wifes friend being beaten by husband, what to do?
26 December 2011, 12:19 PM
#1
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wifes friend being beaten by husband, what to do?
Not really sure what to do about a problem that has cropped up over christmas...a friend of my wife's husband has started punching her/ beating her and I do not know what to do about it.
The reasons why he is doing it (IMO) is about 6 months ago they had a child together (there third child) and the child is disabled, the husband blames the wife for "producing" the disabled child.
I don't want to interfere and end up with the wife getting more of a beating because I have stuck my nose in but also I do not want to keep quiet and see the wife looking like she has gone 10 rounds with Paddy Docherty...
The husband obviously needs some sort of counciling but how do I approach this? I was thinking of somehow contacting the doctor that is dealing with there child and seeing if he can somehow advise or tell me the best approach.
I know from speaking to my own wife that they have already been offered counciling several times as apparently its a very common problem if you have a disabled baby to blame the mum or for one of the parents to blame them selves.
what to do?
The reasons why he is doing it (IMO) is about 6 months ago they had a child together (there third child) and the child is disabled, the husband blames the wife for "producing" the disabled child.
I don't want to interfere and end up with the wife getting more of a beating because I have stuck my nose in but also I do not want to keep quiet and see the wife looking like she has gone 10 rounds with Paddy Docherty...
The husband obviously needs some sort of counciling but how do I approach this? I was thinking of somehow contacting the doctor that is dealing with there child and seeing if he can somehow advise or tell me the best approach.
I know from speaking to my own wife that they have already been offered counciling several times as apparently its a very common problem if you have a disabled baby to blame the mum or for one of the parents to blame them selves.
what to do?
26 December 2011, 12:26 PM
#4
'All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing'
Edmund Burke
You HAVE to act IMO. What if the husband should do the unforgivable and go further than a punch/slap? How would you feel then?
'Staying out of it' does not help anyone involved...........
Edmund Burke
You HAVE to act IMO. What if the husband should do the unforgivable and go further than a punch/slap? How would you feel then?
'Staying out of it' does not help anyone involved...........
26 December 2011, 12:40 PM
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There will be people out there with a deep understanding of such as issue and will have dealt with such a situation many times. Your own GP should have a suitable number to call.
For the little my opinion is worth I would ensure that your wife agrees with any action you take and I think you may also want to question whether there is the possibility that the disabled child could be harmed. Good luck.
For the little my opinion is worth I would ensure that your wife agrees with any action you take and I think you may also want to question whether there is the possibility that the disabled child could be harmed. Good luck.
26 December 2011, 12:41 PM
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This ...... ^^^^^^
Dave
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26 December 2011, 12:54 PM
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'All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing'
Edmund Burke
You HAVE to act IMO. What if the husband should do the unforgivable and go further than a punch/slap? How would you feel then?
'Staying out of it' does not help anyone involved...........
Edmund Burke
You HAVE to act IMO. What if the husband should do the unforgivable and go further than a punch/slap? How would you feel then?
'Staying out of it' does not help anyone involved...........
26 December 2011, 01:12 PM
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Crimestoppers. You do what NEEDS to be done and It's 100% anonymous so the first thing he'll know about it is when the **** gets the knock on the door from the old bill.
Astraboy.
Astraboy.
26 December 2011, 01:17 PM
#11
Problem is, she'll likely say he's never touched her .. sadly ..
I don't envy you mate .. you speak to him, he'll beat her for telling people, you speak to her, she'll get scared he'll find out ..
It's a really horrible situation, but maybe social services ? least they can watch the kid, make sure he doesn't hurt her/him.
The keyboard worrier in me would also suggest he fall foul of a random beating in the street ..
26 December 2011, 01:29 PM
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Doesn't matter, the OB don't need her statement to press charges these days, the law was changed a few years ago.
And for the record, timing is everything in this matter, the call needs to go in after a fresh kicking has been handed out so when the fuzz turn up and have a look around, he'll be all bright and breezy and she'll be still cowering in the corner.
It won't take a rocket scientist to work out what's happening, you just have to time your moment.
