cookstar

iTrader: (6)

Quick background... I have a 13 year old son from a previous relationship, who has now decided he wants to live with me. He has been talking about it for over a year now (to me). And last weekend just gone he decided now is the time, and told his mum! She has obviously taken it quite badly, but no mention of legal action has been mentioned yet. She understands he is unhappy at home, mostly caused by friction between him and her live in partner.

He currently shares a tiny bedroom with his younger brother, in a tiny house. This means that he has no personal space, including having to do his homework sitting on the bedroom floor! I have quite a large house so could provide him with ample space to live.

I am married, with a good stable job, have another (happy) child living with me already. The only negative I can think of she could raise is that I have a previous criminal conviction from 8 years ago, assault which is now "spent".

In your experience if he wants to move, how much of a chance has she got of stopping him?

She is making it pretty much unbearable to live there at the moment, so this needs to happen sooner rather than later.

I do have a an appointment on Tuesday to get some legal advice, but anything in the mean time would be great.

Oldun

I think that Fathers for Justice offer help for people in your situation, maybe drop them an email or check out their forum.
Interesting video too....
http://www.fathers-4-justice.org/

tubbytommy

iTrader: (20)

i think your ex partner may hold all the cards here, if she wants to stop him leaving i think it wil be a lenghty and costly process to do anything about it.

chocolate_o_brian

iTrader: (22)

I'm not a lawyer (apologies for that - just a fitter on the local steelworks ), but I'd have thought at age 13 he has some input or more clout behind his decision than say if he were 9 or 10. So if he was asking with good reason and say not under duress from yourself, and you are obviously more than happy/capable of providing a good home, I personally couldn't see what could stop him getting his wish.

I say the above as a parent myself.

Good luck anyway, from reading your OP, maybe living with you is a better all round scenario for his home/school life too.

fivetide

iTrader: (1)

I doubt that will be the right attitude. If you start blaming his mum etc you'll only end up making everyone bitter.

However, setting out as an olive branch, they are overcrowded, studies are not easy etc etc might get you a lot further.

Remember it isn't about you and the ex it is about what is best for your boy and as parents you really should be able to agree on that.

That should be the line you take.

Hammer man

iTrader: (25)

If your son feels he will be happier living with you, his mother should understand that and for the sake of his happiness, allow it.

SwissTony

iTrader: (19)

WE have looked into this before as a few times my boys have made comments about living with me. It seems as long as there is no compelling arguments against it, at the age of 13 the child has a right to choose and allowed to live elsewhere.Notice i say right to choose, not legal right to choose as under the courts jurisdiction, they rarely want to intervene and kids under a certain age are not of legal age etc. But if this gets to a legal battle, I think you stand a bloody good chance of winning

And there is nothing your ex-wife can do about it


Go for it I say

David Lock

Do you anticipate any friction between your lad and child already living with you? dl

cookstar

iTrader: (6)

Absolutely none at all, my daughter (4 year old) loves him to bits, and the same with him.

cookstar

iTrader: (6)

Good to know.

cookstar

iTrader: (6)

Unfortunately with bitter ex's it's never that simple.

cookstar

iTrader: (6)

Agreed, I am going to try to do this nicely and by causing as little upset to his mother as possible, hopefully we can just talk it through and sort it peacefully. I'd just like to get some idea of a plan B.

She is virtually impossible to have a conversation with unless it's going her way though, so I'll not be holding my breath.

hodgy0_2

i believe that if it came to court (which hopefully it would not)

the “needs and wants” of the child take primacy over everything else

and contrary to what most would have you believe, Judges in general and family court ones in particular are pretty good “judges” of the child’s “needs and wants”

go for it, every child deserves a room of their own

madscoob

iTrader: (3)

under the childrens act 2008 ( i think its 2008) your son has legal rights , my pita sister in law wants her 14year old daughter back but the daughter chose to live with grandparents and there is nothing sister in law can do about it, her house is overcrowded the same 3boys in 1 room and 1 small boxroom spare. so you can see why the girl doesn't want to go home, add in the fact that sister and brother in law are idiots and can't look after themselves let alone kids. make sure the solicitor you see understands the childrens act properly as there is more to it than meets the eye

zip106

Can't see how having had a conviction all those years ago should count against you - you're his father after all.
It's not as if you're trying to adopt a child.

Good luck, anyway.
Kids need to be where they feel safest, especially at his age what with rampant hormones about to surface...

zip106

Can't see how having had a conviction all those years ago should count against you - you're his father after all.
It's not as if you're trying to adopt a child.

Good luck, anyway.
Kids need to be where they feel safest, especially at his age what with rampant hormones about to surface...

cookstar

iTrader: (6)

Thanks guys, to be honest you've pretty much said what I was thinking anyway, but it's nice to hear it anyway. I'm understandably a bit nervous about the whole thing.

legb4rsk

Make sure you apply for support from the mother.It works both ways.

cookstar

iTrader: (6)

This matter has been discussed, (not with the ex), and I've decided I neither need or want her money. She is in a pretty low income household and I wouldn't feel comfortable in taking any money out of it.

PaulC72

Had problems with kids many years ago.

Until they are 16 they are unable to decide to leave without someone being able to say yes or no and stop them. When 16 they can make up their own minds.

If he wants to come and live with you then the person who has residency of him (even if you have a shared care order) they will still need to agree it, if they do get it in writing in case they change their mind!

Personally unless you can prove he is being abused or something like that going through the court will probably be a waste of money as they will just give you more rights to see him but not live with you full time.

I hope it works out as I always feel sorry for the kid in these situations as they are unable to make a decision because it is controlled by others.

Midlife......

iTrader: (2)

http://www.cafcass.gov.uk/

Have you looked at cafcass which deals with this sort of thing ?

Shaun

scunnered

iTrader: (1)

What about his child benefit?
Is your ex still claiming it?

supa

iTrader: (5)

Yep as others have stated the child's wishes are taken into consideration.

The childrens act looks at the welfare of the child being the most important factor. If the child has a reasonable understanding of what they need and want. The older children get the more their views are taken into consideration. Generally if parents can come to some agreement then no courts need to get involved. But if that turns sour then you may need to look at obtaining a residency order. The mother has automatic parental responsibility over the Child. Do you also have this? This can be transferred by the court or obtained when you are granted a residency order. Did this area of law about 3 years ago so cannot remember much.

There are various factors that the courts will need to consider if it ever reaches that stage. But you can both agree on a documents then take this to the court to be witnessed and signed, which is like a contract between the parents of the child.

cookstar

iTrader: (6)

I hadn't thought of that, I doubt she'd be able to claim it any more, but I wouldn't be entitled to it anyway.