slippers?
Now where did i put me pipe n slippers?
25 April 2003, 05:13 PM
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you see pie i can tell straight away from your reply that you must be a Honda-R regular. Obviously these things are a funny to a few people i just find it a bit tedious hey-ho. Maybe i just dont suit owning a Honda ... how much is an Sti these days
25 April 2003, 05:23 PM
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Going back to the accord type r......I just felt that it had such a small performance 'window' ie the vtec range is tiny and is almost useless, the car has very little torque, and the engine sounds so dull and lifeless except when in the vtec zone...and even then its hardly rapid by any standards
and.....I was shocked at how thirsty it was, even with mixed driving it rarely returned 25mpg, and plodding roundtown it was doin 20ish mpg....I was expecting 30+ all the time from such an apparently efficient engine.......
Further more, the brakes are very soft for a 'performance' car
Styling wise, the 17s look tiny on such a big car, and the wing just looks out of place on an otherwise plain looking car...
Plus points are fantastic recaro seats, good grip, steering feel, neat dials, and cool xenon lights
But overall I felt it was a very disappointing car. Ive never driven a CTR, although I guess due their size etc they are more sporty, but I conclude that vtec is not for me.....
and.....I was shocked at how thirsty it was, even with mixed driving it rarely returned 25mpg, and plodding roundtown it was doin 20ish mpg....I was expecting 30+ all the time from such an apparently efficient engine.......
Further more, the brakes are very soft for a 'performance' car
Styling wise, the 17s look tiny on such a big car, and the wing just looks out of place on an otherwise plain looking car...
Plus points are fantastic recaro seats, good grip, steering feel, neat dials, and cool xenon lights
But overall I felt it was a very disappointing car. Ive never driven a CTR, although I guess due their size etc they are more sporty, but I conclude that vtec is not for me.....
25 April 2003, 05:50 PM
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Will the real 10 Pence please stand up? *Dan stands up, then realises he has to type so sits down again*
Hello everyone.
Well, my hat off to [insert name here] (though I assume my friend Ali might be responsible) for an amusing post.
Interesting to see that someone questioned the sanity of the poster, don't you think? Makes me look kind of, well, sane really. Unless you know me.
Nice to see I'm interesting enough to parady, though. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, do they not? Glad someone decided I am so important to them that they had to sit and write about me to a bunch of people who've never met me. But then being a nutcase means you'll do pretty much anything, eh!
Many thanks,
Dan.
Hello everyone.
Well, my hat off to [insert name here] (though I assume my friend Ali might be responsible) for an amusing post.
Interesting to see that someone questioned the sanity of the poster, don't you think? Makes me look kind of, well, sane really. Unless you know me.
Nice to see I'm interesting enough to parady, though. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, do they not? Glad someone decided I am so important to them that they had to sit and write about me to a bunch of people who've never met me. But then being a nutcase means you'll do pretty much anything, eh!
Many thanks,
Dan.