Astraboy.
And for the record, timing is everything in this matter, the call needs to go in after a fresh kicking has been handed out so when the fuzz turn up and have a look around, he'll be all bright and breezy and she'll be still cowering in the corner.
It won't take a rocket scientist to work out what's happening, you just have to time your moment.
Astraboy.
26 December 2011, 02:08 PM
#14
Ive dealt with a situation like this..... Go round there wait for it to kick off, phone the police and state domestic violence at such and such. Give them a brief description then tell them your gonna bust the door open. They police will be with you within minutes.... You might have to face hubby but when the police arrive but least he wont take it out on the wife
Worked for me now my mates husband is in the slammer. Never seen sarah so happy with her new man plus her new man knows if he upsets her ill stick his jacobs n a food blender
Worked for me now my mates husband is in the slammer. Never seen sarah so happy with her new man plus her new man knows if he upsets her ill stick his jacobs n a food blender
26 December 2011, 02:43 PM
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the wife beater must be having an absolute nightmare, he has 2 children so thats hard work, he has now got to deal with looking after a disabled child for the rest of his life, probably has started to drink alot more, has used his wife for an outlet of his anger and he probably feels even worse for doing it.
i 100% do not condone what this man has done but are you absolutely sure that he has beaten his wife? there are different levels to this-none are acceptable though.
this family needs to stick together (assuming he did'nt beat her before the 3rd child was born) and get some proper guidance. sending the police in, setting him up and sending him to jail is not the answer
your wife needs to speak to his wife and give her some options that are availabe and we could do with some more details
good luck and dont make things worse
i 100% do not condone what this man has done but are you absolutely sure that he has beaten his wife? there are different levels to this-none are acceptable though.
this family needs to stick together (assuming he did'nt beat her before the 3rd child was born) and get some proper guidance. sending the police in, setting him up and sending him to jail is not the answer
your wife needs to speak to his wife and give her some options that are availabe and we could do with some more details
good luck and dont make things worse
26 December 2011, 03:19 PM
#16
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Things like gender etc all come from the man so its his fault he can't get off by blaming her. The problem with this societly is that we have become so relaxed and let people get away with murder litteraly.
I know people are going to think this is not modern or civilised but it works. Play the 'who is harder card'. So if it was me I would turn round to him and say I know what your doing to her you wife beating scum. Touch her again and watch what I do to you. Normally at this point I would drop a head butt but wouldn't advise it.
Have done it in the past and it worked.
The guy was so shocked that he didn't do anything he started acting really friendly with his wife. She told my now ex fiancee that her man had changed and doesn't know what bought it on. Obviously he didn't have the guts to tell her what had happened.
I know people are going to think this is not modern or civilised but it works. Play the 'who is harder card'. So if it was me I would turn round to him and say I know what your doing to her you wife beating scum. Touch her again and watch what I do to you. Normally at this point I would drop a head butt but wouldn't advise it.
Have done it in the past and it worked.
The guy was so shocked that he didn't do anything he started acting really friendly with his wife. She told my now ex fiancee that her man had changed and doesn't know what bought it on. Obviously he didn't have the guts to tell her what had happened.
26 December 2011, 03:54 PM
#17
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This is a horrible situation for friends to be in, totally accepting the beaten wife is in a much worse one.
The only thing you can't do is nothing. Your eyes have been opened to the situation and you can't now close them.
Although the husband is probably going through a tough time with the new baby, he can't be allowed to take out his frustration on his wife.
IMO opinion you have to speak to the police or crimestoppers.
The only thing you can't do is nothing. Your eyes have been opened to the situation and you can't now close them.
Although the husband is probably going through a tough time with the new baby, he can't be allowed to take out his frustration on his wife.
IMO opinion you have to speak to the police or crimestoppers.
26 December 2011, 04:07 PM
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Stick your oar in too much and you will only end up regretting it, the only thing to do is get you wife to make arrangements for the woman and kids to stay somewhere else for a while, it helps a woman to gain the strength to deal with the situation herself when she is further away from the violent husband.
