chocolate_o_brian

iTrader: (22)

Some on here may or may not know that I'm 7 months into the first year of my Corus apprenticeship. Aside from the issue I'll explain below, everythings pretty much ok.

When I first started, I got talking to one of the other older lads, "J" whos 21 (I'm 25). Most of the other 70 or so apprentices are around 16-18 with a couple 20, 21 and 22, so I'm easily the eldesy (which doesn't bother me).

Now me and J seemed ok to start with but it soon became apparent that our personalities clashed and we didn't see eye to eye. A couple of instances where he ran his mouth off and didn't seem bothered about it made my mind up that we weren't going to be bezzy buddies

So I moved work benches in the workshop to get away and crack on. Now J is a big lad, well basically 21 stone+ and 6ft 2", very fat, double chinned and not that mobile. He likes to act the centre of attention and talk down to everyone around him. This link kinds explains his way of acting well Attention seeking personality disorders and tactics of attention-seeking including drama queens, saviours, rescuers, feigners and attention-seekers

So I'm usually quite an easy going lad and I don't let his antics bother me. He has been generally disruptive in certain classes (as above always wanting to look smart **** in front of his peers) and makes very sly comments to several people. But then to other members of staff he can be the biggest **** kisser, total character change possibly looking to be in with the right crowd.

As said I try ignore it but when the sly comments and blatant baiting moved onto me, it got me riled. I've not spoken out of term as I'm mature enough to ignore it, but when you have several more 16-19 year old lads laughing at jokes aimed at you, it grinds the thicker of skins down gradually.

It's coming to a head as of this weekend, as it's now moved from work onto a social networking site. Several comments have passed from him aimed at me and I've retaliated (but in a none threatening way - basically calling him out on how much a tw@ he looks for not resolving his issues face to face with me). His most recent of comments (on Facebook) seems to be centered around me having Union contacts who got me my job and that he would "love to see me in pain" but his jobs not worth it , so again I've retaliated saying he knows only what I've told him and that any issues should be done face to face. I believe his last comment going by his status updates was while drunk but it's nothing out the ordinary for him.

So I'm certainly not scared or intimidated by this fellow, but it makes going to work arkward as he's the type to try be friends with everybody and then use this to gang up on induviduals. He is a classic case of "fat kid bullied at school turns into bully when he grows up" type of character.

So I'm considering putting in an official grievance against him (becasue I know an informal chat would see no benefits). The only issue being that I doubt a lot of modern 16-18 years olds would want to get drawn into this (for evidence and statements purposes) so it may turn into my word against his. So if he has brownosed the right people then it may be difficult to prove his undoing actions.

Any help and advice on this would be much appreciated as I'd prefer to nip this in the bud and it not turn physical in the long term.

Andy

P.S. remembering as said above aside from a handful of us, most apprentices are 16-18 so please take that into consideration.

Lee247

He sounds like a right barrel of laughs. There is always one jerk, isn't there.
Don't rise to him, ignore him and if he continues with his comments on Facebook, copy them and keep as evidence. Do not reply to them as they will lose credibility if you retaliate.
He is bullying and that is frowned upon in any workplace.
I would certainly be taking it to the powers that be. Good luck

Leslie

Thats quite a problem. I know how you feel, have seen all that before. He obviously wants to be the centre of attention and you are a convenient person to use by making those comments and bathing in the glory from the younger blokes, who will doubtless laugh for their own protection as much as anything.

I think if you put a grievance complaint that it would be turned against you and the others would accuse you of not fighting your own battles.

Hard to say because I have not seen it all happening where you are concerned, but I get the feeling that if you just ignore him completely and don't react in any way at all, that he will not get any satisfaction out of baiting you.

People like him live on reactions from the person they are attacking and when that is not there they lose out.

As far as the accusations on the social network is concerned, just ask him to produce the proof of his slanderous behaviour and tell him that he is risking trouble if he can't do that. People have been done for slander on the Net. I had a similar attack on here once but the trog concerned soon shut up when I reminded him about slanderous behaviour and proved him wrong anyway. He has never troubled me since!

