David Lock

Phone call from No 11 to No 10

"Hi Dave, George here. Look this high speed thingy, we just don't have the readies at the moment. We are going to have to cancel, can't see an alternative. Stupid bloody idea in the first place and who in their right minds wants to get to B'ham quickly anyway, it's all Kebabs and Nissan dealers isn't it?"

"Look George there is no way we can cancel now. Millipede will have a field day and ***** will be grinning like a Cheshire with his "I've just given Yvette one" look. We are going to have to postpone it -what about playing the green card. Have you tried the protected Newts or Bats approach?"

"Well Dave we tried the bats but no proper churches in the way and they don't seem to like mosques. I got Food & Ag to dump a few newts in a large pond but it turned out to be a fish farm and all we have now are lots of fat trout."

"S,hit George, do I have to think of everything? Try the old tunnel trick. Just say we are thinking about a tunnel which will keep us sweet with the green tree huggers and should take years for the design and planning before we have to borrow a few quid from Tubby Merkel. Just don't tell Clarkson, there's a good chap. Bye"

Above info provided in good faith by a usually reliable phone hacker

dl

Leslie

Les