sbk1972

Hi all

Mr brother is on the verge of splitting from his g/f after 4 years together, on / off. They have two children together, and she has a kid from a previous relationship. Their relationship has been rubbish for ages, up and down, arguments, she stopping him coming over to see his kids, or she going out, disappearing, not telling him, and leaving the kids with friends, with out him knowing where they are.

Ive never truely liked her, as she's a nutter, done too much dope in her early years which has ruined her brains, she looks at everyone else as posh, or toffs, purely due to her and her family being pikeys.

Anyway, things have now got worse between her and my brother, and he's starting to think about calling it a day, but isnt sure of his rights regarding the kids as they arent married, or living together. He is named on the birth certificate though. Kids are 1 and 3 years old.

She's become worse over the months, hanging around with her neighbour who sells weed. She has a history of drugs, from weed, pills, coke,to even a little bit of h. So, she's now constantly smoking weed, constantly paraniod, erratic, etc and thinks the world is out for her. Previous to my brother she nearly lost her first child to social services, but my brother sorted her out and she was ok.

My suggestions are that my brother go and see a solisitor, and get the necessary paperwork / procedures in place to have 50:50 custody. Ive also told him to get soical services involved as this girl is slowly becoming unfit to be a mum to her kids, 1,3 and 9 years old ( 9 yr old is kid from a previous relationship)

My brother is a little hesitant involving the social service, as once they in, they never leave so to speak, but his partner wont sign any forms stating my bro has 50/50 rights / access to the kids, as they arent married etc. He's trying to be nice, keep her happy, so that she eventually signs the forms, but this will never happen and in the meantime she gets worse.

So, at the moment, my brother is always walking on egg shells, but last night when he popped around to see her, taking back his son as they dont live with etc other. Well, they got into an argument, as he turned to walk away, pushing her to one side, she screamed assult, and tried to call the law. Turns out it was all rubbish, and she hadnt, although a police friend of my brother checked, no reports. The same friend has now reported my brothers concerns, i.e put them on record.

Its just a pile of 5hite all this. Just need advice from guys that have had similar situations, or what his rights are, or what social services might do, how to make my brother's case stronger if it all goes wrong ?

The new friend she hangs out with was arrested last week for selling weed, so my brother is hoping his g/f will get caught with her, meaning that he will have a stronger case. Anyone who talks to the g/f can see she's on something, so he's hoping that if the police are called they will see she's a nutter.

Its almost like my brother is holding back, hoping she will make a mistake which strengthens his case. But, he now cant stand her, hates her, and just wants out. He wants to call it a day, sort out the rights, access and meet someone new.

All this is ripping my mother to pieces, and its horrible seeing the kids being used as weapons.

I just dont know what to do, as my brother is constantly down. I know pretty much all threads here get trolled, which is cool, but i cant express to you the way these problems tear into familes.

Cheers

SBK

mrtheedge2u2

If you brother is genuinely concerned about the drug use then he really should mention this to the authorities.......splitting up sucks, but lets face it... seems like this woman would be happy to never let him see his own kids.

He needs to grab a solicitor and get his side across.

Does he have evidence of her doing drugs?

Timwinner

iTrader: (3)

Hello mate,
Not a good or easy situation to sort out I'm afraid, The mum automatically gets the duty of care upon birth unless you are married.
Have a look here its a very good resource.
Dads: Parental Responsibility for unmarried dads

The best cause of action here is to try to enter mediation via relate. It doesnt sounds like anything will get sorted if its face to face contact.
Seek the advice from CAB and relate first and then if need be its time for a good brief. The whole period could be long and hard going and chances are it will include DNA tests etc.

sbk1972

Hi all,

The relationship is dead, from my brother's side anyway. Will Relate / mediation help sort out access etc ? or more trying to get the relationship back on track ?

The DNA tests, will this be required to proof he's the father of the children ?

As for proof of drugs, yes this can be found / show at anytime. My brother wants to do things nicely, as he doesnt want to get all nesty, start trying to tier the children from her. So, all he's trying to do is work out his options, and the one he's implementing now, is hoping his g/f gets her self nicked for being involved with drugs, evenutally proving that she's unfit.

God man, these situations, just horrible. The moment he met her I knew there would be trouble, but he wouldnt listen.

SBK

SJ_Skyline

Your brother's first concern must be the welfare of his children. If the situation is that bad then there are a whole bunch of people he can contact:

- The Citizens Advice Bureau, as a first point of call.
- A solicitor specialising in family law, for advice on where he stands and what options are open to him.
- Social Serices, if he believes his children are in danger
- The NSPCC, again if he believes his children are in danger.

pimmo2000

iTrader: (6)

The children are 1 and 3 which means he is already has PR

" Your baby was born after December 1st 2003 (when a new law was introduced), and you are named as his father on the birth certificate. "

Hysteria1983

I would tel him to go and see a solicitor and get some advice from there.
The safety of the children is paramount no matter weather they are in the care of the mother or the father.
He would probably need to have some proof that she has been up to no good, and the children would probably need to be investigated by social services to see if they are not being neglected.
It can all be a lengthy process. If he really wants the children to be with him, or to find out what access/custody he is entitled to, the easiest thing to do would be do discuss it with his partner.
That may not seem the easiest, but it will be the quickest nd by far the cheapest way.
If she doesn't want to work things out and look at what is best for the children then obviously other advise will need to be sought after.

sbk1972

Thats the point, the girl doesnt want to talk about it, she doesnt want to sign any PR forms, she doesnt want to do anything but decided when he can see the kids or not.

Thanks for the url, Ive read the site and yes my bro has PR. I suppose what Im asking, is that this particulat case is going to get nasty, there's no way to avoid it. So, what can he do, to ensure that when it does go to court, or whatever, he's in a strong position.

Obviously he needs to talk to a solicitor, and will arrange that, Im just getting a heads up from you guys, as I would imagine that there's possibly some that have good through this. So, a case of learning through your realtime experiences. I reckon many of you who have gone through this, looking back, would of done things differently, from keeping a journey of events, or pics of evidence, to things you would of said, done. Its these I need to know.

She is an awful person, and despite be a weed smoking ex junkie, she loves her kids, as would any mum. Shes more an awful partner, woman, than a mum, who now is stopping my brother see her kids. I dont agree with the smoking infront of her kids, or the fact that she risks hurting them when all high, but she still loves her kids.

Her friends are all 8arstard slags, endless kids, different fathers, so you can imagine all of them have said what you can do, shout, report, to strength your case, use the system etc. I suppose this thread is about what my brother can do, off the record, sneaky tatics, to ensure that he's not caught out and ok.

SBK

SJ_Skyline

I agree with what you say about the safety and wellbeing of the children being the most important thing.

On the other hand, I wouldn't try to settle it with her as the OP suggests that she is unstable and a habitual user. In having the discussion with her it is likely to insense her and secondly gives her breathing space to prepare.

Personally I would get the advice, build the case of evidence to ensure I would win in court and then drop a few nukes on her via my solicitor. As contact is formal via the solicitor it makes it very hard for her to use the children as a weapon, like she has already shown she is willing to do. No *****-footing around trying to be nice as there's an outcome I want and I'll make sure I get it.