Les

Jamie

Take it to the HR and keep doing it three strikes and he should be out job done








Pssst spike his drink

Lee247

A few laxatives ought to do it. When he rushes to the lavs, everyone follow for a listen

chocolate_o_brian

iTrader: (22)

It seems I have 2 contrasting replies. I am leaning towards constructing a letter of grievance and handing it in tomorrow. I would do it initially to concern "J" and show that I am not one to be pushed around and manipulated like the younger lads. I would certainly ignore the informal chat and escalate it further if necessary and would indeed follow through with my conerns. The Facebook conversation has been screen printed and saved for reference.

Leslie (vulcan ), I have been ignoring what has become gradually worse snipes, sly comments, digs, slander, comments behind my back for 5-6 months now; it was quite early on in my apprenticeship we fell out and it became apparent we didn't like each other. One instance where he called me something clicked something in my head and I have ignored him since. If he asks me a question I deliberately give him short 1-2 worded answers as I don't wish to speak with him due to knowing what he is like. In a professional manner I would, but luckily the instructors there know we don't get on and come september it's highly likely we will be miles apart in different areas of the steelworks site.

My original idea was to weather the comments and general grief/**** taking until September (as I am thick skinned and obviously more mature than the rest of my apprentice group - 9 in total) and then just look forwards to actually being on site away from those I dislike. But it seems to have escalated at a rate of knots this last 2 weeks, gradually getting worse until yesterday where unfair comments about myself were made on the internet behind my back and without my knowledge. I've maintained and indeed stated several times that if he has issues with me, then to take the appropriate channels, just like I am considering. I mentioned it above that he doesn't worry or intimidate me due to his size (I'm 14st and stocky myself and believe in the "bigger they are, harder they fall" philosophy), I just prefer to work without unnecessary ********* like him. I would certainly understand his reactions to me if I had antagonised him but it's not my nature. I come home from work and realise how pathetic he is, but for the younger lads it's a source of great entertainment and laughter.

Can see how over time it may grind you down, so best to nip it in the bud. If my job wasn't so valuable I may have taken unnecessary action, but in my situation it is very valuable to me and my Mrs.

The Zohan

CoB, be the bigger man, go the official route, start a greivance proceedure agianst this fool stating what you have said on here (excluding the social networking stuff).

The comany line is likely to be it is banter and a difference of personalities, explain you have moved your position/bench and also do your best to keep out of chubby's way, yet he still keeps on at you and you want it official and resovled as it is tantamount to bullying in the workplace.

If that doesnt work then a hard kick in the ***** follwed by several hard punches to his fat face is the next step.

Sounds like he is a bully at heart

Jamie

Lee i was thinking more along the lines of Drugs *giggles*

richie001

iTrader: (3)

He sound like someone who got self-confidence problems.The advice give by Lee and Les is pretty good.I know how hard it must be BUT ignore him the last thing you need is rise to him and get yourself in trouble.Make a copy of any comment's he make's on Facebook.Corus did have a confidential telephone helpline for things like this but because at the Corus site i worked at we had a pretty good bunch of people working there i never used/remembered the number.

chocolate_o_brian

iTrader: (22)

Paul and Rich, thanks for the advice. I'm unaware of said number Rich, but I'll speak either to the HETA (guys who train me at Corus) reception or the Corus HR lass tomorrow. I'll draft a brief letter without too much detail and then let rip in any meetings.

I'm not prepared to put up with comments etc like this from Facebook...

(I admit I called him a keyboard warrior for slagging me off several times previously - thats the worst I did)...

"J"
Andy ... Simple sly comments are as far as it goes after all as much as it would pleasure me to take it a step too far I would much rather have a job than the satisfaction of seeing you in pain now get a ****in life and stop complaining on saying that without your incessent moaning you wouldnt have a job would you owing to the fact the selection ... See Moreprocess which everyone else took knocked you back so you moan to the union and magically you have a job so as for moaning keyboard warriors you can congratulate yourself with 1st place. Way to go champ!

