Hysteria1983

Could you write the 'friend' off and just carry on?

Backround info - I told my friend I was having a family only wedding. 24 people, all immediate family and no friends.
The reason being that the intimate room we have picked only has 26 seats, and I don't feel I can pick just two friends.
I am not going any bigger as I don't want it any other way.

So, comments from the friend like "you know who your friends are" and "that's why you ignored me" as well as other general rants.

I must have though for a second that it was my wedding!

The Zohan

A 'real friend' would take it at face value and be happy for you. I am sure they are invited to the reception so what is the problem, there isn't one. They need to grow up and remember who's day it is!.

Snazy

If the person shows they play no important role in my life, they can quite easily be forgotten.
On the flip side a close friend would also feel they wanted to share a special day with you, so I would forget initial reactions from them. We are all different.

Hysteria1983

I have only known her for about a year. We are close, abd have clicked but she is just so full on!

I'm not used to having female friends. I had one once... I didn't turn out well!

I'm just shocked at her behaviour really. It's more than her being upset, she genuinely thinks I am scheming and plotting about the wedding behind her back, whereas really it's nothing to do with her, and her reaction has confirmed what she is like.

fitzscoob

Forget her and move on, let her worry about it.

At the end of the day its your wedding, if she cant handle not being invited even though there is a good reason then you shouldnt waste your time feeling bad about it.

A friend of mine wanted to know why I dont speak with him any more even though the last conversation we had was "if you were not my friend I'd have stuck my bottle in your neck" (him to me after a heated discussion which was his fault). After I explained to him that I have enough mates and dont need to hang around with people like him, he still didnt get it.

Enjoy your wedding, the way you want it.

EddScott

Proper friend would think "thank f*ck she doesn't insist I have to go"

95% of people really CBA to go to mates weddings anyway. BUT these are the same people that if you were penniless and they only had a £10 to their name they would split it.

If you get me.

wilbo

iTrader: (1)

I can relate to this as my girlfriends sister recently got married and the gf was brides maid. They did it in a registry office and due to space constraints and a big family, they decided that aunts / uncles would be invited to the day and the rest of the family would all be invited to the evening activities. Most of the cousins have children themselves so no way they would have got in the registry office. Anyways, in the end most of them didnt attend any of the wedding and actually organised an 18th birthday party on the same day so that family were torn between the 2 putting people in an awkward position. My gf's immediate family have not spoke to them since and i imagine it will be a while.

Bit of a rant, but totally agree that people should not get annoyed at you. You have to make decisions and if you can only fit 2 friends in, then agree that it is fairest to just have none.

Hysteria1983

Yes, I get you.

I suppose if we invited other friends then I could be a bit more sympathetic. But there are no bridesmaids, no best man, nobody to give me away so it really is just in and out.

The way she makes it about her is typical of everything to do with her.

I want my scooby back, and my boy mates!!

CREWJ

Is it just me or does this all sound a lot like female bitchiness?

Hysteria1983

Thanks wilba!

She can't seem to see things that way. Also, the fact of the matter is I have really good friends who I put way in front of her, so I thought it best to leave it at family.

the hamster

iTrader: (7)

Been in this exact situation when I got married, 44 seats, 2 families etc etc.

Basically, I had comments like you've had from certain people and I just said "well at least you'll have the day spare to think about yourself rather than others" and walked away. I did it twice to people I class as close friends and eventually they came crawling when other people put them in their place.

Nothing was going to spoil my day and I made sure of that.

Strange thing is, not 1 person I invited to the wedding turned up to the divorce

Coffin Dodger

Sounds a familiar story, the friend of my wife who was responsible for her profile getting put on mysinglefriend.com that ultimately led to us meeting is now no longer a friend.

We'd both admit that her and her husband wouldn't have been our first choice of friends and it was all a bit one-way a lot of the time. However as they were close by we'd see each other for dinner every few weeks though we tried to get it down to monthly, went camping with them too and spent the odd weekend together.

So as our wedding day neared she missed the wife's hen party claiming she'd got the dates mixed up or some such. This was followed up with a delivery of flowers/chocs/wine etc. + a grovelling card saying how sorry she was to have missed it.

The wedding itself sounds similar due to the fact we wanted to keep it simple and intimate so it was planned as a registry office job with parents, brothers and sisters, nobody else. Meal in a nice restaurant after followed by a big party in the evening to which we invited everybody. They never turned up to the party. I'd specifically mentioned them in my speech too. Got home to find an answering machine message with her husband first saying he had "swine flu" and was so sorry he couldn't make it, followed by her apologising that she had to stay and look after him. Even if it was genuine she could have come for an hour or two on her own. She knew other people there.

We made no effort to contact them after that. Many weeks later her and the missus agreed to meet up at a neutral venue (pub) to try and reconcile things. The wife said she was very tearful and apologetic for being so sh*t. So we agreed to go over to theirs for dinner and it was like nothing had ever happened, normal service resumed, no mention of the wedding, asking to see photos, how was the honeymoon etc. just all about her as usual.

Very little contact after that and we haven't seen them since.....

EddScott

Don't search for amsuing Bitch Fight pics on google with safe search turned off - at least not in work anyway

Saxo Boy

Rule 1 of having a wedding: YOU WILL P*SS SOMEONE OFF.

Simply put, you can't win.....

TinyTim

iTrader: (3)

OP, I can tell from your original post that your friend is fat/ugly. Don't be angry with her, pity her... she's probably cries herself to sleep at night with jealousy.

ditchmyster

iTrader: (7)

I would not worry, i fell out with one of my sisters over my wedding and that was 12yrs ago, not spoken to her since and never plan to, she's a poisonous cow and it's always about her and she will never change.

Feel free to apply my method of dealing with people like this to your not quite as good as you first thought friend.

My way or the highway

Funkii Munkii

26 seats you say ?

You'll never fill it, invite her

Hysteria1983

24 of them are filled by family members. One of my brothers has 5 children.

David Lock

Tell her you have only invited close friends. That should do the trick

DYK

Just tell her its a family wedding only,or at least the wedding part is and be done with it.If she can't accept that then tough doo doo.

sprigeteer

iTrader: (9)

I did the same mate - 26 came to mine too. It's your day and if any one has the nerve to give you grief then they are not worth your time. Isn't sad how self-centred some people can be? You'd hope a friend would simply be glad you've found someone. Conclusion: she is not a friend. Or she is damaged in some way. Either way, good luck and if she has a problem; crack on without her.

Hysteria1983

That's what I told her.

She invited me over today, while a friend of hers was there. I was then asked to tell them both about the wedding and how she wasn't invited.

As you can imagine, I wasn't too impressed.

RobsyUK

iTrader: (2)

She is probably jelous... But a true friend would see that no other friend was picked over them...
She fit?

Lee247

K, take no notice. Weddings, Christenings and Funerals. Someone always gets the hump.
You do it your way, it's your day and no one else matters. Hope you have a lovely time x

DYK

Sounds like she trying to make you feel guilty in front of another mate of hers..
Just say look you FRIEND...FRIEND not FAMILY,FAMILY invite ONLY catch my Drift.Now Bog off..

mgcvk

She sounds a bit thick if she can't understand a small family wedding is for family only

pimmo2000

iTrader: (6)

I'm still invited though yeah ?

r32

If they really were your friends and you valued their friendship and it was important to you, then you would take them out for a meal or something to celebrate at some time after the wedding.

Hysteria1983

Keep it on the down low Pimmo

Hysteria1983

This was the original plan. A meal for friends thecweekend after the wedding, but given the behavour, I don't think I will go to the trouble. The others have already invited us to theirs to celebrate anyway.