RRH

Guys, a friend of the wife's is having trouble with her ex boyfriend. Keeps phoning, texting etc although she's told him she wants nothing more to do with him.

He's now getting a bit nasty, phonecalls and doorstepping her etc.

She's half way through a course of chemo, has a young daughter, and doesn't want any 'physical' intervention, if you get my meaning. She won't budge on this.

She called the police on Saturday night but it took them an hour to get there and he'd gone. They've suggested they cant do anything and to consult a solicitor?

Has anyone got any constructive suggestions or experience with this sort of thing?

Thanks

Jamo

iTrader: (23)

best bet is to have a quiet word with him, and im not joking. he probably thinks what hes doing is rational in some way.

Xx-IAN-xX

Rifleman will be along shortly , he can sort it

RRH

The quiet word has been tried and failed.

She's spoken to his brother too, who promised to get him to leave her alone, at which point things got even worse..

stedee

iTrader: (4)

police - you having a laff - remind what is there job again???

i wish i had some good advice but its one of those situ where what ever you do can backfire and make it worse

RRH

Thats the problem. She's really not strong enough to take any more at the moment. He does know how gravely ill she is.

ScoobyWon't

Sounds unusual that the police can't do anything. I deal with jobs like this all of the time.

Tell her to save all text messages and make a log of every time he contacts her by text, phone, in person or through a third party. If she has sent any text messages back she should save those too (I'll explain that further down).

Also tell her that should he send her any text messages, not to reply to them. If he rings, do not answer the call, if he comes to the door, don't answer it.

What I look for is the following under the Protection of Harassment Act.

To obtain a conviction for criminal harassment the prosecution needs to prove beyond all reasonable doubt the three elements of harassment:

- the defendant has pursued a course of conduct
- the course of conduct amounted to harassment of another person
- the defendant knew or ought to have known that the course of conduct amounted to harassment.

Harassment is defined as causing alarm or causing distress and a course of conduct which can include speech must involve conduct on at least 2 occasions. The incidents do not have to be the same type of behaviour on both occasions.

I would take it that all three have been met if she has received two of the phone calls, text messages or him on the door step.

The conduct is causing her alarm or distress.

He knows it's harassment as she's told him not to contact her any more and she does not want contact from him.

If satisfied that the first two had been met, I'd be issuing him with a harassment warning, which basically means that if he continues with that course of conduct he is open to arrest on suspicion of harassment.

From there, he is interviewed and the third point to prove (knowing his behaviour amounts to harassment) should be easy to prove as he has already been told it does by receiving the harassment warning.

The text messages and log will be proof of his course of conduct. The content of those messages can also show what has caused her to be alarmed/distressed. The important thing is that any messages she as sent him are available to be viewed as he is likely to say that if she has replied with anything more than "Do not contact me" that they are all part of a conversation between the two of them.

If he does appear on the door step, then she should call 999, and express that she is in fear/immediate danger and vulnerable, which should mean that officers are there within 10 minutes.

On conviction, a maximum of five years imprisonment can be served and a restraining order can be imposed. This will take time.

The non-criminal route is to take out a civil injunction through a solicitor which can be done in as little as 24 hours, but will cost in the region of £2000.

If you need any further info, just ask.

Jamie

A temporary restraining order or injunction will sort it out if he breaks it then court then asbo then more court at his expense then jail.

In some cases, breaches of injunctions are considered serious criminal offenses that merit arrest and possible prison sentences.

You could always give him a warning shot

RRH

Thanks guys, that's exactly what I was after, She's got a solicitors appointment tomorrow but suspect that she could get led down a long and expensive path unless she's prepared.

Is a harassment order issued by a solicitor or the Police?

ScoobyWon't

Harassment warning is issued by police.

RRH

Ok thanks. She's just had a voicemail to say he'll be round tomorrow night. He doesn't sound exceptionally bright...

Jamie

Solicitors then court then asbo then police i could be wrong in that order

ScoobyWon't

Criminal route: Harassment warning from police, arrest, prosecution, restraining order.

Civil route: Solicitor, civil injunction, police for breaches of order, prosecution.

zippy!

iTrader: (1)

can she not come stay with you or somebody else she knows and not tell him where she has gone to get away/have a break from him or get someone to stay with her who can deal with him when he turns up so she doesnt have to? i hate people like that they have no brains and no common decency. if all else fails just have him spoken to by some very persuasive characters in masks lol we all know some of them!

pimmo2000

iTrader: (6)

Clowns ?

bigsinky

we call then balaclavas in belfast . our solutions to anti-social behaviour tend to be somewhat more permanent, so not maybe the best thing to do.

Leslie

Maybe insist to the coppers that she fears the possibility of violence from him. Put it all in a copied letter to the Chief Constable.

Les

Coffin Dodger

Is the young daughter his or someone else's?

ScoobyWon't

If this turns out to be the case, it can be stipulated that hew may only contact the injured party to discuss the child, anything else would be considered harassment.

To be honest, often the simplest thing to do is change phone numbers, to stop the calls/texts, I, obviously, don't think moving to stop the visits to be a simple request, however, if the female should move house to get away from him, this demonstrates to police/courts that she is so concerned about this, that she is willing to take drastic measures to get him out of her life.

RRH

No, the daughters not his. She's been to see a barrister friend today, and has a friend staying at her house this evening in case he visits as threatened- while she stays at her mums.

Said barrister suggested she sees what transpires this evening, if he does go round then he'll send a letter tomorrow and speak to the boys in blue on her behalf in the morning to get the wheels in motion.

Thanks for your help everyone John, pm'd you last night mate. Thanks.

ScoobyWon't

Just seen the pm. Hope everything sorts itself out.