Me in reply
It's funny that you say all this on the net but not to my face eh? If you had such a problem with my presence at Corus (regardless of how I got in - remember you only know what I've told you) you'd think someone supposely a little older like yourself would go down the proper channels rather than make pathetic threats on a social networking site. That obviously shows you up for the type of person you really are. And it's also worth noting it's always been you with the antagonistic comments looking for a rise. After it became apparent we didn't like each other I kept my gob shut and got on with my work. How many people have you fallen foul of this year?? Kinda explains everything about your character.



That is word for word.

madscoob

iTrader: (3)

next time he says something in front of other people politly point out that just because he has a few hairs around his mouth it does not entitle him to talk like one .this is likely to make him retaliate in someway hopefully giving the excuse needed to BANG HIM OUT COLD after he has hit you first of course in front of witnesses

Lee247

He is a pathetic individual, with issues. He also has an audience of the younger apprentices.
I still say, you need to ignore him. His audience will soon disappear if he gets no reaction as there will be nothing to see.
Your job is important to you and it is also important to be happy in your job. It's all to easy to grab him after work and give him a good pasting, but not a good idea.
I think he thinks nothing will happen if he is reported, lets hope he gets one hell of a shock

tarmac terror

iTrader: (2)

Andy, I would consider playing the longer game. In my experience although the grievance process exists within most large companies, it should be used as the very last resort.

Is there a foreman or charge hand that has oversight responsibility for your group. I would take it there first, verbally. If nothing happens, formalise it on paper. Keep a record, diary entries, copies of anything posted on the internet that you feel is relevant. I would have thought a full and frank chat with an experienced manager should sort it out. I would think this lends some credibility to your grievance if you need to proceed to that level, in that you have tried all other avenues to resolve the issue.

I say play the longer game, as I have been involved in a grievance process as a manager of a number of staff. In that case despite my objections the line of least resistance was taken by HR, they moved the individual who raised the grievance, not the one who was doling out the abuse. As I predicted she moved on to her next target, it was then I who had to play the longer game to get rid of her.

Just be sure to consider all the angles, and make sure you have considered all the possible outcomes and are happy with each of them.

You also need to accept a certain amount of bitching / banter goes on in every work place, had this person not posted the detail on a social networking site then you would have heard nothing of it.

Terminator X

iTrader: (7)

Just ignore him fella. People like that soon get bored with no reaction & move on to something / someone else. Don't even get in to a facebook war ... just pretend he doesn't exist. I'd even go so far as to blank him eg no response to questions from him, not getting involved in conversations where he's speaking to others, wander off if he wanders over etc. He'll soon get the message & IMHO will be well hacked off however you'll not be bothered of course Life is far too short for this sort of thing ...

TX.

The Dogs B******s

Just smack the c*nt

chocolate_o_brian

iTrader: (22)

Some very good advice, thank you. I may revert from a formal letter and speak verbally to the manager in charge of training from Corus' part who has an office in our HETA training centre.

Lee247

Good points

He's got to be a bit sad, if he even takes his bullying to Facebook. Sounds like a right weirdo

WRX_Dazza

Invite him out for a beer to "bury the hatchet"

then get some mates to bundle the fat **** into a van and take him for a mystery trip.

it's amazing how scared people get when they have their heads covered by a stranger and taken somewhere they dont know

no need to harm him. He will wet himself anyway !!

mates with an Irish accent work best, mind.

they could use the following dialogue:- (In Irish accent)
"Ahh will you be listening to us now Porky? You'll be coming for a little ride with us, so you will."

failing that, steam into him yourself. (its the only language these people understand)

good luck

Xx-IAN-xX

You forgot the bit where you give him a shovel and tell him to start digging

ScoobyWon't

I have no suggestions apart from these ***** may take your mind off things...

chocolate_o_brian

iTrader: (22)

LOL @ the Irish thing, I had a chuckle at that remembering an old films I saw.

The one underlying issue here is the following...

He doesn't get bored and leave it be. He starts to escalate it in a very clever way. Taking the **** sly comments, trying to be everybodies friend and then turn said friends into thinking against my thoughts and me in general.