26 December 2011, 04:15 PM
#19
Doesn't matter, the OB don't need her statement to press charges these days, the law was changed a few years ago.
And for the record, timing is everything in this matter, the call needs to go in after a fresh kicking has been handed out so when the fuzz turn up and have a look around, he'll be all bright and breezy and she'll be still cowering in the corner.
It won't take a rocket scientist to work out what's happening, you just have to time your moment.
Astraboy.
And for the record, timing is everything in this matter, the call needs to go in after a fresh kicking has been handed out so when the fuzz turn up and have a look around, he'll be all bright and breezy and she'll be still cowering in the corner.
It won't take a rocket scientist to work out what's happening, you just have to time your moment.
Astraboy.
26 December 2011, 04:17 PM
#20
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horible thing,
could you not pull the husband aside and say, as if your trying to help her "what the fcks happened to your wife mate, is she getting attacked or abused by someone, family or work?
people are starting to notice and all talk about her"
make it out you trying to help him and her, and say your willing to try find out whats going on and grass if its a friend/collegue or other known family bully ect?
he probably sh*t himself and hopefully get help himself, or atleast stop the violence. after that, youve kindof given him a warning/chance, and anything goes after that.
if was immediate family or very close friend, id have no hesitation in threatening him. and if was my close friend thats was the bully id be having words, tell him everyones not stupid and get a fcking grip of yourself, if you notice or hear of again youll be phoning the coppers.
id expect my friends to do the same for me if something so severly fcked me up to start acting like that.
could you not pull the husband aside and say, as if your trying to help her "what the fcks happened to your wife mate, is she getting attacked or abused by someone, family or work?
people are starting to notice and all talk about her"
make it out you trying to help him and her, and say your willing to try find out whats going on and grass if its a friend/collegue or other known family bully ect?
he probably sh*t himself and hopefully get help himself, or atleast stop the violence. after that, youve kindof given him a warning/chance, and anything goes after that.
if was immediate family or very close friend, id have no hesitation in threatening him. and if was my close friend thats was the bully id be having words, tell him everyones not stupid and get a fcking grip of yourself, if you notice or hear of again youll be phoning the coppers.
id expect my friends to do the same for me if something so severly fcked me up to start acting like that.
26 December 2011, 04:39 PM
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There will be people out there with a deep understanding of such as issue and will have dealt with such a situation many times. Your own GP should have a suitable number to call.
For the little my opinion is worth I would ensure that your wife agrees with any action you take and I think you may also want to question whether there is the possibility that the disabled child could be harmed. Good luck.
For the little my opinion is worth I would ensure that your wife agrees with any action you take and I think you may also want to question whether there is the possibility that the disabled child could be harmed. Good luck.
26 December 2011, 04:40 PM
#22
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horible thing,
could you not pull the husband aside and say, as if your trying to help her "what the fcks happened to your wife mate, is she getting attacked or abused by someone, family or work?
people are starting to notice and all talk about her"
make it out you trying to help him and her, and say your willing to try find out whats going on and grass if its a friend/collegue or other known family bully ect?
he probably sh*t himself and hopefully get help himself, or atleast stop the violence. after that, youve kindof given him a warning/chance, and anything goes after that.
if was immediate family or very close friend, id have no hesitation in threatening him. and if was my close friend thats was the bully id be having words, tell him everyones not stupid and get a fcking grip of yourself, if you notice or hear of again youll be phoning the coppers.
id expect my friends to do the same for me if something so severly fcked me up to start acting like that.
could you not pull the husband aside and say, as if your trying to help her "what the fcks happened to your wife mate, is she getting attacked or abused by someone, family or work?
people are starting to notice and all talk about her"
make it out you trying to help him and her, and say your willing to try find out whats going on and grass if its a friend/collegue or other known family bully ect?
he probably sh*t himself and hopefully get help himself, or atleast stop the violence. after that, youve kindof given him a warning/chance, and anything goes after that.
if was immediate family or very close friend, id have no hesitation in threatening him. and if was my close friend thats was the bully id be having words, tell him everyones not stupid and get a fcking grip of yourself, if you notice or hear of again youll be phoning the coppers.
id expect my friends to do the same for me if something so severly fcked me up to start acting like that.
