Letter from the Revenue !
23 June 2009, 09:47 PM
#1
Letter from the Revenue !
Now, personally I am not fond of post from the Taxman, but if it were like this, eloquently penned, just striking the right blend of mild sarcasm and restraint in reply to what was obvioulsy a rant then, if it is true then this month I dont mind handing that couple of grand over to be given to the unwashed.
Her Majesty's Revenue & Customs with a sense of humour
This is a real reply from the Inland Revenue. The Guardian
newspaper had to ask for special permission to print it
Dear Mr Addison,
I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than
prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer
some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in
order.
Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as
a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred
to as a "tax demand". This is how we at the Inland Revenue have
always, for reasons of accuracy, traditionally referred to such
documents.
Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream
of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the
letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I
have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I
would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper
councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant
gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file them
next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little
ill-advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely
that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit
bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely
they see you as a citizen of Great Britain , with a
responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a
whole.
Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some
spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to
shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public
Services", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse
you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to
"stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates
you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds
levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a
little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on
"junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing ******"
whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to,
for example, "that box-ticking fa�ade of a university system."
A couple of technical points arising from direct queries
1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins"on the envelope
has to do with the vagaries of the postal system;
2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrow of those
with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a
practice because even if the Personal Allowance didn't render
it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics involved would make
it financially unviable.
I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in
any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I
ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the
whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India " you would
still owe us the money.
Please send it to us by Friday.
Yours sincerely,
H J Lee
Customer Relations
Her Majesty's Revenue & Customs with a sense of humour
This is a real reply from the Inland Revenue. The Guardian
newspaper had to ask for special permission to print it
Dear Mr Addison,
I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than
prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer
some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in
order.
Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as
a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred
to as a "tax demand". This is how we at the Inland Revenue have
always, for reasons of accuracy, traditionally referred to such
documents.
Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream
of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the
letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I
have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I
would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper
councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant
gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file them
next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little
ill-advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely
that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit
bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely
they see you as a citizen of Great Britain , with a
responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a
whole.
Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some
spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to
shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public
Services", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse
you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to
"stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates
you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds
levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a
little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on
"junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing ******"
whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to,
for example, "that box-ticking fa�ade of a university system."
A couple of technical points arising from direct queries
1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins"on the envelope
has to do with the vagaries of the postal system;
2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrow of those
with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a
practice because even if the Personal Allowance didn't render
it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics involved would make
it financially unviable.
I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in
any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I
ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the
whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India " you would
still owe us the money.
Please send it to us by Friday.
Yours sincerely,
H J Lee
Customer Relations
23 June 2009, 10:09 PM
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I'd laugh if I hadn't actually HAD dealings with HMRC.........they have ZERO sense of humour and would in NO way have penned the above. They simply ignore what you say, if it's irrelevent, and reiterate what you need to do/pay.
Another modern myth, I'm afraid.
Another modern myth, I'm afraid.
24 June 2009, 06:05 AM
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24 June 2009, 02:57 PM
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