Yorkshiremen.....
05 December 2011, 05:14 AM
#1
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Yorkshiremen.....
I don't think they are a race as such so I'll take a chance..........
Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it wi us."
.................................................. ...................................
A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"
.................................................. ...............................................
A Yorkshireman's wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words "She were thine" engraved on it.
He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral.
True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.
When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's been engraved "She were thin".
He explodes: "'ells bells man, you've left the bloody "e" out, you've left the bloody "e" out!"
The stone mason apologises profusely and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning.
Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason: "There you go sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you".
The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud:
"E, she were thin".
.................................................. ................................
Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell **** cream?"
Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"
.................................................. .................................
Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it wi us."
.................................................. ...................................
A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"
.................................................. ...............................................
A Yorkshireman's wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words "She were thine" engraved on it.
He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral.
True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.
When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's been engraved "She were thin".
He explodes: "'ells bells man, you've left the bloody "e" out, you've left the bloody "e" out!"
The stone mason apologises profusely and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning.
Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason: "There you go sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you".
The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud:
"E, she were thin".
.................................................. ................................
Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell **** cream?"
Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"
.................................................. .................................
05 December 2011, 11:55 AM
#4
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A Yorkshire man was paying for his morning paper and dropped 50P from his wallet, when he bent over to pick it up, it hits him on the back of the head.
A kid from Yorkshire starts school and his dad gives him 2 quid for the bus home. Instead of getting on the bus the kids runs behind it all the way home. Dad comes home from the pub and the kid says, dad I saved you 2 quid today because I ran behind the bus instead of getting on. The dad slaps the kid on the **** three times and sends him to bed without supper saying, you should have run behind a taxi and saved me 40 quid you little...
05 December 2011, 02:01 PM
#5
You can always tell a Yorkshireman........
But you can't tell him much.
Yorkshireman was visiting Texas. His host says, "It takes me TWO DAYS to drive all the way round my ranch."
The Yorkshireman replies, "Aye, I once had a car like that........"
I once broke down in Barnsley......I don't know why, I just started crying.......
But you can't tell him much.
Yorkshireman was visiting Texas. His host says, "It takes me TWO DAYS to drive all the way round my ranch."
The Yorkshireman replies, "Aye, I once had a car like that........"
I once broke down in Barnsley......I don't know why, I just started crying.......
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05 December 2011, 08:50 PM
#11
Us Yorkshiremen have broad shoulders! We can take a joke.
A wealthy Yorskshireman was on his way home in his limousine when he spotted two men on the roadside eating grass! He asked his driver to pull over and beckoned one of the men over. 'Why are you eating grass?' he asked the bloke. 'I'm broke and starving so had no choice but to eat the grass' the man replied. 'Right said the Yorkshireman you can come to my place'. The man was overjoyed and asked the Yorkshireman if his wife and two children could come too. The Yorkshireman was only too happy to extend his goodwill to the rest of his family.
The Yorkshireman then turned his attention to the other man. 'Why are you eating grass?' he asked him. The answer that came was the same, 'I'm broke and starving'. The Yorkshire man offerd the same hospitality to the second man. However the second man was reluctant to get in. When questioned he replied 'I have a wife and six children'. The Yorkshireman seemed unruffled and asked them all to get inside. A tall order even in a limousine. However they eventually all squeezed in and the driver set off bound for the Yorkshireman's Mansion.
The two men were extremely grateful for the Yorkshireman's kind hearted gesture and told him so. The Yorkshireman smiled and replied 'It's my pleasure, you'll love my place the grass is over a foot high!'.
A wealthy Yorskshireman was on his way home in his limousine when he spotted two men on the roadside eating grass! He asked his driver to pull over and beckoned one of the men over. 'Why are you eating grass?' he asked the bloke. 'I'm broke and starving so had no choice but to eat the grass' the man replied. 'Right said the Yorkshireman you can come to my place'. The man was overjoyed and asked the Yorkshireman if his wife and two children could come too. The Yorkshireman was only too happy to extend his goodwill to the rest of his family.
The Yorkshireman then turned his attention to the other man. 'Why are you eating grass?' he asked him. The answer that came was the same, 'I'm broke and starving'. The Yorkshire man offerd the same hospitality to the second man. However the second man was reluctant to get in. When questioned he replied 'I have a wife and six children'. The Yorkshireman seemed unruffled and asked them all to get inside. A tall order even in a limousine. However they eventually all squeezed in and the driver set off bound for the Yorkshireman's Mansion.
The two men were extremely grateful for the Yorkshireman's kind hearted gesture and told him so. The Yorkshireman smiled and replied 'It's my pleasure, you'll love my place the grass is over a foot high!'.