This is why it hasn't just faded out gradually over time as I anticipated. The thing which makes it complicated is how impressionable the younger lads are. I think he exploits this.

Hes chipping away on facebook as we speak, I've made one brief reply and left it.

Markus

Throw in a line of "Ahh, do you know my friends here? Mr Black, Mr Decker, and Mr Drill Bit? They'd like to know you"

On a more serious note. Do NOT reply to the facebook stuff, record it, but do not reply. File an official complaint, and expect the abuse to escalate from doing so. You WILL get more snide remarks, probably about not being "man" enough, blah, blah, blah. The usual crap bullies come out with when you don't do what you'd love and drop the fat chunt to the ground. I wonder how abusive he'd be if he's all on his todd walking, sorry, waddling home one night and you happened to tap him on the shoulder and say "let's sort this here and now".

I can be an vicious little git when I what, so I'd be thinking about seeing if he's claiming benefits when he should not be. Sound like lard boy would be trying it on for disability benefits. In which case, I'd grass him up for that, plus if he has a car, see if it's insured and MOT'd, and again, if not, grass him up. Very snide I know, and many on here will be horrified to consider grassing someone up, but it sounds like blubber boy deserves it.

Parting thought; Phone the Japanese consulate and tell them you know of a whale that needs harpooning

Trout

iTrader: (1)

Perfect advice - just ignore him.


They say - forgive your enemies, nothing confuses (or annoys) them more!

baldfox

iTrader: (1)

Keep a diary mate, of every comment word for word, and every incident - including a couple of lines about how it made you feel - lay it on a bit - i.e. for a potential grievance.. then I would get him outside when he's on his own, and show him a copy of it.

I would say to him if he doesn't shut the fk up and leave you alone, that will be going to the boss/HR and if that didn't get it resolved, then you're going to arrange something else to fix it. He'd be surprised if he saw a couple of pages detailing the abuse he's been handing out (photocopy not the original diary), you could tell him you've suffered with C&nts before and this is the best way to get rid of them... If he so much as mentions this to anyone else then he's had it and you'd have no choice but to make good on the grievance for bullying. ****, if it gets to that, I'd even tell the other lads (tell the one that can't keep secrets) he came on to you a while back. You rejected it and that's why he's always giving you ****.. he's embarassed when you rejected his advances ! They say there's no smoke without fire

Leslie

Having read all the replies COB, they are all good advice but they each depend on the actual situation.

I still think it would be better all round if you ignored the grief from him at work, you have done the right thing in in recording what he said on Facebook. A solicitor's letter would frighten him I imagine, but those blokes are expensive!

He is a bully, and the time honoured way of sorting them out is to get a bit physical and teach him a lesson behind the bike sheds! That would slow him down a bit-you said you are not frightened of him.

The really important thing of course is not to lose your job of course.

Les

Leslie

The other way at work of course is to find a way to really embarrass him in front of the others when he drops his guard!

Les

WRX_Dazza

Good advice from trout above.

facebook works both ways, yes you can take the **** out of people (in a bantery sort of way) or more unscrupulous (sp) individuals (like fat ****) know your every move / hobby / friend etc... so making you an easier target.

why is he on your friends list? delete him now ! - you dont like him and anything he than says, that you don't know about won't hurt you.

don't worry about him winning over friends in class / work. they will all soon grow up and start to get bored with him. Its an age thing, things they find funny, you probably don't. just keep your head down and ignore them.

oh and post his email addy up here !



ps: Did i say delete him from facebook???

Do It now !

WRX_Dazza

put a can of slimfast on his workbench in the morning.

and make sure everyone watches him arrive to see it !!! hahahhahah

Xx-IAN-xX

Put a few of these up around the work place with his name plastered all over it , have a chuckle at his expense

chocolate_o_brian

iTrader: (22)

Hes not on my friends list I can assure you. I deleted him a long time ago when I realised what a **** he is.

Hes trying the line that his comments weren't a threat and it shows how little I know about his character if I thought they were.

Would it look bad against me if I deleted all my comments and left his and printed them off? Or should I leave it all and print everything?