J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

Was having a chat with a lad from work today after a boring Webex, someone said something innocent that set us off, it got us to thinking of phrases you could say when chatting to someone or on the mobile, loud enough for someone passing or sat near by to hear if they are being nosey earwigging and wonder what you are on about, we decided it was key not to be too obvious and say something blatantly outrageous, we were thinking along the lines of,

"Yes, an Adidas bag, about twenty grand in it, in Polish Zloty's !"

"Yes, it looked like cheese, it tasted like cheese, it smelt like cheese but it wasnt cheese"

"How was I to know it wasnt female"

"Yep, really deep, I dont think anyone's is going to find that one in a hurry"

"It had gone really crusty, she hadnt noticed at all, all over her hair it was"

"Illegal immigrant, its not like anyone is going to miss him"

"Yep, the Dog, a Dachshund, dont think thats legal, anyway, when he sobered up he was so embrassed"


Can you think of some better ones ?

jjones

the clinic says i have to go back next week, apparently they have never seen anything like it.

hodgy0_2

belongs in the ironic thread

Janspeed

iTrader: (1)

"He's got two, he will survive with just one"

Alg

"Final offer! Twenty quid for oral"

Janspeed

iTrader: (1)

"Can you tell the difference by smelling it?"

AndyC_772

iTrader: (2)

"Is there room in the boot for a full-size adult male?"

+Doc+

"Allah huakbar"

Janspeed

iTrader: (1)

"Is it really 12 inches?"

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

"Red Raw, Seeping, stinks, he should never have got it done"

V5RLTD

iTrader: (5)

He was a big guy, i couldnt sit down for a week..........................

boxst

"Yes the timer gives you long enough to get away from the Embassy"

paulwrxboro

they look like normal backpacks...you know what to do

Bubba po

"Have you tried tempting it back out again with some sunflower seeds?"

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

Best yet !

Neoscooby

'but then it went all over her face'

NotoriousREV

Shamelessly stolen from Basic Instructions by Scott Meyer: Your all-inclusive guide to a life well-lived.

"So I pick up the dogs back legs like a wheelbarrow and I'm kicking it in the nuts as hard as I can"

Steve vRS

You'll have to be really quiet. If they hear you...it's over.

AndyC_772

iTrader: (2)

"You stuff it where? Down the front? Geez, no wonder the girls looked at me funny..."

(with due credit to Kevin Bl**dy Wilson)

Janspeed

iTrader: (1)

"No more than 2 fingers, right?"

SJ_Skyline

"You didn't get the flea collars changed like I asked you to, did you?"

"Don't worry about it, I'm sure she was at least 16"

"Well I didn't think he would take 'Bugger me' quite so literally either"

bigdaddy

the doctor said im to stay in as its very catching but i had to get out of the house

Jerome

"My iphone arrives tomorrow...can't wait to get Grinder installed..."

""Yeah, the far end of the car park...they start arriving at midnight...make sure you don't drop your cigarette out the window..."

hannogo

You've got a cucumber stuck where?????

astraboy

"No, no, I asked for Stingers! STINGERS! S.T.I.N.G.E.R! Tell Ahmed to put it the account, and make sure you ask for express delivery, Air Force One doesnt fly in every day of the week you know"

astraboy.

FLD_WILLIS

''For the love of God, do not touch that Samoflange!!!''

''How was I supposed to know she used to be man!?!''

''It was wrong, but I enjoyed it...''

MJW

"He stopped moving after I'd hit him with the shovel a couple of times, but, get this, I had to hacksaw the c*nt's legs off to get him in the boot"

dickyboy

" what do you mean, the prime minister's been assassinated"

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

"Yes, Jackos here, its funny, everyone thinks he's dead"

what would scooby do

She had big **** for a 10 year old...

























... a farmer discussing a cow