Similar to what I was saying but I actually think its probably a better route then what I suggested.
26 December 2011, 04:48 PM
#23
horible thing,
could you not pull the husband aside and say, as if your trying to help her "what the fcks happened to your wife mate, is she getting attacked or abused by someone, family or work?
people are starting to notice and all talk about her"
make it out you trying to help him and her, and say your willing to try find out whats going on and grass if its a friend/collegue or other known family bully ect?
he probably sh*t himself and hopefully get help himself, or atleast stop the violence. after that, youve kindof given him a warning/chance, and anything goes after that.
if was immediate family or very close friend, id have no hesitation in threatening him. and if was my close friend thats was the bully id be having words, tell him everyones not stupid and get a fcking grip of yourself, if you notice or hear of again youll be phoning the coppers.
id expect my friends to do the same for me if something so severly fcked me up to start acting like that.
could you not pull the husband aside and say, as if your trying to help her "what the fcks happened to your wife mate, is she getting attacked or abused by someone, family or work?
people are starting to notice and all talk about her"
make it out you trying to help him and her, and say your willing to try find out whats going on and grass if its a friend/collegue or other known family bully ect?
he probably sh*t himself and hopefully get help himself, or atleast stop the violence. after that, youve kindof given him a warning/chance, and anything goes after that.
if was immediate family or very close friend, id have no hesitation in threatening him. and if was my close friend thats was the bully id be having words, tell him everyones not stupid and get a fcking grip of yourself, if you notice or hear of again youll be phoning the coppers.
id expect my friends to do the same for me if something so severly fcked me up to start acting like that.
I'm no expert, but from the experience I do have, everything becomes the woman's fault and anything that makes him feel less or a man will result in a kicking ..
Suggesting he's not aware of someone beating his wife ... sorry guys .. I know I have no suggestions, but you need to be careful.
26 December 2011, 04:57 PM
#24
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Be an angel over this Christmas season for the abused, and tell her to get out of the hell that she is living in. He can have counselling etc. for himself later, but she needs to get out with the kid for never to return to him. I don't suggest you to talk to him about it because if counselling hasn't worked for them before, your talking won't work either. It may threaten/warn him bit, but domestic violence control freaks are well-known for not changing their ways. Once they start, they don't look back. They may respond differently in different relationship, though.
I understand that It may not be easy for you to tell her to get out. It may not be easy for her to get out, because to her, the hell might seem be the safest, dearest and the only place to be in. But it doesn't have to be too difficult for you to report a domestic violence abuse crime. You can do it anonymously. She can re-start somewhere new with her disabled baby. Social Security is available to support people who genuinely need it.
Good luck, and save someone from further damage if you can. One day, she will look back and thank the "anonymous" one.
I understand that It may not be easy for you to tell her to get out. It may not be easy for her to get out, because to her, the hell might seem be the safest, dearest and the only place to be in. But it doesn't have to be too difficult for you to report a domestic violence abuse crime. You can do it anonymously. She can re-start somewhere new with her disabled baby. Social Security is available to support people who genuinely need it.
Good luck, and save someone from further damage if you can. One day, she will look back and thank the "anonymous" one.
Last edited by Turbohot; 26 December 2011 at 07:47 PM.
26 December 2011, 05:09 PM
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I bet these guys can offer much better advice
http://refuge.org.uk/
Freephone 24-Hour National Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 2000 247
http://refuge.org.uk/
Freephone 24-Hour National Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 2000 247
26 December 2011, 09:26 PM
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wouldn't it be a shame if he got attacked by someone bigger than him and warned if he laid as much as a finger on her again and instead started to help her and not abuse her he'd be in a wheel chair for the rest of his days.
i myself seen a situation like this before lets just say the man in person was dealt with accordingly and warned if he tried bringing the cops into it he'd meet a 6ft deep hole in a woods.
i myself seen a situation like this before lets just say the man in person was dealt with accordingly and warned if he tried bringing the cops into it he'd meet a 6ft deep hole in a woods.
